We Had It All
by oliviahotchner
Summary: Hotch and Emily were in a relationship fifteen years ago, but he made a huge mistake and was forced to end things with her. Now she is starting her new job at the BAU and will have to face the only man she'd ever loved. How things will work for both of them? Does he feel something after all those years? Slightly AU. There will be some Morgan/Garcia too. COMPLETE.
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hi there! As promised, here is my new fic! It's slightly AU, where Hotch and Emily had a relationship before they met at the BAU. I'm very happy to say that this is my first fic with a BETA and I really hope you guys enjoy it. Thank you so much for your help, Christina. Again, it's very good to see someone thinking that your work it's worth it of some of their time. I'm very grateful for the good people in this world... Unfortunately there's still those who just want to hurt, sending awful reviews, some of them even wishing my death. It's sad to know that there is someone so lost and without God in their hearts. I really hope you find your peace and happiness.**

 **Anyway, this is the Prologue. The next chapter will be up in two or three days. Maybe faster if you guys make me happy with your reviews :)**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own CM.**

Prologue

September, 2006. Quantico, Virginia.

Emily Prentiss entered the bullpen with shaky legs, nervous as hell. She still couldn't believe that she had finally got here. After eight years in the CIA and five more working in the FBI's Seattle Office she had made into her dream job. Three weeks ago she packed her things and moved to a two-bedroom apartment in Quantico and today she was starting to work as a profiler to the Behavior Analysis Unit. She walked nervous towards her superior's office with a box filled with her things, excited to be directed to her new desk. She found the door with SSA Jason Gideon's name and knocked.

"Come in". A voice called from inside.

She took a deep breath and opened the door, poking her head inside. "Excuse me? Agent Gideon?" She asked and opened the door more to step inside when he motioned her to come in. "Agent Emily Prentiss. I was directed to you about my transference to the BAU…" She said as she held her hand to him.

He shook her hand firmly nodding. "Of course, I was waiting for you". He said friendly. "I have to say your resume is pretty impressive. Into the CIA at twenty-three years old and all your missions are very well evaluated. Your job at the Seattle's Office is very good too". He said looking through the pages.

"Thank you, sir…" She said smiling.

"May I ask why you choose us?" He asked curious.

"I always enjoyed criminology and psychology and the BAU's job is very impressive. It's not everyone's dream job because you guys face the worst and the hours are absurd but since I don't have family and already live for my job I think I'm up for the challenge". She said smiling.

Before he could respond to her there was a knock on the door. "Sir, everyone is ready". A young blonde said and he nodded.

"We'll be right there". He said. "We have a debriefing now about a case we finished last night. It will be a good opportunity to meet the team and get familiar with the job. Leave your box here and we'll see facilities about a desk later…"

She nodded and they left the office and walked towards the conference room. She looked at the agents inside and smiled slightly at them. There was a dark-skinned man, a young skinny man with brown hair, a blonde girl who was too much bright and colorful to fit there and the other blonde who knocked on Gideon's door.

"Guys, this is Agent Prentiss. She will be joining our team to replace Agent Greenaway. Agent Prentiss, these are Agent Derek Morgan, Dr. Spencer Reid, TA Penelope Garcia and Agent Jennifer Jareau". He introduced them and she proceeded to shake their hands. "There's one missing…" Gideon pointed out. "Where is… Oh, there he is. And this is our second in command, Agent…"

"Aaron?" Emily gasped with wide eyes. God, no. This couldn't be happening.

The dark-haired agent frozen on the door, his jaw dropped and his eyes wide. "My God. Emily?" He managed to choke. The room fell in complete silence while everyone watched curiously at the exchange between the two agents. Hotch seemed to be the first one to react, blinking and approaching her. "What… what are you doing here?" He asked taking a double look on her. "God, you look… beautiful…"

Emily looked down, avoiding the intense stare of the other agent. "I… do you work here?" She asked already knowing the answer. God, what were the chances of this happening?

"Yes, I…"

"You two know each other?" Gideon asked interrupting them and voicing the whole team's thoughts.

Emily looked at him and nodded slowly. "Yeah, kinda…"

He looked between them and suddenly his eyes widened in realization and he turned to Hotch who was still staring at Emily. "Oh my God, she's Emily!" He stated perplexed and Hotch nodded. " _The_ Emily?" He asked just to confirm.

"Yes…" Hotch nodded slowly. He looked at Emily for a few seconds before turning to Gideon. This couldn't be happening. "Can we talk?"

Before Gideon could respond they heard Emily's hard voice and saw her looking at Hotch with fire in her eyes. "Don't". She said forcefully and he focused on her again, looking at her questionably. "I know that look. It's your 'running look'. Don't you dare trying to get rid of me, Aaron. I fought tooth and nail to get here and I won't let you ruin it. You already broke my heart and all my dreams once because you were a weak coward. Don't do it again because you're scared".

"Emily… we need to talk…" Hotch said, his voice thick with emotion.

"No, we don't. Everything that needed to be said was said fifteen years ago. You made your decision and I had to move on". She said shaking her head. "We're both professionals and I think we're quite capable of letting everything behind us and be civil with each other. I won't let what happened between us destroy what I work so hard to conquer".

He looked at her in silence for a few seconds before nodding his head slowly. "Okay, I'm sorry" He couldn't believe it. He couldn't believe that she was actually there, in front of him after so many years. And she was even more stunning and strong than he remembered. Her dark hair was shorter and curlier but it just framed her beautiful face. God, how was he supposed to survive this? He turned to Gideon. "Can I take the day off? I need some time to… adjust…" He said quietly.

"Of course". Gideon nodded understanding. "And I'm sorry, Aaron. I really didn't know".

"That's okay. I'm pretty sure we're gaining a fantastic agent". He said. It was true. She had always been incredible intelligent and determined and he was completely sure that she had built an impressive career, especially if she had managed to get in the BAU, seeing that Gideon was very selective about his agents. He took a deep breath and turned to the team. "See you all tomorrow". He said acknowledging them for the first time.

As he turned to walk away Emily's voice stopped him. "Aaron?"

"Yeah?" He said looking at her and trying to ignore the urge to take her in his arms and feel her lips and her skin again.

"If Haley has a problem with this just tell her one thing. I am not her…" She said firmly. He winced slightly at this before nodding and leaving. Emily breathed heavily and held the nearest chair to brace herself. "I'm sorry…" She said looking at the team that was watching her curiously. She turned to Gideon. "So… you know about me?"

"I do. He talked a lot about you. Especially when he was drunk". He said and she chuckled humorlessly. "Just so you know, he's an idiot". He added.

"Thanks". She smiled at him.

"Look, you're probably just as much of a mess as him. Why don't you go to the facilities and ask for your desk, get yourself situated then take the rest of the day off too?" He suggested. When she opened her mouth to protest he dismissed her. "You're obviously not fine. I know I wouldn't be. That's really okay. You go, clear your head and get yourself together and we'll start again tomorrow".

She nodded slowly. "Thank you sir, and I'm sorry again for all of this… I promise you that this won't compromise my work. Like I said to Aaron, I really believe we can remain objectives and forget about the past…" She said and he nodded.

After she left Gideon ran his head through his hair and sighed. "Man, what the hell was that?" Morgan asked.

Gideon sighed and motioned for them to sit. "Well… that's a really long story…"

 **A/N: Should I go on? Curious? Let me know!**


	2. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hello again! Here I am super fast because you guys are super amazing and your reviews made me super happy and my BETA is super awesome! Hahaha. Chapter one, we'll see how our two agents met and a little POV about how they both are feeling after the reencounter. Hope you like it! Thank you so so so much for the reviews and alerts. :)**

 **Disclaimer: Do not own CM.**

Chapter 1

Yale University – New Haven, Connecticut, 1989.

Emily Prentiss ordered her usual cup of coffee at Glenn's Café and sat at the last available table. It was a cold Monday morning, mid-February and the rain was falling lightly outside. She was tired and sleepy after a long night of study. She had to go to Washington that weekend to her father's birthday and now she had two papers to finish until Wednesday and three seminars to prepare until Friday.

She opened her book and started to read for her class later, completely oblivious to the rest of the Café. It was her second year at Yale and she had decided to start her master in psychology next year, so she was taking some extra classes to get used to it and she found herself really enjoying it. Although her mother still talked to her about getting a degree in Political Science she didn't have any interest in follow her career as a diplomat or anything involving politics.

She had was been always fascinated by psychology and criminology so she was trying to get as many classes related to it as she could and hopefully she would get a job on law enforcement, maybe the CIA or even the FBI later. While she was submerged at Graham Reed's book she didn't notice the young brunette man approaching her table with a steaming cup of coffee and a couple of books in hand.

He cleared his throat to catch her attention and when she looked up she saw him smiling slightly at her and pointing to the vacant chair across her. "Excuse me. There aren't any other tables available, do you mind?" He asked with a deep and low voice that made her shiver, this time not because of the cold. He had a short dark hair perfectly tidy and was wearing jeans and a black polo shirt, showing very well his defined shoulders and clinging his very detectable six-pack.

She smiled at him slightly and nodded. "Of course…" He thanked her quietly and sat, opening his books and a notepad starting to read and make notes. She saw the Constitutional Law book and deduced he was already on law school. His brow was furrowed and his lips moving almost imperceptibly as he read the book while his left hand made notes on the notepad. She didn't see any ring so either he only had a girlfriend or was single. He appeared to be no more than twenty-five years and she thought he was truly one of the most handsome men she had seen in her nineteen years.

They stayed in silence for several minutes, both busy with their works until a small blonde woman approached their table with a wide grin on her face.

 _"_ _Aaron…"_ She purred with a low voice, leaning on her elbows in front of him giving him a perfect view of her cleavage. Emily noticed the way his shoulders stilled and his jaw looked.

He fought the urge to roll his eyes and let out an annoyed huff. "Melanie". He said flatly. "What can I do for you?"

"Oh, I can think of a few things you can do for me…" She said wickedly and he winced. "I waited for you last Friday at Cassy's party but you never came…" She pouted.

"I'm not into parties, Melanie. I had work to do…" He said without looking up from his book.

"But you're always so dense, Aaron… You should relax sometimes… I can help you with that…" She suggested running a hand on his forearm.

He removed her hand and looked up to her with a serious face. "Melanie, no offense, but I already told you more than once that I'm not interested…"

"Oh, Aaron, and we both know that this is bullshit. _Everyone_ is interested…" She said confidently and Emily rolled her eyes while he just shook his head.

"I'm not everyone". He stated simply and Emily raised an eyebrow. No, he definitely wasn't everyone.

"Oh, c'mon. How can you possibly be not interested in me? What's not to like? I do anything… and I mean _anything_ …" She said suggestively.

He huffed tiredly and looked at her in silence for a few seconds. "Honestly?" he started "I'm really not into sluts". He said firmly and watched her jaw drop. Emily couldn't believe in her ears. Had he really said that? Now she was even more curious about this guy.

"How dare you?" She cried. "You jackass! I don't ever want to see you again!" She said taking her purse.

"Pinky promise?" He couldn't help but say and smiled when Emily snorted.

"You'll regret this, Aaron Hotchner…" Melanie said furiously before turning around and walk away.

"I really don't think so…" He murmured quietly looking back at his book.

Emily looked at the brunette man with curious eyes and a playful smile. "Now that was some entertainment…" She commented and he looked up to her with a smile on his face. His perfect white teeth along with his dimples made him even more handsome. Honestly she didn't blame the slut blonde for wanting something with him.

"I'm glad you had fun…" He said smiling and she laughed nodding.

"It was hilarious… she was almost putting her breasts on your face!" She laughed and he chuckled.

"I really hope she had gotten the message this time…" He said.

"I think she did, it was pretty explicit…" She chuckled. "Emily…" She said holding her hand to him shake.

"Aaron…" He said taking her hand and smiling.

As they focused again on their works she couldn't help but think that this was a very different and interesting man.

\\*\\*\

Quantico, Virginia, 2006.

Emily walked into her apartment and dropped the keys on the table mechanically, going to her couch and sitting quietly. She still couldn't believe in what had happened this morning. She had gone to the BAU excited and anxious, wanting nothing more than start this new phase on her life, finally working with one of the most famous team in the FBI, doing what she always wanted to do. And now, just five hours later she was in tears back at her place, wanting nothing more than run and never look back.

What were the odds of this happening? After fifteen years without seeing or knowing about him she would have to work with him on a demanding job, traveling across the whole country with him at any day and any time. How she was supposed to survive this? Just the sight of him made her palms sweat, her legs weaken and her heart race.

She remembered his shocked face when he saw her and the way his eyes looked her up and down.

 _You look beautiful…_

She closed her eyes still hearing his voice on her ear. She was so mad at herself for letting three little words affect her like this. She was so mad that he still had so much power… she was so mad.

And she was so scared…

God, how could she work with this man? The only man she'd ever loved. The only man she'd ever given her heart without regards. The only man she'd trusted blindly. The only man she saw herself marrying and building a life with. The only man she had ever wanted to be the father of her children. The man she thought it would be by her side for the rest of her life.

The same man that broke every single piece of her heart and throw it on the trash like garbage. The same man that let her afraid of trusting in anyone again. The same man that made her block her heart from anyone who came close and tried to win her. The same man that now was displaying his wedding ring proudly, like if everything he had promised to her had never meant anything.

He had destroyed her in every possible way and now he was back. And he had again tried to destroy her dreams, destroy her life and leave her without anything. But she wouldn't let it. Not this time. She wouldn't allow him to hurt her again. She would fight, tooth and nail, to prevent him to break her again. Now that he was her colleague and boss she would have to accept him in her life again. But she would never, ever again let him get any closer to her heart.

\\*\\*\\*\

Aaron sat on the nearest bench and watched the children playing on the playground in the park. He sighed heavily and closed his eyes, his shoulders sagging tiredly. After fifteen years without seeing her, Emily Prentiss was back in his life. And she was so beautiful… more beautiful than when he meet her in that Café in Yale all those years ago. He remembered clearly her sitting on a small table, drinking her coffee and reading The Psychology of Anomalous Experience. She was wearing a dark blue sweater with jeans and a black jacket. Her hair was pulled in a messy bum and she was drinking her coffee while her fingers tapped the table rhythmically as if she was listening to some music.

He remembered her sweet smile when he asked to sit with her and how she not-so-discreetly sneaked some looks towards him from time to time. He remembered how she laughed with him when the blonde slut from one of his classes came to their table and tried to flirt with him.

He sighed and rubbed his face trying to figure how he was going to deal with this new development. He remembered her fierce eyes when he said he wanted to talk with Gideon. She was right, he was going to let his fear talk louder and he was going to ask him to transfer her to another team. But like she made clear, she wouldn't allow him to destroy her again.

Feeling the tears welling in his eyes he remembered his mistake fifteen years ago and how it cost him the love of his life. He played with his ring for a while, the symbol of his deepest regret. He knew he had done the right thing marrying Haley and he didn't regret that because of Jack. But the way he hurt the woman he vowed to spend the rest of his life with was going to haunt him forever.

His phone beeped and he looked down at the screen, seeing a text from his wife.

 _Hey, think you'll be at home for dinner? Let me know. Love you._

He answered her with a quick yes and sighed thinking about how the hell he was going to break the news to her.

 **A/N: So? Next one we will found out what Hotch did and see how Haley will take the news. Reviews make me work faster! :)**


	3. Chapter 2

**A/N: So, my BETA answered me and I'm reposting. There weren't too many errors but anyway, that's better. Thank you again, Christy! You're a sweetheart :)**

 **Here is Chapter 2 and it starts to explain what happened between Aaron, Emily and Haley. Just a little warning, even if Haley was the reason behind their break-up, she is NOT a bad person here. You guys will start to understand that in this chapter and it will be more clear in the next ones. So, if you hate Haley, I'm sorry.**

 **Hope you like it!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own CM.**

Chapter 2

Hotch opened his front door with a quiet sigh that night. He had spent nearly four hours at the park thinking and remembering his moments with Emily, trying to figure how he would deal with the closeness with her right now. He knew the drills of his job and he how he saw his team even more than he saw his own family. He thought about the fire in her eyes when she said he wouldn't get rid of her and hurt her again. She wasn't the same Emily anymore. She was stronger and tougher. She had always been a tough cookie but that ferocity was always directed to other people, people who made fun of her, people who bullied her, people who hurt her.

Now he was one of these people.

He threw his keys at the table and his briefcase on the floor, taking off his holster and putting on the safe. "Haley?" He called, searching for his wife.

"In the kitchen!" She called and he went towards her. "Hey! How was your day?" She asked smiling, giving him a quick peck on his cheek when he approached her.

"Uh… eventful…" He said quietly and she looked at him curiously.

"Yeah? How so?" She asked turning off the stove.

"Is Jack home?" He asked. Jack had already walked into a discussion about Emily before and he didn't want to happen again.

"No, he's sleeping at Tom's, remember?"

"Oh, right…" Well, that gave them the opportunity to discuss everything without interruptions. "Come here Haley, we need to talk…" He said motioning to the table.

"Can't we eat first?" She asked and he shook his head. "Okay… what's wrong?" She said sitting in front of him.

He took her hand in his and looked at her eyes. "Do you remember I told you Gideon was looking for a replacement for Elle?" He asked and she nodded. "Well, he chose an agent and brought her to the office today…" He said and she frowned. "It's Emily".

It took exactly three seconds for his words to sink in and then her eyes bugged. "What?"

"I swear I had no idea and neither did she, based on the look on her face when she saw me…" He assured her.

She stood up and started to pace. "Are you seriously telling me you're going to start working with your ex-fiancé?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, Hay…" He nodded.

She adverted her eyes from him and leaned on the counter. "And what… what are you going to do?" She asked with a quiet voice.

"Nothing…" He answered quickly, getting up and approaching her, cupping her cheek. "I won't do anything, sweetheart. You're my wife and Emily's return won't change that…" He assured her.

"But you can't tell me that you don't feel anything for her anymore, Aaron…"

He closed his eyes and sighed. "I can't… but this doesn't mean I'm going to do something Haley… She'll be my subordinate and nothing more. You don't even have to worry about friendship… she made it quite clear how much she hates me…" He said quietly.

"I'm sorry, Aaron…"

"Don't be… I deserve it… I deserve worse even…" He said sighing.

"No, you don't" She said linking her arms around his neck and leaning her forehead in his. "You're a good man. The best I've ever met. You made a mistake, we both did. But that doesn't make you a bad person… no one is perfect, honey… what we did was wrong, it was weakness… but I don't regret it because it gave us the best thing in the world…"

"Jack…" He whispered.

"Yes… Jack… and even if we never felt the passion and love that we supposed to feel as a married couple, we had our good moments… you always made me feel loved. Even if I know that I'll never replace her in your heart…"

"Haley…" He protested but he shushed him.

"I know I won't. But what matters is that I trust you. I know you will never do something to hurt me… and I love you so much for that…"

"I love you too…" He whispered capturing her lips. It was true. He did love her. They were happy. But, deep down, he knew that they were never truly in love with each other like they should be. He knew that there will be always something missing. But he also knew that he would never make the same mistake twice. He wouldn't hurt two women. He wouldn't break another vow. He wouldn't do it.

\\*\\*\\*\

South Virginia – August, 1991.

"Look if it isn't our little lawyer!" Chad's voice echoed at his living room when Aaron arrived.

"Hey guys…" He greeted his friends with a smile. He had just finished law school and was back to Virginia to work as a lawyer in a firm. He was staying with his mother at the moment but was already looking for an apartment to move into with Emily. They had been together for more than two years and engaged for five months. The wedding was being planned for the next November and he could barely contain his excitement. She had stayed in Yale to finish some extra classes and would be coming to meet him in two weeks. They had decided that he would come first and settle in with his job and their new apartment and she would come later. He was in town for three days and her absence was already killing him.

"So, tell me man. How it is to be a man of the law?" Peter asked teasingly and he chuckled as they went to the kitchen.

"It's good… very good… after eight years I'm glad I can finally build my career here… New Haven is great but I missed home…" He said grabbing a beer and going back to the couch, sitting with his friends. It was just Chad, Peter and Jake, his three best friends in school. After he left for Yale they managed to keep in touch and even see each other when he had come to see his mother and brother.

"And how is that beautiful girlfriend of yours?" Jake asked. He had brought Emily in his last visit, six months ago, and introduced her to his friends. They immediately greeted her with open arms, teasing him about how he had managed to make such an awesome woman to fall for him.

"She's finishing some classes… I came first to look for a place for us… oh, and it's fiancé now…" He said proudly.

"You're kidding!" Peter exclaimed.

"Nope. I proposed five months ago. We want to get married before thanksgiving…"

"Good for you man! I still think she's too much for you but…" Chad said and they all chuckled.

They stayed there talking, drinking and joking for hours until the front door opened and a small blonde came in. "Hey boys…" She greeted them. "Aaron!" She exclaimed. "I didn't know you were back!" He stood up and hugged her.

"Good to see you Hay… Yale is over, I'm moving back…" He slurred a little, the alcohol already blurring his vision.

"Really? That's great!" She said grabbing a beer and sitting with him. She was Chad's little sister and they had dated at high school. They both had been their first and their bond was strong, even if things hadn't worked out.

One by one the guys started to leave, finally leaving just Aaron, Haley and Chad, who stood up saying that he was going to bed. The two ex-lovers stayed talking and drinking together, remembering past times and laughing at some memories. Neither of them knew when the talk evolved into a passionate make out session but soon they were wrapped around each other, their mouths locked together in a hungry kiss and their hands gripping each other's bodies. Neither of them knew too how they ended up in her room, clothes discarded on the floor and their bodies joined in one like they used to be.

In the next morning, Aaron woke up with his cellphone ringing, his head pounding and his vision blurry. He sat up and widened his eyes when he saw his clothes on the floor and the blonde head on the pillow by his side.

Closing his eyes he heard another beep from his phone and searched for his pants to pick it. When he looked at the screen he sighed sadly at the two missing calls from his fiancé and a new text. Opening his vision blurred again, this time with tears of shame at the words he read.

 _Hi honey! I dreamt about you… just leaving for my class. Miss you so much. This bed is so cold and lonely without you. Call me when you wake up, sleepyhead. Love you!_

He sat back at the bed and closed his eyes, letting a few tears fall. The only thing he could think now was what the hell had he done and how much he hoped he hadn't ruined the best thing in his life.

\\*\\*\\*\

Quantico, Virginia, 2006.

Haley Hotchner lay awake on her bed later that night. She looked to the sleeping man by her side and sighed. The news of Emily's return still shocked her. She knew, by the look on his eyes earlier, how much this had affected Aaron. She wasn't any fool. She knew that he had never forgotten the brunette.

She still could clearly remember his desperate face when they woke up in her bed, naked and hungover. She remembered how he cried regretful, not knowing what to do, what to say, praying that Emily would forgive him. She remembered how she said they didn't have to say anything, just pretend it never happened. And how he denied fiercely, saying that he could never hide something like that from Emily.

She remembered how her brother said that Emily had forgiven Aaron later and how happy they were living together in a small apartment they found. She was truly happy for them because she knew how much he was crazily in love with her and she was glad that one meaningless night caused by one too many drinks hadn't ruined that.

But then, six weeks later she woke up sick. And everything changed.

She remembered Aaron's face when she broke the pregnancy news to him. She had told him that she didn't expect anything from him but she thought it was only fair that he was aware of his baby's existence.

He had told her immediately that he would be by her side through everything and anything she needed he would help her, no matter what. And he had been. Since the beginning, every single appointment, every single time she freaked out, scared, even for her cravings he was there, asking what she needed and wanted.

Soon, his relationship with Emily deteriorated. She had tried to be understanding to the situation but Haley really didn't blame her when everything just turned out to be too much.

And then Aaron made his decision. Breaking up with Emily and proposing to Haley, he said he was doing the right thing. He needed to be there for his son and he wanted to do it properly. He wanted to give him a real family, with both parents. He didn't want their son to think he was just a result of an affair, a mistake.

She knew it had broken his heart. She knew it had shattered his soul to do that and she knew he blamed himself for every single tear Emily cried after that. Unbeknown to him she had also heard every single time he had cried for her. She had ignored how many times he had whispered her name when they made love.

He had always made sure that she felt loved and wanted. He had always been the perfect husband, dedicated, a wonderful father and passionate lover. But… she wasn't any fool.

She knew that he had never been completely in love with her, just like she never had been completely in love with him. Their relationship resembled a deep and strong friendship for her, like best friends who had a baby and slept together on regular basis. The fire, the passion, the need was simply never there. For both of them. She missed that. She wanted that in her life but a long time ago she had come to terms with the fact that it would never be with the man by her side.

She knew that Emily Prentiss was and would always be the love of his life. And even if he had assured her that her return wouldn't change a thing between them she couldn't help but feel that this was the beginning of their end. And honestly she didn't think it was such a bad thing.

 **A/N: Here is the reason! Congratulations for those who guessed! Next chapter will be up tomorrow, don't forget to review!**


	4. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, I'm back! Guys, thank you so so sooo much for all the reviews. I'm really happy with the response to this fic... They are just... amazing. Thank you, really. Here is chapter 3! From now on we'll follow them through some of the episodes from seasons two, three and four. This one has spoilers from 02x10 (Lessons Learned). I hope you guys like it!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own Criminal Minds.**

Chapter 3

The ring of his cellphone awoke him that morning. He had managed to sleep only a couple hours straight, restless with dreams about Emily and their moments together. He groggily picked the phone on the nightstand and answered. "Hotchner".

"Hotch, we have a case. A DEA team found a possible chemical weapon on an investigation about a meth lab". JJ voice came through the phone.

"When?"

"Just this morning. We were called ten minutes ago".

"Did they raise the terror alert?"

"Not yet. They want us to find something more concrete first…"

"Yeah, no, that's probably the best." He nodded. "Okay, get everybody in now. I'll be there in a minute". He said hanging up.

"What's going on?" Haley asked sleepy as he got out of bed.

"Nothing, I just have to go to the office".

"It's six-fifteen and you're talking about a terror alert? It's bad, isn't it?" She asked.

"I don't know yet". He lied smoothly.

She looked at him knowingly. "Please don't lie to me…"

"It may be…" He said and she nodded. "I may not be home tonight. I mean, I may be home late…"

"I know…"

"Shoot. I forget. We're supposed to take Jack to buy his camping equipment at the mall tomorrow…"

"I'll talk to him, we'll go later…" She said dismissively.

"No, no, no. He's so excited. Take him and I'll do my best to be there, okay?"

"Just come back safely…" She said quietly while he finished dressing and picked his Glock.

"I will…" He whispered leaning in to give her a kiss. "Bye".

She waved at him and watched him leave; praying that everything would be okay and he would come back safe again.

\\*\\*\\*\

The team was already gathered around the table when he entered the room. He remembered his reaction in front of them the day before and knew he had to clarify things before they started to work to avoid any awkwardness. Gideon had called him saying that he had told the team about his past relationship with Emily, without too many details so he didn't have to explain anything.

"Morning everyone, thanks for coming so quickly". He started. "Before we started I just wanted to apologize for yesterday. I was caught by surprise. Actually, we both were, I believe…" he said looking quickly at Emily. "But, like she made clear yesterday, our past won't affect our jobs in no way and I'd appreciate if we keep this information between us. It may not look good to the highs-up this kind of ties between a supervisor and a subordinate. And you all know how Strauss is just looking for a reason to split this team".

"No problem, man…" Morgan said and the others nodded.

"Thank you. And welcome to the team Agent Prentiss…" He said formally eyeing Emily.

"Thank you, sir…" She said nodding.

"Alright, JJ. What do we have?" Gideon asked.

"The DEA broke into what they thought it was a meth lab, right here in Northern Virginia. But they found this instead…" She said clicking her remote to show a picture on the TV.

"That could be a dispersible device for a chemical weapon. Sophisticated…" Morgan said looking at the screen.

"Homeland Security is thinking Al-Qaeda." She nodded.

"Do we know what the biological or chemical agent is yet?" Hotch asked.

"No, not yet…" Morgan shook his head.

"The cell members ran out by a tunnel. The DEA recovered a Nextel Two-way and managed to intercept a message". JJ said handing a paper to Hotch. "It's not the transcription…" She said when he went to read it.

"No… I think it's Arabic… Emily?" He passed the paper to her and she looked at it, nodding.

"Yeah… uh, our friends surprised us and eloped. We can no longer wait for the wedding as planned. We can deliver our gift at the next crescent…" She read it and looked up to see everyone, except Hotch, staring at her. "Uh… I lived in several Middle-Eastern countries, growing up…"

"Next crescent?" Gideon asked.

"Muslims sometimes use a lunar calendar. I'd have to look it up to know, but…" She said but Garcia cut her off.

"Next crescent moon is in two days".

"So, whatever they're attacking is happening in less than forty-eight hours…" Gideon said.

"It sounds like it, sir…" She nodded.

"The payments for the Nextel are connected with this man". JJ continued, clicking the remote again to show a picture. "Jind Allah".

"Literally 'soldier of God'". Emily said.

"Two months ago, Jind Allah was captured leaving the US. He was using a forged Pakistani passport by Richmond International Airport. He's been held as a ghost detent in Guantanamo Bay ever since".

"So, technically, he doesn't exist". Garcia commented.

"Soldier of God isn't a name". Gideon pointed.

"No, is more like a name taken on from the Jihad, meaning struggle. Extremists claim is a Holy War". Emily said.

"Yeah, but the words 'holy' and 'war' never appeared together in the Alcoran". Reid said.

"Do we know his real name?" Gideon asked.

"CIA interrogators have got nothing from the guy".

"They need us to break him…"

"We do know from pass interceptions that he's a recruiter… He came into his country to assemble the Omega Cell, a sleeper cell from an unknown mission". JJ concluded.

"We have forty-eight hours to do what the CIA wasn't managed to do in two months…" Morgan said.

"We could be looking at the first attack on our soil since 9/11". Gideon said. "What do you want to do?" He asked Hotch.

He pondered for a few seconds. "I want to stay here. I think you should go to Guantanamo to handle the interrogation. You're better. Take Reid and Prentiss with you. Let them watch from outside and look for signals in his body language and any other terms he may pronounce and you can't understand…" He said.

"Agree. Morgan, you take care of the disposal device. Analyze it and see if you can identify anything that can be useful…" He said and the dark man nodded.

"Let's get to work". Hotch said finishing the discussion. Inwardly he was grateful for this opportunity to work without being near to Emily. It gave him more time to get used to. As the team dispersed he went to his office to make some calls. He was finishing the first one when there was a knock on his door. "Come in".

"Excuse me…" Emily said quietly as she entered the office. "We are just leaving but can I speak with you for a sec?"

"Of course…" He nodded at her.

"I just wanted to apologize for my reaction yesterday too. I know you were just as surprised as I was and attacking you like that probably didn't help…"

"It's okay Emily… I deserve it…" He said quietly.

"That's not the point… like you said, you are my supervisor and I own you respect no matter what. What happened between us is in the past and we can't let it interfere on our jobs. I just wanted to thank you for the opportunity and tell you that I'll try not to let what you did cloud my judgment here. I really think we can do this… work together, I mean…"

"Of course". He nodded. "Thank you and good luck. We are a very peculiar team and you'll notice that soon. We are more like a family. I see them more than my own son…" He chuckled.

"He's fourteen, right?" She asked curiously.

"Yes… His name is Jack… He's my everything…" He answered smiling.

"I'm glad… I bet he's an amazing kid. Congratulations…" She said. "I have to go. Gideon is probably waiting for me. See you soon, Aaron…" She said, and then winced. "Or, Hotch?"

"Either way is fine. We usually use surnames on the field but if you want you can call me Aaron. It's okay. I'll probably call you Emily too…"

"Okay. Bye Aaron…" She nodded and headed to the door.

"Bye Emily…" He said quietly watching her go.

\\*\\*\\*\

"At least we have somewhere to go…" Morgan said as they exited the BAU doors towards the elevators. Gideon had found a lead with the interrogation and they were heading to the address.

"Grand opening of the USA Mall today. It's the third largest in the country and it's right in the middle of Mclean, Virginia". JJ said and Hotch felt his heart stop.

"Let's go". He said tightly and hurried through the doors. As they entered the car Morgan looked at him.

"What happened to you back there? It was like you had seen a ghost…"

"Haley was supposed to take Jack to the mall today to buy some camping stuff". He said.

"Then go ahead and call her…" Morgan urged.

"It's against protocol…"

"Screw protocol. If something happen with Haley and Jack you don't have a life!" Morgan protested.

He knew he was right, so he dialed his cellphone with shaking fingers and prayed for her to answer. When it was straight to the voicemail he grunted. "I can't get a hold on her". He tried to focus on his job but the fear of losing his family was almost too much. As they approached the mall he forced his head to focus on his task because right now it was the only way he could help his family.

\\*\\*\\*\

Almost three hours later the team was gathered exhausted around the conference table, packing their things to leave. Cases with terrorism took longer to finish with more paperwork and phone calls to other governments agencies. Reid, Gideon and Emily were just coming back. They had taken off right after Emily's call to JJ and were working on their paperwork ever since the flight.

Hotch was fighting against his nerves. He still hadn't managed to talk with Haley and didn't know if she was okay. He knew that she wasn't between those who were hurt at the fall of the terrorist on the mall but he still couldn't talk to her. Just as he was closing his briefcase to go home Gideon called for him. "Hotch, can I talk to you for a moment?"

"Now?" He asked frowning. Please not now. The rest of the team saw the odd look on his face, confused. "Actually Jason, I really need to…" Just then his phone rang and he quickly looked at the display, sighing relieved at the name on it. "Haley? Where the hell are you?" He asked worriedly.

 _"_ _I'm sorry honey. I took Jack to the movies and my phone was dead. Then we went home and cooked dinner together and I forgot completely about it…"_ She said. _"Did you see what happened at the mall?"_

He closed his eyes to prevent the tears of relieve from falling. "That's why I'm calling. I saw the news and I was worried sick!"

 _"_ _I'm so sorry honey… I didn't mean to upset you… we're both fine. We decided to wait for you and go tomorrow together… but we didn't want to stay at home alone so we decided to go watch a movie… I'm sorry…"_

"It's okay… I'm just glad you're both fine…" He said quietly.

 _"_ _Are you coming home?"_

"I was going because I needed to see if you two were okay, but now that you called, Jason wants to talk to me for a moment so I'll take a little bit more. Not too much, though. One hour, tops".

 _"_ _Okay, babe. Come home safely"._

"I will. Give Jack a kiss for me. I love you…"

 _"_ _Love you too, babe…"_

He hung up and put the phone back on his pocket. "They're both fine?" Morgan asked.

"Yeah. Jack didn't want to go without me so they went to the movies and then back home. Haley's phone was dead and she just saw my calls now…"

"What happened?" Gideon asked.

"Haley and Jack were supposed to go to the mall today. I couldn't get a hold on her and I was panicking already…" He answered.

"You should have said something sooner…"

"It's okay. I didn't see them between the injured so I was a little more relieved. But now that I heard her voice and know that everything is fine I can breathe again…" He said loosening the knot of his tie. "So, should we go to your office?" He asked and the older man nodded.

As they left the room Morgan turned to his teammates. "Thank God everything's fine. For a moment I thought he was going to have a heart attack back there…"

"It's his family… Hotch is the most family man I know. If something happened with Haley or Jack he would die…" JJ said and Garcia nodded.

Emily just heard them, finishing her files and thinking. By the amount of despair that was displayed on his face when he answered the phone they were right. If anything happened with them he would probably die. And even though it hurt to see him so worried and devoted to another woman she was glad that he hadn't throw away their life together for something meaningless.

 **A/N: Like it? Hate it? Meh? Please, let a review! I'll try to post the next one tomorrow. :)**


	5. Chapter 4

**A/N: Hello! Thank you guys so much for the reviews! I'm really happy with the way you all are taking this fic... I'm loving writing it and seeing that you're loving reading makes me very proud.**

 **Here is the new chapter. It takes right where the previous ended.**

 **Thank you again Christina, you're awesome!**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own Criminal Minds.**

Chapter 4

"So, what do you want to talk about?" Hotch asked as they sat at the visitor's chairs in Gideon's office.

"I've been thinking a lot these past few weeks, especially after Elle's departure and… I don't think I can do this anymore..." He said.

"What do you mean? Are you quitting?" Hotch asked surprised.

"No, I didn't mean that. I mean being the leader of this team. I don't think I can take this responsibility anymore. I know that you took Elle's quitting as your own failure and I know that she came to you when she returned her badge and gun but the truth is that it's my responsibility. It's my duty as the Unit Chief to know when my agents aren't okay and to know when and how to step in… and I didn't do that. I closed my eyes to what she suffered and look what happened".

"Jason, we both did it. Even if I went after her after the shooting it was already too late. We both closed our eyes. We both failed with her. We both did it… you're the leader but I'm the second and I have authority to do something too, and I didn't".

"I know… but it's really catching me, you know. It started with Boston and now Elle just made this feeling stronger. I can't anymore. I reached my limit and because I still want to be able to do this job properly for a little longer I know that I have to step down…"

Hotch nodded slowly at him. "Okay, I can understand your reasons. So what do you want to do?"

"I'm stepping down. I want to be just another agent and focus on my job and the profiles… but I also don't want to mess with the team and the Director won't approve another transfer because we don't have a real opening. Unless I leave the team they can't send someone new in. So, the logical thing would be for you to take my place permanently".

It took and handful seconds to him to react. "And I would be leading this team alone?"

"I know it's tough. But I don't want to be not even the second in command. I just don't want that anymore…" He said and continued when Hotch opened his mouth to argue. "I know it's selfish of me, Aaron. I know. But I don't see Morgan ready to take this position yet. Or Spencer. And Prentiss just started. You can work on training Morgan to help you later but right now it would be just you…"

"I… I don't know, Jason…" He said shaking his head. "Do you know how much work this would mean? I have to speak with Haley… this would be affecting directly my family and I can't just decide like this…"

"I understand that…" He nodded. "Do you think you can talk to her tonight?"

"You are really in a hurry, aren't you?"

"I kinda of already spoke with the Section Chief about it…"

"And what did she say? You know that she hates me…"

"She feels threatened by you because she knows you are capable of taking her job or being on her way of a promotion…"

"I just wish she could understand that I'm not interest in leaving the BAU…"

"Anyway, she agreed with me and doesn't have a problem with you taking the position. Of course she would be monitoring closely, especially on the first few cases but I don't see a problem…"

Hotch contemplated for a few moments before nodding. "Okay… I'll talk with Haley tonight and we'll talk again in the morning…"

"Thank you, Aaron…" Jason said standing up.

"No problem… See you tomorrow…" He said taking his briefcase and leaving, anxious to see his family.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Haley?" Hotch called as soon as he entered the house.

"In here!" She called from upstairs and he ran towards their bedroom. Finding her sitting at their bed watching TV he let out a breath and kneeled in from of her burying his face on her chest. "Hey, is everything okay?" She asked soothingly.

"Everything's perfect…" He murmured against her shirt, breathing her scent deeply and running his fingertips on her back.

"I'm sorry for scaring you… I really didn't think about my phone until after dinner, when I saw the news…"

"It's okay, I was just worried…" He said tilting his head up to look at her face. "Is Jack sleeping already?"

"Yeah, he has a test tomorrow and stayed studying until I found him asleep on top of his books". She said chuckling.

"I'll go check on him very quick, okay?" He said getting up and she nodded smiling. He tiptoed inside his son's bedroom and smiled at the sight of him snuggled into his blankets, sleeping peacefully. He leaned down to kiss his forehead lightly and stepped out of the room. As he went back to his room he took off his jacket and tie and started to unbutton his dress shirt.

"Is he still sleeping?" Haley asked getting up and finished unbuttoning his shirt, taking off of him.

"Yeah…" He murmured, circled her waist with his arms and brought her close to his chest. "I really don't know what I would do if something happened with you guys…" He whispered quietly into her hair.

She caressed his back and leaned up to press her lips into his in a longing kiss. "We're both fine, unharmed and here, with you". She whispered back. "C'mon, get out of these clothes and come cuddle with me a little bit…" She said sneaking out of his grip and going to the bed.

He smiled at her and did as told, getting under the blankets and taking her tightly into his arms. After a few minutes in silence just caressing her hair he remembered his talk with Jason. "I need to talk to you about something…" He whispered. She hummed at him to go on. "Jason wanted to talk to me today about something…" He started. "He said he didn't think he could continue to lead the team. He said that after Boston and now Elle he doubts himself and he doesn't think he can handle the responsibility anymore".

"Okay…" She said quietly.

"And with Emily's addition to the team we really don't have any openings to other agents and we don't want to mess with the team's dynamics. So he asked me if I could fill his place…"

"Well… you already are the second in charge so it wouldn't change so much, right? You would just add more responsibilities…" She said.

"That's the thing. I wouldn't have anyone to help me. It would be just me, at least right now. Jason doesn't want anything with these duties anymore and none of our agents are in a position to fill my spot as the second. So, at least until I train someone to help me, probably Morgan, it would be just me. And that would me a lot of work, a lot of late nights, a lot of meetings and especially a ridiculously amount of paperwork…"

She stayed quietly for a few moments before answering. "What are the other options?"

"Transfer one of our agents to another team and then a new agent would come to be the leader".

"So, basically screw up with everything you guys built together?"

He chuckled humorlessly before kissing her forehead and nod. "Yeah. We would lose a member of our family and would have to adjust to a total stranger giving the orders…"

"So, you really don't have a choice, right?"

"It wouldn't be easy, but eventually we would adjust… I don't have to do this, sweetheart. I know how much it would affect our family…" He said looking at her. "I almost don't see you guys already. I constantly fail with Jack when I promise him something… and I know I'm far from the ideal husband…"

"Aaron, you don't fail. Your job is demanding and I understand that. It's not easy, no way in hell. I miss you every single night you're not here with me and it's very hard sometimes. But I get how much this means to you. I know it won't be easy but I think you should take the job. If you don't you would constantly blame yourself for the troubles you would face with another leader and I know it would make you miserable".

"But…"

"But nothing, babe. You know I'm right. You would drive me insane with your guilt and I really don't want to kill you…" She said smiling and he chuckled.

"I love you, you know that?" He said seriously caressing her cheek.

"I love you too…" She whispered back and he captured her lips, kissing her thoroughly, relieving the feeling of her alive and safe in his arms and trying to forget the fear he felt not knowing where they were. As he covered her body with his, deepening the kiss, he allowed himself to be lost into her smell and her taste, knowing that even if their marriage was built based on an accident they managed to give each other what they needed the most: comfort and love.

\\*\\*\\*\

The next morning Hotch called the team into the conference room to announce the change. As he waited for them to settle, talking with Jason, Garcia came in smiling at something that Morgan said. When she sat and looked at her bosses and noticed the relaxed look and Hotch's face she giggled. "Ohh, boss man is feeling better today. Had some life-reassuring sex?"

"Penelope…" He warned her sternly but his eyes had a twinkle that betrayed his amusement at his tech's comment. Emily just ignored the dialogue and the arch in her chest at the thought of him with Haley and focused on her coffee.

"Sorry, sir…" Garcia said quickly and glared mockingly when Morgan chuckled.

"Anyway, we called you in here to announce a few changes will be happening". Hotch started. He looked at Jason who just nodded at him before continuing. "As you all know, Jason asked to talk to me last night and told me that he isn't feeling apt to keep the lead of this team. Since Emily came to fill Elle's spot we don't have a reason to bring another agent to our team and even if we did, I think is right to say that none of us would like to have an outsider to start giving us orders and changing our dynamics on and out the field". He said and everyone nodded.

"So, I asked Aaron to take my spot as the team leader…" Jason finished quickly.

"Exactly. I said I would talk with Haley before making a decision because that would imply a significant change in my working hours and responsibilities and I can't decide without considering my family. We talked last night and she encouraged me to accept it because she knows I would feel guilty if anything happened with this team. So, starting from today I'll be the new Unit Chief of the BAU and Jason Gideon will be released from any obligations and responsibilities as a supervisor. I'll be working alone as the leader since none of you has the qualities and preparation to assume my position as the second in command. I'll be choosing an agent to be trained to fill this spot soon". He said to the team.

"Congratulations man. It'll be an honor…" Morgan said getting up to shake his hand.

"Thanks Morgan. As you all are aware, Chief Strauss isn't my biggest fan". He said and managed to crack a smile at Garcia's snort. "She said she's fine with my promotion but she will be watching our team more closely these next few weeks, so I ask to all of you to walk on the line and to not give her a reason to question our work…" He said eyeing Morgan and Garcia knowingly.

"Understood, boss-man". Garcia said quickly.

"Finally, I just wanted to tell you all that I'll do my best to fill your expectations on this position and that if any of you have any problems, worries or concerns towards this job, please come talk to me. We all were testimony of what can happen when you let this job consume you and swallow you whole. I don't want another agent coming to my office to hand me their badges. It was too bad one time, I don't want another". He said looking at them. "You all know how dedicated I am to my family. I love my son and my wife with all my heart but you guys… you guys are the other half of my family. That's why this team functions so well. Because we don't just work together. We live together, we share things, we joke, we cry on each other's shoulders… not me of course…" He joked making them laugh. "We are a family. Each one of you has a place in my life and my heart. Emily may be new here but she already had hers since forever and now she's winning another one. So, if anyone of you needs anything just know you can come to me, not only as your boss but especially as your friend…" He finished.

"Ohh my captain, you're going to make me cry!" Garcia cried and everyone chuckled. "We _are_ a big, dysfunctional and crazy family and I'm very happy that we're sticking together!" She said putting one arm around Emily's shoulder. "And you, my raven-haired beauty queen, already won your place in my big heart, and let me tell you something, it's really big!"

"Thank you, Garcia…" Emily chuckled.

"Anyway, I got the next couple of days off for us so you can focus only on your paperwork and consults and leave at 5 because we won't be called away…" Hotch said.

"Wow, I'm really liking this new boss already…" Morgan joked.

"Yeah, right. I want to talk to you in my office for a moment, please…" Hotch said and Garcia chuckled, joking that he was already in trouble.

They entered Hotch's office and he motioned to one of his visitor's chairs. "Have a seat please…"

"What's up, man?"

"Well, two things. First of all, I honestly think you are the most experienced agent on this team to take the second in charge spot. So, I'd like to know if you're interested in being trained to help me on this… it wouldn't affect your work too much. The final word would still be mine along with the responsibility for everything but in case that I needed to be away for a moment you would assume the lead". He said cautiously. "What do you say?"

"Wow, man. It's really an honor… I don't know if I'll fit but I'm willing to learn. I really don't want to replace you any time soon but if I can help you, especially considering how much you'll be away from your family, I'll do it…"

"Thank you… I really appreciate". He nodded. "We'll start with you getting used to the paperwork and basic procedures and that we'll escalate, okay?"

"No problem… and the second thing?" He asked.

"Right…" He said shifting in his sit. "Well… you know how we usually pair up the team, right?" He asked and Morgan nodded. "I would like to pair you up with Emily from now on… not always, but on most cases…"

"Okay…" Morgan nodded slowly. "May I ask you why?"

"Well… it's just, from everyone on the team, you and I are the most fit for the work on the field. And I don't think she'll be comfortable to be paired with me so soon. So I'd like to keep her with you at least until I'm more confident with her abilities on the field". He said.

Morgan eyed him for a few seconds before raising an eyebrow. "So, basically you want me to protect her on the field". He stated.

Hotch looked down and nodded slowly. "Basically. Not that I don't trust her. But because I know I won't be able to focus on the job if I'm worrying about her being in danger chasing an unsub or in some high-risk situation…" He said quietly. "Please, don't tell her that. She'll probably shoot me if she found out, but for my piece of mind I need to know that she's safe".

They looked at each other in silence for a while before Morgan asked. "You still love her, don't you?"

Hotch just look at him for a minute before nodding quietly. "I'll probably love that woman until the day I die, Derek…" He said using his first name on propose to make him know it was a private conversation.

Morgan nodded, choosing not to comment his confession. "Don't worry man. I'll keep an eye on her". He promised.

"Thank you…" Hotch said. "Thank you very much…"

 **A/N: Owwww, we had some sweet hints of Hotch and Emily just to settle our hearts for now. Next chapter will have more. Oh, and I just have to say, I absolutely love Hotch and Garcia's relationship and how he is the only one that can make her blush like that and she seems to know exactly how to make him smile :) So, I'll explore this friendship in this story, along with Hotch and Morgan's too. It will be a way to integrate the two couples sometimes...**

 **Next chapter we'll introduce Anna into this fic. For those who don't know, she's my creation to be Hotch's mom, and her relationship with Emily will be really strong in this fic too. Next chapter will also start the hints about Morgan and Garcia. If you guys keep your awesome reviews maybe I'll post it until Sunday night :)**


	6. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello sweeties! I'm sorry I couldn't post it yesterday... Thank you all so much for your reviews... they are awesome, just like you :D**

 **Here is the fifth chapter... I said on the last one that Anna would appear on this one but I changed. She will be on the next one, for sure, and it'll be worth the wait :) I hope you guys like it! There is some H/P fluffy mix with a case and then some M/G sweetness too!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 5

The team was working on a new case at Dallas, Texas. It was now two weeks since Emily's start and the things were starting to feel normal again. Aaron and Emily managed to fall into their working holes as supervisor and subordinate and the awkwardness wasn't present all the time anymore.

Emily, JJ, Reid and Morgan were working at the station, waiting for Jason and Hotch to come back from the latest dumpsite. Until they were called three women were stabbed to death and left in dark alleys at night to be found in the morning. The unsub was escalating fast, having killed the first victim eight days prior, the second one three days later, the third two days after that, the fourth on the night before the team arrived and the last one had been found that morning. If the unsub followed the pattern another woman would be killed in the next two days.

"Ughh, I'm starting to be really pissed with this guy…" Emily groaned.

"Tell me about it. The son of a bitch doesn't leave a single lead on the dumpsites or in the victims. And they don't have anything in common… different color, different ages, different classes, everything. It's like he picks them at the street and says, hey you, I'm gonna kill you right now!" Morgan said.

"And this place is just so damn hot!" She whined, arranging her hair in a messy bump on top of her head. "What I wouldn't give right now for just one little piece of…" She stopped when three little Hershey kisses were placed in front of her. She looked up to see Hotch's face smiling slightly at her. "H-how the hell did you…"

"Heat makes you cranky and when you're cranky you want chocolate. Especially Hershey kisses of milk chocolate filled with Caramel". He said taking a seat beside Morgan.

Emily just started at him with wide eyes before taking one candy. "Thank you…" She whispered, ignoring the knowing smile from JJ. As she took a piece of the candy she groaned in pleasure. "Oh my God, this is heaven…"

"Share a little with us, princess?" Morgan said reaching for one of the kisses when she slapped his hand. "Hey!"

"I wouldn't do that if I were you, Morgan. You don't mess with Emily's chocolates… I learned it on the hard way…" Hotch said shaking his head.

"But just a little bite…" Morgan whined.

"No!" Emily said taking the other two candies off the table. "It's mine. If you want one go buy it yourself…"

"But you didn't buy it! Hotch did!"

"But he bought for me…" She said eating the second candy.

"I really think you shouldn't play favorites anymore, Aaron…" Jason said chuckling along with JJ and Reid.

"I'm not. I just know a few things…" He said. "Anyway, the new dumpsite it's basically the same as the others". He said hoping to change the subject.

"The body was wrapped in a white blanket that was soaked in her blood. She was a blonde this time. Green eyes. Probably no more than twenty-six…" Jason said.

Morgan's phone rang and he answered quickly. "Sweetheart, please tell me you have something for me…"

"Oh my Chocolate God, I could give you so much…" Garcia purred making him grin. "But, if you're asking if I have something useful to catch this creepy I would just say that your goddess once again exceeded herself, not that it's a surprise anyway. I'm just that awesome…"

"Garcia…" Hotch said.

"Sorry sir. I was looking again into the victims' history to see if I could find a single connection between them and I found something interesting…"

"Go ahead…"

"I had already seen that two of the four first victims went to a convenience store the same day they were killed. They used their credit card so I managed to trace them. But the other victims didn't have been there according to their registers so I let it slide… But that kept bugging me so I went back and trace into the cameras from the traffic monitoring to see if I could take a good look at the store. There was this camera that had a clean vision right to the front of the store so I checked the records to see if the other victims went there the day they were killed and all of them passed through there. I assume they paid in cash so I couldn't trace through their registers. But I run the facial recognition program and it's definitely them. I couldn't see if the last victim went there too because we still don't have her identity confirmed. _And_ the store is coincidentally right in the middle of the unsub's comfort zone, according to our little genius' geographical profile".

"Baby Girl, you're absolutely perfect…" Morgan breathed after she finished.

"You only say that because it's true…" She said smiling and he chuckled.

"Garcia, did you check the employees to see if they have any history?" Emily asked.

"Of course I did, my sweet gumdrop. There is this guy that screams creepy bastard to me. Christopher Hankins, thirty two years. His mother was murdered by a thief twenty-six years ago. She was stabbed three times and little Christopher was with her. His father is unlisted and he doesn't have any other relatives. He was placed in an orphanage and lived there until he was eighteen. He passed through seventeen jobs on the last two years and he has two accusations of harassment by two ex-coworkers".

"Do you have an address, Garcia?" Hotch asked.

"Silly question boss-man… it was already on your cellphones two minutes ago. Home and work addresses".

"Good job…"

"Stay safe, my heroes!" She said before hanging up.

\\*\\*\\*\

They were on the jet on their way home later that night. The suspect Garcia found was in fact the unsub and they managed to get a confession very quickly with both Morgan and Hotch leading the interrogation. Morgan was listening to music while Emily and Reid were reading and the others were working on files. The ringing of Hotch's phone cut the silence on the plane and he answered quickly without looking at the ID.

"Hotchner".

 _"_ _Am I interrupting?"_ Haley's voice came through the line.

"No, not at all. I'm sorry sweetheart. I didn't look at the ID before answering…" He answered smiling.

 _"_ _Good… do you think you're going to come home until Saturday?"_

"I'm already on the jet, honey. I forgot to text you, sorry…"

 _"_ _Really? Good! Then can you invite the team over? We're having your yearly surprise party…"_ She said back and he could avoid bursting out in laugh.

"C'mon, you're not even trying to make it a surprise anymore?" He asked chuckling.

 _"_ _Nope. It's not worth it. You always find out and then we have to believe in your awfully fake surprised look…"_ She said playfully annoyed.

"Hey, I have a great poker face, must I tell you…"

 _"_ _Hm hmm, sure honey…"_

"Anyway, I'll invite them…" He said shaking his head with a smile.

 _"_ _Thank you babe. Come home safely, okay? Love you…"_

"Love you too, sweetheart. Bye…" He said hanging up. He quickly dialed number four on speed dial and waited for his tech to pick up.

 _"_ _Boss-man? What can I do for you?"_

"Wait a minute Penelope, I want to talk to you all…" He quickly put it on speaker and turned to the team. "Hey guys, Haley just called to ask me to invite you all for my surprise party this Saturday…" He said smiling slightly.

"Oh, she finally gave up trying to hide from you…" Gideon said chuckling.

"Yeah, she said I always find out and she's tired to put up with my fake surprised face…" He said chuckling. "Anyway, you're all invited. Same time, same place…" He turned to Emily who was quiet with a thoughtful look. "I know it may be weird but if you could come it would be nice…" He asked hopefully.

She tilted her head and shrugged. "Yeah, well, I can't avoid Haley forever, right?"

"If it makes things better, she's probably terrified. Her exact words were 'she can break me with her pinkie finger'"… He said and they all chuckled.

"Okay, I'll think about it…" She nodded.

"Thank you…" He smiled at her.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Thank you, hot stuff…" Garcia said smiling when Morgan handed her a bowl with popcorn and sat beside her on his couch. After the team had landed he invited her over for a movie night.

"So… what did you choose for us tonight?" He asked putting his arms around her shoulders and smiling when she snuggled closer to him.

"War of the worlds…" She said smiling. "After those awfully nasty pictures that filled my screens these past few days I need some beauty and Tom Cruise it's just P-E-R-F-E-C-T!"

"I'm wounded, woman". Morgan said putting his hand on his chest feigning pain. "Are you saying that this little white dude is hotter than I am?"

"Of course not, my hot piece of chocolate. There isn't a single manly specimen in this world that could be more perfect than you…" She said kissing his cheek. "But I like to expand my options, you know… if you never open your eyes to see this perfect goddess in front of you I can always book a flight to Los Angeles and see if I can beat Kate Holmes and get him to myself…" She said with a grin.

Morgan grinned back but felt his insides tightening at her words. "Believe me, I see you very well, my baby girl…" He whispered smiling, his hand caressing her cheek.

She looked down to her lap to hide her blush at his words, wishing from the bottom of her heart that they would mean what she wanted so much. Deciding to change the subject she looked up at the screen with a thoughtful look. "It's kinda weird working with the boss-man and Emily, right?" She asked.

Morgan sighed nodding. "Yeah… there's just too much left unsaid, I think… and honestly, it's kind of ridiculous how much he is crazy about her…" He commented.

"I know! He looks at her all the time with such longing… it's so sad…" She whispered.

"Well, she's like the one that got away… I don't doubt that he loves Haley but he never managed to forget Emily… I'm just curious about how much they'll be able to hide their feelings… it's like a bomb waiting to explode…"

"JJ told me about the chocolate thing… it's just so incredibly cute!" She beamed.

"You should have seen her face… she was absolutely astonished…"

"I just know one thing… Saturday will be absolutely epic!" She said grinning at him.

He just chuckled and shook his head. "That will be, sweetheart… that will be…" He kissed her forehead and tucked her under his chin. "Now put the movie on… let's see this skinny white jerk trying to save the world…" He said and chuckled at her excitement. Closing his eyes and leaning back at the couch he breathed her flowery scent and smiled. This was exactly what he needed after a rough case.

 **A/N: Pretty please, let a review :)**


	7. Chapter 6

**A/N: Hello my sweeties! Thank you all for your reviews! They made me very happy and proud and they made me work faster so here it is! Two chapters in two days! :D Here we'll have the part one of Hotch's party and Anna e Emily's reencounter. I really hope you guys like it!**

 **Thank you again, Christy.**

 **Disclaimer: Don't own CM.**

Chapter 6

Saturday morning came quickly and Emily stopped her alarm with a groan. She closed her eyes and sunk back into her pillows. Today would be Aaron's birthday party and she still hadn't decided if she would go or not. She looked at the clock and saw it was already nine and the party started at eleven. JJ had offered a ride and she should send her a text to confirm.

Honestly she didn't know what to do. If she didn't go she knew that he would understand but even so it would look bad. She knew that she wouldn't leave her job so soon and she knew that neither would he. So she needed to find a way to push her feelings inside and live with the fact the she was just his coworker. He was married and happy with Haley and their son. She knew that if she wanted to keep this job she had to understand that they were all a family, they had barbeques and night-outings very often and that meant that she would have to see Haley from time to time.

So what was the point in avoiding it now? She had decided, from the moment she saw him at her first day in the BAU that she wouldn't let her feelings interfere into their job. She had to try to build a new relationship with him, with trust and understanding because it was crucial in their line of job. She had to put the past aside, just like she had said to him on the first day.

With that thought in mind she got up and picked her cellphone, sending a quick text to JJ to ask for the lift she offered. She took a long hot shower and dressed in a simple purple shirt with jeans and flip-flops and prepared some waffles to eat with a cup of coffee. She sat at her kitchen and looked at the small package in front of her with a sigh. She had bought the day before a light-blue tie with little silver lines as a gift for him. It had reminded her of the tie he had worn on his graduation party, right before they moved back to Virginia.

She lost herself in her memories until she heard her doorbell ringing. She got up quickly and looked at the peephole to see JJ standing on the other side. She opened the door with a small smile to greet her blonde friend. "Hey Jayje".

"Hey Em… you're ready?" She asked.

"As I've ever been…" She answered taking her keys and the present and closed the door behind her.

"You okay?" JJ asked quietly when they got into the car.

"Ask me at the end of the day…" She murmured quietly looking through the passenger window.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Do you think she'll come?" Haley asked Hotch while she was finishing the cake in the kitchen.

"I don't know… I invited her… I hope so…" He said quietly arranging the drinks on the fridge.

"Hey dad, grandma is here with Uncle Sean…" Jack called from the living room.

Hotch smiled and went to greet them. "Where's my birthday boy?" Anna Hotchner asked smiling when she saw her oldest son.

"Hi mom…" He smiled and took her in a hug.

"Hey baby… happy birthday!" She kissed both his cheeks.

"Thank you mom… I missed you…"

"Missed you too, honey… New York was great but I missed my home…" She said smiling. She had gone to spend five weeks with Sean at his apartment in NY after he suffered an accident and had to use crutches.

"And how are you feeling, Sean?" Hotch asking giving his brother a hug.

"A lot better, big bro. Happy birthday! Six-five already?" He teased.

"You are so funny, kid…" He shook his head.

"What time will your friends be coming?" Anna asked.

"Soon…" He said. "Mom, about my team… I have some news…" He said cautiously.

"What is it, baby?" She asked sitting at the couch, while the others went to the backyard.

"One of our agents, Elle, quit last month and Jason brought a new one to replace her…" He started. "It's… it's Emily, mom…"

Anna looked at him confused for a few seconds before widening her eyes. "You mean…"

"Emily Prentiss, yeah". He nodded.

"Oh my God…" She gasped. "Is she coming today?" She asked teary.

"I don't know… I invited her but I don't know if she'll come… I hope so…" He said.

"God… Emily… I can't believe it…" She whispered.

"I didn't either when I saw her… it was a shock for both of us but we're adjusting…"

"And how is she?"

"She's good… she's an incredible agent… smart, strong… still has a wonderful heart… everyone took her so well…" He answered her. "And she's still so beautiful…" He whispered.

Anna smiled at him knowingly. "And how are you?"

"I'm adjusting… it's hard…" He breathed.

"You still feel something, don't you?" She asked.

Hotch just closed his eyes and swallowed hard. "She takes my breath away every time I see her, mom…" He whispered.

"Oh baby…"

"I hurt her so much, mom. I see in her eyes, you know. It tears me apart… I ignored it for so long… it was easier, to pretend that nothing ever happened, that I was already with Haley and we were just going to start our family like we'd supposed to do…"

"And now everything has just been thrown in your face again, right?" She completed.

"Yeah… and every time I look at her I can see her disappointed face when I told her about Haley or when I say I couldn't be with her anymore… I see her haunted look when she gave me her ring back… I see the tears she thought I didn't see when she turned away and left… it's so hard, mom…" He whispered brokenly.

"Oh sweetie… and how is Haley taking this?" She asked.

"At first she was startled, but…" He huffed and ran his hands through his hair. "Haley has always known that I left Emily because of Jack… she's aware that she's always been in my heart and probably will be until the day I die… she knows I won't ever do anything… I've learnt my lesson".

"I understand…"

"But I can't help but feel bad, you know. It's not fair with Haley… it's not fair that I keep dreaming about another woman when I'm in bed with her… it's not fair… she deserves better… she deserves me whole but I just… I could never give it to her…"

"I know, baby…" She caressed his cheek. Unbeknown to both of them Haley was listening to their talk from the kitchen. "But you try. Every single day I know you try to be a good husband and a good father… unfortunately you just can't control your heart's choices…"

"Yeah…" He murmured back.

Haley leaned her head on the wall with a sigh. She was tired. Honestly to God tired. Tired of being the second best. Tired of being the obligation. She heard the way her _husband_ talked about that woman and wanted nothing more than have someone who spoke like that about _her._ Was it such a hard thing to ask? Didn't she have the right to live a love like that? A love that gives butterflies on her tummy and makes her palms sweat… it was so wrong to want that? She didn't think so.

It wasn't a shock either for her to know for sure that she wouldn't ever have that with Aaron. Nor did she want it. In the almost fifteen years they were married she always felt cherish, safe, secure. It was the perfect family, the perfect marriage, the perfect picture to everyone. But God, how much she wanted passion, fire and desire. How much she wanted the playfulness, the craziness and spontaneity. And now, more than ever, she knew for sure. She deserved better. Both of them did.

\\*\\*\\*\

They were all in the backyard, except for Anna who was upstairs in the bathroom. Jason, Garcia, Morgan and Reid were already there and they were all talking while Hotch and Sean took care of the grill and Haley and Jack were arranging the tables. "Where is JJ?" Reid asked.

"She sent a text saying she's coming. She went to pick up Em…" Garcia answered.

"Really? She's coming?" Hotch asked surprised. He really thought she wouldn't come.

"Yep…" Garcia nodded.

"Who is this?" Sean asked curious.

"The new agent of our team… Emily…" Hotch started. "Prentiss…" He completed and Sean's eyes went wide.

"You're shitting me?" He gasped.

"Nope…" He shook his head.

"Damn… Emily Prentiss… now there's a face I haven't seen in a long time…" He said smiling. "I bet she's still hot…"

"Sean…" Hotch said warningly.

"What? She's not yours anymore, bro…" He said chuckling just as the doorbell rang.

"Behave". He warned him before going to answer it. "Hey!" He said smiling at the two missing women. "Thank you for coming… everyone else is already back there…" He said pointing to the back door.

"Happy birthday, Hotch!" JJ said smiling, hugging him briefly.

"Thanks JJ". He smiled at her. "Thank you for coming…" He said to Emily.

"Of course… here… it's just a little thing…" She said handing him the gift.

"You didn't have to… thanks…" He said placing the gift along with the others on the coffee table.

"You're welcome… Happy birthday…" She whispered and leaned in to give him an awkward hug. He buried his face on her hair and breathed heavily. She still had the same sweet smell of strawberries and he felt his insides trembling at the memories.

They parted quickly and turned to JJ that was waiting for them. "Let's go back there…" He said guiding them.

"Hey my pretties!" Garcia smiled at the sight of her friends. "What took you so long?"

"It was my fault. I forgot to fuel the car…" JJ said.

"Emily Prentiss, as the air that I breathe…" Sean smiled eyeing her up and down and approaching her to give her a hug.

"Hey Sean!" She smiled at him.

"Damn, you look even more gorgeous. How the hell is that possible?" He breathed and she chuckled.

"Sean…" Hotch warned him again.

"Oh, you shush it. You can't threaten me for ogling her anymore…" He said teasingly. "She's all free for me to take a chance…"

Emily just chuckled and shook her head. "Sorry Sean, but I already had my share of Hotchners for a lifetime. I'm really not interested…"

"Not even me, sweetheart?" A sweet voice asked from the doorway and Emily froze on spot.

She looked at Hotch with watery eyes and he nodded encouraging to her, smiling. She turned around slowly and gasped at the sight of the woman she had missed so much in the last fifteen years. "M-Anna?"

Anna narrowed her eyes and shook her head. "Anna? It's Anna now?"

Emily looked down and shook her head slightly. "It's just… I'm not sure if…"

"Oh, sweetheart… nothing in this world could ever change how I feel about you…" She said smiling walking towards her.

"Mom?" She whispered quietly as a tear fell on her cheek.

"Oh, my sweet baby…" Anna whispered back and opened her arms invitingly. Emily all but collapsed on her arms and buried her face on her neck, crying soundlessly while Anna caressed her back and her hair, whispering soothingly words to her.

"I missed you so much, mom…" Emily whispered painfully on her neck.

"I missed you too, my baby girl. Every single day…" Anna whispered back looking at her son who watched the scene with watery eyes too. "You'll always be my sweet baby daughter…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Yale University – New Haven, Connecticut. August, 1989.

"Sweetheart?" Aaron called as he entered his apartment that evening. He had just got back from the airport. His mother had come from Virginia to spend the weekend with him and he was going to introduce her for the first time to Emily. They had been dating for six months now and she had moved into his apartment two weeks ago.

"In the kitchen!" Emily called back. She was just finishing dinner and her nerves were killing her. She had chosen to stay at home while he went to pick his mother to have some extra time to prepare herself to meet her. She wasn't normally a shy person. She was very confident and strong and she didn't fear any challenge. But for some reason, the idea of meeting Aaron's mother was terrifying to her. Maybe because she had noticed already that his relationship with her was very strong, especially after his father died. Or maybe because he was the first man she dated that she could see herself with for the rest of her life. So the idea of meeting his mother left her pretty much panicked.

What if she didn't like her? What if she didn't think she was good enough for her son? Hell, she couldn't have a good relationship with her own mother, how was she supposed to please a very conservative Virginian mother?

She could feel her palms sweating again as she heard the footsteps approaching and her breathing became elaborated. "Hey…" Aaron whispered to her as he entered the kitchen and leaned down to kiss her forehead. "Calm down…" He whispered to her and squeezed her arm. "Honey, I'd like you to meet my mother, Anna Hotchner. Mom, this is Emily…" He introduced them smiling and Emily looked up at the tall woman in front of her.

She had light-brown hair and was very slim. She was wearing a black pencil skirt and a blue shirt with a white cardigan. In the moment Emily looked into her eyes she found herself feeling such a warmth that she couldn't explain. Her smile was sweet and she approached Emily with an appreciative look. "Nice to meet you, Mrs. Hotchner". She said with a smile.

"Oh, look at you… you were right, baby. She is so pretty…" She said looking at Aaron. "It's so good to finally meet you sweetheart… and please, it's just Anna. Mrs. Hotchner was my mother-in-law, God has her soul". She said and Aaron chuckled.

"Okay, Anna…" Emily nodded smiling. "I hope you're hungry, dinner is almost ready…"

"You didn't have to bother, honey…" Anna said looking at Emily while she finished the pasta. "But it sure smells good…"

"Emily makes one amazing pasta… it's the only thing she can do without burning the house but it's amazing…" Aaron said and Anna chuckled.

"Aaron!" Emily cried mortified and smacked at his arm.

"Oh, it's okay darling. I didn't even know how to make scrambled eggs for Aaron's father when we met… you'll learn with time…" She said smiling.

"I'm just teasing her… her pancakes are heavenly and no one knows to make my coffee like her… not even I do!" He chuckled kissing her forehead.

"That's because it's the Emily Special, honey. You didn't even know it before you met me…" She smiled back.

"And now I can't live without it…" He said with a more serious tone, looking into her eyes. "I'll go to the bathroom really quick okay?" He said kissing her sweetly and walking down the hall.

Anna looked at her son with a smile before turning to Emily. "I know my son very well, sweetheart. And I just have one thing to say to you…" She said looking at her apprehensive face. "Welcome to the family…" She finished smiling.

 **A/N: I built this relationship between Anna and Emily in my head since Oblivion and I absolutely love it! We'll finish their encounter on the next one. Also, who wants a talk between Emily and Haley? If you ask nicely, maybe you'll have it already :D Next one we'll have more Jack too. I'm missing him in this fic...!**

 **Don't forget to review, please :) I'll try really hard to post the next one before Friday. You guys know what to do to help me...**


	8. Chapter 7

**A/N: Wow! It's been so long and I'm so sorry! I've been so busy with work at the university and I also opened a home bakery with my sister and we had two weekends full with orders of cakes and cupcakes so the time-off I managed to get I used to sleep... Sorry :(**

 **Thank you so much for your reviews. I couldn't answer all yet but just know that they made me really happy.**

 **Here is the new chapter. I worked really hard to make this good. I hope you like it. And thanks again, Christy.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM. Just Anna :)**

Chapter 7

"Oh, let me look at you…" Anna breathed pulling back from their embrace and taking Emily's hands with hers. "You look so beautiful, sweetie…" She said smiling looking at her.

"I can't believe you're really here…" Emily whispered while Anna brushed her thumb on her cheek to wipe her tears.

"Neither do I, honey… I thought I would never see you again…" She answered smiling. "Come with me. We have so much to talk about…" She said taking her hand and pulling her towards the house. "Call us when it's time to cut the cake…" She called over her shoulder and directed them towards the living room.

Hotch looked at them with sad watery eyes and shook his head to clear his thoughts. "They were really close, weren't they?" Gideon asked. He looked up to see the whole team watching the scene curiously.

"I think mom felt the separation more than me…" He tried to joke. "Emily never had a good relationship with the Ambassador, her mother, and when I introduced her to mom they just clicked, you know". He explained. "It was really amazing. Before our first anniversary she was already calling her mom too. When everything happened mom wouldn't speak with me for like five or six months. And honestly I think she just started talking again because of Jack…" He said sadly. "But she felt really hard. On Mother's Day or her birthday they would always have dinner together, just the two of them… it was a really strong bond, she really missed it". He looked back at the house with a sad expression. "I'm glad they're finally having the change to rebuild that…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Jack Hotchner watched the scene in front of him confusedly. He saw his uncle hugging a pretty brunette he had never seen with his father's team and then his grandma came and hugged her too, looking at her with the same eyes she looked at him or his father and his uncle. Watching more carefully he could see that his grandma was crying behind her smile and the woman was crying too.

He saw the way his father was looking at them and couldn't remember if he had ever seen such a sad look in his eyes. He was sure that if he looked closely he would find tears in his eyes and he knew for sure that he had never seen his father crying. Not even tearing. So, who the hell was that woman?

"Mom?" He said looking back at his mother.

"Yes, honey?" Haley answered cautiously, already knowing what her son was going to ask.

"Who is the new lady?" He asked.

Haley breathed heavily and looked at her son. She never, ever had lied to him and she didn't want to start it now. Jack already knew about his father's past relationship and the history behind his conception because of one discussion between her and Aaron that he had heard, so she decided to just tell the truth. "Do you remember that time you heard me talking with your father about his ex-fiancé?"

"The one he was with before you two got together and made me?" He asked frowning.

"Yeah…" She nodded. "Well, that's her. Emily Prentiss…" She clarified.

Jack widened his eyes and looked back at the house. "And what she's doing here?" He asked confused.

"Well… you know that Agent Greenaway left your father's team, right?" At his nod she continued. "So, Gideon interviewed some new agents to fill her place and he ended up choosing her… your father didn't know until she was introduced to the team…"

"Wow… so, she's back…" He said surprised.

"Yeah, she's back…" Haley nodded.

Jack looked at his father who was still sneaking glances into the house. "Hey, mom?" Haley hummed at him and he looked back at her with wary eyes. "What will happen to us?"

"What do you mean, baby?" She frowned.

"Oh, c'mon mom, I'm not stupid. You just have to look at dad to see he didn't forget her… and now, with her working with him? What will happen with our family?"

Haley closed her eyes with a sigh. "Honey… your father is committed with us and this won't change… He won't leave us for her… I know that for sure…"

"So, he'll just keep ogling her forever?" He asked seriously.

She smiled sadly at her son. "Sometimes you're just too smart for your own good, Jack Hotchner…" She shook her head and sneaked a look to her husband. "I honestly don't know, sweetheart. What I do know is that he'll always be your father, no matter what. Do you understand that?"

"I know that, mom. But where does this leave you?" He asked her and she did her best to keep the tears back.

"I don't know, honey". She whispered looking at her husband. "I honestly don't even know where I want to be anymore…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Emily and Anna sat side by side on the couch and Anna held Emily's hands again, placing them on her lap. "Okay, sweetie. Now, tell me, how are you?" She asked with a smile.

"I'm…" Emily started and then swallowed heavily. "I'm hanging in there, mom… it's so hard… I wasn't prepared for that. I didn't think I would have to face that again…" She said quietly while a few tears fell down her cheeks again.

"I know, baby. Aaron told me that it was a big surprise for both of you… he's struggling really hard too, you know…" She said cautiously.

"I know… but it's because he feels guilty… it was different for him. He has his family, he's obviously happy here and he loves Haley… everyone can see that… he had fifteen years of a happy marriage, with a son he's crazy about, a wife he loves and wants and a job he's just one of the bests at it. And me? I had to rebuild my whole life. I had to accept the fact that the only man I've ever loved betrayed me and then chose another life, without me. I understand his reasons, he wanted his son to have a real family. I get that, I really do. But it doesn't make it hurt any less…" She explained.

"I understand, sweetheart. But you're wrong to say that it was easier for him… I watched my son these past fifteen years and even though he has indeed a very good marriage and his son is the best thing in his life, he wasn't entirely happy. I watched him mourn every single February 21th because he remembered your first date. I saw him crying when I helped him to move into his new house when we were packing the things in your old apartment… he had to move on because he had a child to worry but not even for a second think that he didn't suffer, honey…"

Emily stayed in silence for a few seconds before swallowing hard. "Okay, but it's in the past. We work together now. He's my boss and that's it. Tell me about you… how are you?" She asked changing the subject.

Anna nodded sadly and caressed her cheek. "I'm fine, honey. I was in New York these past few weeks… Sean was in a car accident and I was taking care of him… but I still live in the same house… I'm retired now, of course. But I still do consults for some new writers… it keeps me busy… and of course, I spoil my grandbaby…" She said smiling.

Emily chuckled nodding. She knew how much Anna always wanted to be a grandma and that brought some sad thoughts because she remembered how _she_ had promised her that they would give one to her soon. "I imagined so…"

"What about you, honey?" She asked. "What did you do all these years?"

"Oh… I traveled a lot the first year. Then I came back and applied for the CIA. Dad never admitted it but I'm sure he pulled some strings…" She said shaking her head. "But, anyway… I focused on my job. Anything that made me busy, helped me to forget. Thankfully I had to go away often on several assignments so it was easy to not stay at home thinking… after a few years I went to the Academy and made into the FBI. I stayed in the Seattle's Office for a while before coming back to DC and applying to the BAU. It was my dream ever since I joined the Bureau. Of course I never dreamed that I would meet Aaron again".

"I see…" She nodded. "And you never found anyone?" She asked curiously.

Emily just shook her head. "No… I dated a few guys but it never lasted more than a few months. I just couldn't… commit. Trust. Give myself again, you know…"

"I'm so sorry, honey…" Anna said running her hand through Emily's hair.

"Grandma?" Jack appeared on the doorway.

"Yes, sweetie?"

"Mom is calling… they're cutting the cake now…" He said looking at them curiously.

"Okay, we're coming…" Anna answered smiling and he nodded before leaving. "Let's go, honey…" She said standing and tugging Emily's hand.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Hi". Haley said quietly as she approached Emily. The rest of the team was gathered by the grill talking with Aaron and Sean while Anna was inside with Jack. She noticed Emily going to the fridge to grab a beer and decided to just go over with it.

Emily looked up with a startle and frowned. "Oh, hi…" She waved awkwardly.

They shared an awkward silence before Haley cleared her throat. "So… how are you?"

"I'm good, thanks. You?"

"I'm fine…" She answered looking down to her feet. "Look, Emily… I just wanted to tell you that I'm okay with all of this, you know… you working with Aaron… you probably already noticed that the team is really close like a family and we usually have these BBQ's or night's out and we'll probably see each other often so… I just… I think I didn't want to have this heavy awkwardness between us…" She stammered.

Emily sighed and looked at the team to see if anyone was paying attention to their talk. "There's no reason for it, Haley… I don't hold any resentment towards you… it takes two to tango, right? It would be unfair of me to just blame you… you and Aaron had one too many and it had consequences… Aaron made his choice and I was out. Don't worry, I know my place very well. You're his wife and I'm just a coworker. You got him and I had to come with terms with it a very long time ago…"

"Did I?" Haley whispered looking at her husband.

"What?" Emily frowned at her.

Haley sighed sadly and looked back at her. "I have the most amazing husband in the world. He gave me fifteen years of caring, happiness, respect… he gave me the best thing in my life, our son… he gave me his time, his dedication… he just couldn't give me one thing… his heart…"

Emily widened her eyes slightly. "Haley…"

"No, it's true..." She cut her. "He couldn't. You never gave it back to him… he loves me, I know that. But he couldn't ever forget you… I don't blame him, never did… he was forced to leave you by his principles… he did what he thought it would be the best for our baby and I know he doesn't regret it. That's why I never hold it against him… I ignored all the times he cried for you when he thought I was sleeping… all the times he called your name in our bed… all the times he looked at the picture of you he thinks he hides from me… maybe that's why I never could give my heart completely to him either…"

"Why are you telling me this?" Emily asked frowning, purposely ignoring the ache in her heart at the woman's words.

"Because I know what a great man he is… I know it's because of that that he suffers every single time he looks at you because he knows how much he hurt you…" She answered truthfully. "I guess I'm telling you this because I want you to know that he suffered just as much as you… and knowing that, I hope you think before saying something to hurt him for resentment or revenge… he already paid for everything he did, trust me. I saw every single day…"

Emily just nodded at her and excused herself, going back to where the team was. Aaron, who had seen the end of their conversation, walked towards his wife and looked at her with wary eyes. "Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, babe…" She said smiling at him.

"What were you two talking about?" He asked curiously, taking her hand and pulling her into his arms.

"I was just telling her that I'm okay with her working with you…" She said and he smiled at her.

"I love you, you know that?" He asked leaning in to give her a kiss and frowning when she turned her head to the side making him kiss her cheek.

"Not here, okay…" She whispered into his neck and felt him nod.

"I really love you…" He whispered back after a few seconds.

"I know you do. Go back to the grill or Sean will burn everything for being distracted trying to flirt with JJ…" She said and he chuckled. She watched him smacking his brother's head and laughing along with his team and sighed. He was really a good man.

 **A/N: So? I'd really love some reviews... Next one will be based on Profiler, Profiled so it'll be more focused on Morgan and Garcia with a few hints of Hotch and Emily. And also a little surprise about Haley. Who will guess what it is?**

 **Also, are you guys missing more flashbacks too or it's just me? Let me know!**


	9. Chapter 8

**A/N: Happy Sunday! I can't believe I managed to finish this before the end of the weekend! YAY!**

 **I'm so nervous about this chapter... It's focused on Morgan and Garcia and it's my first attempt to write them like this and I'm nervous. Really. So, please, be nice? *-* It places on Profiler, Profiled but I skiped the case because everyone knows what happened already and I didn't feel the need to repeat it. I really hope you guys like it...**

 **Oh, and Haley's surprise will come just next chapter.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 8

"Okay honey bear, last call. Go or you'll lose your flight…" Penelope said to her dark-skinned friend as they were standing in the middle of the boarding area. He was going to his yearly trip to Chicago for his mother's birthday.

"Thank you for the lift, sweetheart…" Derek smiled at her leaning to give a light kiss on her forehead.

"Anything for you, my love. Give Mama Morgan a kiss for me, okay?"

He nodded at her and caressed her cheek. "I'm going to miss you…" He whispered at her and smiled when she flushed at his intense look.

"It's just three days…" She chuckled embarrassedly, avoiding eye contact.

He tilted her chin up to make her look at his eyes. "Doesn't matter…" He leaned in to kiss her cheek and grabbed his bag from the floor. "I'll call you when I land, okay?"

"Okay… bye, sugar-lips". She smiled at him.

"Bye, sweetheart…" He said going towards the gate. She watched him go and waved smiling when he looked back at her just before he entered. When he was out of sight she brought her hand to touch her cheek and closed her eyes with a sigh. As much as she loved, _absolutely loved,_ those little touches and looks and flirts, sometimes she couldn't avoid the ache in her chest that they caused.

Chuckling humorlessly she turned away and walked towards the exit. It was really masochist of her to fall in love like this. Ever since the first day, that first 'baby girl', Penelope Garcia and Derek Morgan had become best friends. At first she couldn't understand why he had showed so much interest in the new geek tech. She was a little apprehensive because, by her experience, guys like him didn't go for girls like her, not even as friends. She was guarded at first and even though she answered his flirts and jokes she was careful to not get attached and not let him get under her shell.

That had worked for a while. But with the time she noticed that he was different. On the outside he seemed to be another ladies man who was well aware of how good-looking he was and used that to get as much as women he could get, no strings attached. Anyone who didn't know him would thing of him as a bully, big strong man with a badge and a gun, who wasn't afraid to use it to get what he wanted.

But on the inside… on the inside she found out that Derek Morgan was just a big fluffy bear with an enormous heart. He was a ladies man, for sure, but he would never be able to hurt a woman knowingly. He was a family man, a momma's boy, a protective big brother and a wonderful friend. He was a big, black man with a badge and a gun but he only used it to do the right things, to bring justice, to catch the bad guys and save the good ones.

As soon as she found this she was screwed. Derek Morgan became her hero, her personal hero. Her noir hero, just like Frank Miller described, 'a knight in blood and caked armor, he's dirty and does his best to deny the fact that he is a hero the whole time'.

She had fallen in love in such a deep-screwed-up way that she couldn't even begin to imagine her life without him. Of course, he didn't help being such an sweet and uncontrollably flirty all the time, with his intense looks and innocent kisses and unnecessary caresses… he didn't know how much that troubled her inside and made her knees weak and her pulse race. He didn't know how much she wished that those little kisses were filled with love and passion, how much those little pet-names made her heart flutter and how much his teasing looks made her melt into a puddle on his feet.

He didn't know any of that. And he couldn't ever know any of that. She was already lucky to have him as her best friend, her partner, her protector. She couldn't fool herself thinking that more could come from that. She already had him as her best friend and that was more than fine. She was happy with that. She really was.

\\*\\*\\*\

Derek Morgan looked through the plane's window and watched the sunset. He watched the sun changing colors, going from bright yellow to light orange with light shades of pink until it was just a bright orange, almost red line on the horizon. As he closed his eyes and rested his head on the chair he smiled thinking about his baby girl. If he sniffed his jacket he would smell traces of her flowery scent because she had borrowed it the night before when they went out for drinks.

It was now almost five years since he started working on the BAU. The first two years were a rough test for him, to get used to a completely different job from what he had in Chicago. First, the nature of the job was so much more exhausting than his one as a cop, not exactly physically speaking, but emotionally. All the gruesome cases stuck in his mind every night he hit the pillow and hunted him in nightmares that left him gasping for breath, alone in his cold bed.

He started to go clubbing constantly to help him forget. He would drink some beers, find a nice honey and have some passionate-filled hours to make him forget about all the horrors he was forced to face every day. If he woke up feeling empty and lonely every morning, now that was another thing… his system worked. Alcohol plus a little loving could make his life a little less pathetic. Or at least that was what he tried to convince himself.

Then three years ago, Penelope Garcia came in determined to shock his world. And damn, if she hadn't succeeded… with her colorful clothes, her silly toys and her flirty nature she gave him something he never had assumed he needed: safety. That's right! The geek tech who didn't believe in guns and was afraid of storms and couldn't even look at a crime scene photo without turning pale was the only person, in the whole world, after his father's death that was capable of making him feel safe.

Of course, it was not like the nothing-bad-will-ever-happen-to-me safe. No, not like that. It was more like the even-if-the-storm-catch-you-the-world-it's-still-worthing-living safe. She, with her bright self and her huge heart taught him to believe that there was still good out there. She helped him to see the beauty that life offered every single day and that thought made him feel like he was doing the right thing, fighting every single day against anyone who tried to destroy that.

That weird and unique woman made him believe again.

Believe in fate.

Believe in happiness.

Believe in beauty.

And mostly… she made him believe in love…

Exactly when she sneaked her way into his heart he wasn't sure but she had made it. When he had least expected it, there she was. Planted, glued into his heart like it belonged her, like it was made for her. One little smile, one single touch of her silky hands in his skin was enough to make him tremble. He, the big bad FBI agent, stuck into a teenage-like love.

And damn, he was scared. Yep, he was pretty much terrified. He was scared because she wasn't just woman that had met and was interested in taking out for some dinner and movies and then into his bed. This woman was his baby girl, his best girl, his sweetness, his goddess, his everything. This woman was the only one that had made him start thinking about settle down, about giving his momma those grandbabies she always wanted.

So, why hadn't he done something until now? Why was he still okay with being in the sidelines? Why was he okay with being just her best friend, her hot stuff?

As the fast-your-belt signs lightened up he straightened himself into his sit and sighed, knowing the answer very well. He didn't think he was ready for that. He didn't think he was the man she deserved. Could he be that man someday? God, he hoped so. But now? Now he just… he wasn't good enough for her. He just hoped he wouldn't be too late.

\\*\\*\\*\

"We miss you here, baby…" Fran Morgan said to her son while they were sitting on her couch after eating her birthday dinner.

"I know momma…" Derek said quietly squeezing her hand. "But you know the unit I work for it's just in Quantico…"

"I know honey… but that doesn't make it better…" She said smiling quietly. "I need you to be careful… I already lost your father… I can't lose you too…"

Derek looked seriously at her and caressed her hand. "You won't". He vowed.

"Good. Because you still have to give me those grandbabies…" She said and chuckled when he dropped his head on the couch and groaned. "Seriously, baby… I think it's time for you to start looking for a nice young lady to settle down… it has to be lonely to live all over there alone, with just that dog of yours…" She argued.

"Hey, Clooney is very good company, okay?" He pointed at her. But when he closed his eyes and sighed she frowned slightly at him.

"What is it, honey?" He opened his eyes and looked at her and by his expression she could figure it out. "Ohhh… you already found someone, didn't you?" She prompted excitedly. "Who is she? Where did you meet her?"

"Mom… it's… complicated…" He started.

"How so? She's not interested?" She asked confused.

"I… I don't know… I haven't had the guts to do something yet…"

"Why? You're usually so self-confident and straight-forward…"

"Yeah, I know but… she's different… she's… I just… I can't screw up… she's just too much… she means too much…" He stammered.

Fran looked at her son curiously for a few minutes before widening her eyes. "Oh my god… my baby boy is in love…" She whispered in awe. When he just dropped his head to avoid her eyes she beamed. "You really are! Oh god, who is this woman?"

"No mom, she…" He started to shake his head but just then there was a knock on the door. "Wow, saved by the bell!"

Fran chuckled and shook her head at him. "Yeah, lucky you!"

Derek grinned at her and opened the door, without a clue about how much his life would change with that visit.

\\*\\*\\*\

"What?!" Penelope gasped shocked at her boss.

"Morgan's being held as a suspect of homicide by the Chicago PD. We're going to fly over there ASAP and I need you to start digging on this murder to see if you can find anything to help him…" He told her carefully.

"But that's just absurd! How can they possibly think that he would be capable of killing someone? It's Derek! He's an FBI agent, he's one of the good guys!" She cried in one breath, eyes watering.

"I know that, you know that, we just have to convince them of that too. I need you focused on this, Penelope. Can you do that for me? For Morgan?" He asked her knowing very well how much she was affected by the news.

She breathed heavily and nodded her head slowly. "Yes, boss-man… just, please… bring him back to me…" She pleaded him with big eyes.

Hotch smiled slightly at her and squeezed her hand. "I'll do my best".

\\*\\*\\*\

"So, it's over?" Penelope clarified.

"Yes, Garcia, it's over. We caught Buford and Morgan is being released". JJ repeated patiently at her.

"And why did he do something like that to Derek? He helped him as a kid, why do this now?" At JJ's silence she frowned. "JJ, what are you not telling me?"

"Look, Garcia… I think it's better if…"

"No, no, no. Tell me now, JJ. What happened?"

When JJ started to tell her what the team had found she felt as if the ground had been swiped from her feet and the air gone from her lungs. As the tears started to fall without her knowledge she sunk deeper in her chair and cried for her friend. For the first time in a very long time she felt hate. She felt the need of destroying someone. She felt the primary urge to making someone's life so miserable that they would rather die than keep living in the misery she had put them.

How could a grown man be capable of being so cruel with a child? A vulnerable child who had just lost his father…

She tried to imagine the little Derek Morgan, alone, scared, without anyone he could trust, trying to hold on and being there as the man of the house for his mom and his sisters and struggling to understand his father's death, all in once. She couldn't even begin to understand how hard it had been for him to see everyone idolizing the man who was repeatedly hurting him.

Now she understood why he always looked so troubled and angry with pedophilia cases. Honestly, knowing the truth now she thought he handled them so much better than she expected. And that just made her admire him even more, love him even more.

She wiped her tears on the back of her hand and looked at her computer. She considered her options for a few seconds before making up her mind. It was a risk but she had to do this. She had to go.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Morgan, do you need anything?" Hotch asked gently at his teammate. They had just finished wrapping the case with the local PD, Morgan having to give his statement about the facts. Prentiss and Reid were still at his mother's house with her and his sisters giving support.

"No man, thanks… I just… I just want to go home… I need to speak with my momma…" He said rubbing his eyes tiredly.

"I understand… look Morgan… I'm sorry we had to dig into your life like that… I swear to you if there was any other way to get you out of this we would've done it but…" Hotch explained but Morgan just waved him off.

"Don't worry, Hotch. I understand… I guess I couldn't hide it forever… I'm just glad he's out of here and no other kid will ever go through this again". He said getting up. "I'm going… I'll stay at my momma until Monday, okay?"

"Take as much as time you need". He assured him and patted his back when he passed through him. When he was out of sight he pulled his phone and dialed Emily's number.

"Hey…" She greeted him quietly.

"Hey. He just left. How are they?" He asked her.

"They're hanging in there. Feeling guilty for no noticing before, of course… but they'll be okay, I think…" She said looking at the women sitting on the couch talking to Reid. "And how are you holding up?" She asked him cautiously.

"I'm fine". He answered quietly and she sighed.

"Aaron…" She was the only one who knew how much these cases affected him. And being with someone so close, someone that meant so much to him just made everything worse.

"I'm… I'll be okay… it's hard. I know how it is to be abused by someone you should trust, someone everyone adores and…" He trailed off.

"I know Aaron… I'm sorry…" She whispered at him.

"It's okay. We'll be taking off just tomorrow at 8. We'll heading to the hotel now. See you there. Be careful…"

"Okay, bye". She said hanging up. Watching the little family at the living room she prayed that they would be able to go through this and leave the guilt on the past.

\\*\\*\\*\

Morgan opened his mother's front door with shaky hands. He really hoped that they would never find about this. He knew them too well. He knew that they would be blaming themselves, especially his mom and Sarah, for not noticing something so big happening to him. But it wasn't their fault. He had purposely blocked everything inside to not let anyone know. He had chosen to stay quiet because his family had already suffered so much and he couldn't be the cause of more trouble and sadness.

When he stepped inside the living room though, he stopped on his tracks.

"Hey my love…"The most beautiful sight greeted him with a smile on her beautiful face.

"Wh-what are you doing here?" He asked, feeling his eyes watering already.

"I… I thought… I just…" She stammered playing with the hem of her shirt. "I'm sorry, I just thought you might like… I don't know, some cuddles with your best girl?" She asked a little unsure, suddenly feeling nervous for coming without any warning.

He looked at her astonished for a few moments before closing the distance between them and taking her into his arms, lifting her off the floor and burying his face on her hair. "Baby girl…" He whispered.

"Honey, put me down… I'm too heavy…" She cried.

"Ssh… ssh, please, just let me hold you…" He quietened her and just breathed her scent and caressed her back, placing an occasional kiss on her hair. "Thank you so much…" He whispered on her ear, finally letting a few tears fall from his closed eyes.

"Anything for you, my love… anything…" She whispered back, soothing his back and head with her hands.

 **A/N: I did it! Was it good? Let me know! Next one will have Hotchniss back, okay?**


	10. Chapter 9

**A/N: I tried! I swear to God I tried but between work, a terrible flu and having to wait for my beta this was the faster I could finish this. I'm really sorry. I hope you guys like it. I'll try not to take so long for the next one.**

 **Disclaimer: I do not own CM.**

Chapter 9

"How are you feeling?" Penelope asked him later that night when they were curled up on his mother's couch. He had spent almost two hours talking to his mom while she and his sister had taken care of the dinner and gotten to know each other. It was strange for her to be there since she had never met his family before that and meeting them in these circumstances wasn't what she wanted.

The team had gone back to the hotel and they would be going back to Quantico in the morning but Hotch had said she could stay with Morgan until he returned on Monday. So, now she was installed in his bedroom while he took the couch, after some serious argument, when she said she should better go stay in the hotel where the team was to not bother anyone. They had had dinner together and his mother and sisters were already upstairs in their respective rooms.

He stayed quiet for a while before sighing heavily and looking up to her. "Honestly? I feel… relieved. Free. I don't know, I think the weight of hiding this during all these years is finally gone and I feel good about it". He confessed her. "I feel bad for my mom because I know she's feeling guilty for not noticing anything but I hope I've eased her mind a little with our talk. It's not her fault. She had too much going on, having to work hard to raise three children in Chicago and I wouldn't let her see what I was going through. I blocked everything so no one would ever find out…"

Penelope caressed his head that was resting on her chest, soothing him quietly while they lay on the couch. "I still can't believe it…" She whispered.

He looked up to her again and brushed his fingertips on her cheek. "Hey, sweetness. Don't let this eat you… it's over, he's where he belongs and he won't hurt anyone else ever again and that's what's important".

She chuckled humorlessly and shook her head. "I came all over here to comfort you and you're the one comforting me…"

He smiled slight at her and leaned his forehead on hers. "You being here is already all the comfort I need, baby girl… I still can't believe you're actually here…"

"Of course I am, honey… do you think I could stay at home knowing what happened and knowing how you'd be feeling?" She said smiling at him, leaning her head on his touch.

He just looked at her for a few seconds before leaning in and giving a light kiss on the corner of her mouth. "I'm the luckiest bastard in this world…" He sighed against her cheek before burying his head on the crock of her neck.

She fought against the butterflies in her tummy from the kiss and just enjoyed his closeness. It wasn't the first time they slept cuddling like this. Usually, when they had their movie nights or when they went out for drinks they ended up on his or her apartment and would sleep together like it was the most natural thing in the world. Those were the best nights for her. And in the morning, waking up to his handsome face just made everything better.

They stayed in this position for a few moments, just relishing each other's company in silence. "I think we should get some sleep…" She whispered after some time. "You have to show me Chicago tomorrow…"

He hummed against her skin and snuggled closer. "It will be my pleasure, sweetheart…" He answered but made no mention to move from her arms.

"This couch is pretty comfy…" She commented quietly.

"Yes, it is…"

More silence for a few moments until she spoke. "We don't have to move from here, do we?" She asked whispering. It was his mother's home after all.

He just kissed her collarbone and shook his head, tightening his arms on her waist and nuzzling her neck. "Nope. We're pretty good right here…"

Smiling, she closed her eyes and sighed happily. "Good. Very good".

\\*\\*\\*\

"I never thought I would see Derek so cozy…" Desiree whispered to her sister.

They came downstairs to start breakfast and found their brother sleeping on the couch with his friend, his arms hugging her by the waist and their legs intertwined, his head buried on her hair and hers on his neck. Her hand was sneaked inside the hem of his shirt, resting on the small of his back while his was on her hip.

"I really doubt this is the first time they slept like this… they're too… comfortable…" Sarah said and Desi nodded.

"Leave your brother alone, you two". Fran chastised her daughters going to the kitchen.

They followed her quietly to not disturb them. "But it's true! They're too cozy! If I didn't know better I would say they're together…" Sarah said.

Fran smiled looking to the living room as his son stirred and snuggled unconsciously closer to Penelope. "Well… if you ignore the technicalities you could say so… she's his comfort. He's her support. They're just not…"

"Having sex?" Desi completed.

"Yeah. And honestly? That's even better… a relationship shouldn't be measured but the amount of time you pass in bed. It should be about these little things… like coming here just to see how he was without even thinking about it…" Fran said quietly.

"That's true. Did you see her face when she got here? She looked like a scared kitten". Sarah laughed.

"I'm glad he took it okay. I was afraid he would be mad for her coming without warning…" Desi commented.

Just then there was some movement from the living room so they focused on the breakfast. "Morning…" Morgan's husky voice greeted them while he was rubbing his sleepy eyes.

"Morning baby…" Fran smiled at him. "Where is Penelope?"

"She went to the bathroom. Something about not wanting you guys to see her morning face…" He shrugged.

"Oh, that's nonsense! She's beautiful!" Fran shook her head smiling.

"I know that, she's the one who's blind to not see how gorgeous she is all natural…" Morgan said grabbing some coffee from the pot for them.

"That's very sweet, hot-stuff, but there's no such thing like no need for make-up". Penelope said coming into the kitchen. "Hmm… I smell good coffee and hot chocolate…" She sniffed stepping closer to him.

"Well, the coffee is here for you, my Queen, but the chocolate you're just imagining…" He said handing her a mug.

"Of course not, baby! I'm just looking at my favorite brand of chocolate and let me tell you honey, is really hot!" She batted her eyelashes to him and smirked when he laughed.

"Oh, it's all for you, darling… do you want some?" He waggled his eyebrows suggestively.

"Always, my chocolate thunder". She said and they both grinned at each other.

"Oh my god, are you two always like this?" Desi asked laughing.

"No…" Penelope shook her head.

"We're worse!" Morgan completed and they laughed.

"Thank God Hotch loves us or we'd be in a sexual harassment seminar every week!" She chuckled.

"Loves _us_? Oh please, it's all you, sweetheart. You and that big beautiful heart of yours melted the ice-man. I think if you asked him for a unicorn he would get one for you…" He said shaking his head with a chuckle.

"Oh, don't mock my captain! He's the best…" She poked him.

"So, let's say, if you two got together you'd have to hide from work?" Sarah asked.

Penelope flushed slightly and looked down but Morgan just shook his head. "No… Penelope is not an agent, she's the analyst. She works for different teams and even though Hotch does her evaluations she's not exactly an active member of the team. So we wouldn't be breaking the rules because we don't work directly and exclusive together…" He answered promptly.

"You seem to have thought a lot about this, bro…" Sarah said smiling at his blush.

"It's just the true, Sarah". He waved her off. "Let's eat, mama. We have a city to visit…" He said gesturing a chair to Penelope.

\\*\\*\\*\

Haley entered the small Cafe that morning and searched for her friend. Aaron had called saying that everything had ended okay and the team was on their way home but he would run by the BAU to sort some of his paperwork before going home for lunch. Her friend Sally had called asking her for brunch to share some news. She spotted her at the corner of the place, talking with a blonde man she didn't recognized.

"Hey Sally…" She greeted her smiling.

"Haley! I'm so glad you could come…" Sally said smiling, rising up to hug her. "I wanted to call you last night for dinner but I remembered that you said Aaron was taking a couple of days off so I didn't want to disturb you two".

"You should have called. I was alone at home with Jack. Aaron had emergency and had to fly to Chicago. He's coming back right now but will go to the office until noon". She explained.

"God, I really don't understand this job… and even more how you manage to put up with that…" Sally said shaking her head while the waitress arrived.

"It happens. And this time it was really an emergency, involving one of his agents". She said after she ordered. "And I'm used to it… it's not easy, of course, it's lonely as hell but… I'm used to it…" She shrugged.

"Well, you shouldn't. Especially when you don't even love the man". Sally said.

"I do love him". Haley protested. "Desperately in love? No. But I love him. He's my partner, the father of my son…"

"Well, you should be desperately in love with your husband, okay…" Sally said. The man who was quiet awkwardly on the table just listening to their talk cleared his throat uncomfortably to remind of his presence there. "Oh God, I'm so sorry! Haley this is my brother-in-law, James. He just moved here and I promised to take him to buy some stuff for his apartment but he'd have to come for brunch first". She explained. "James, like I told you before, this is Haley, my best friend".

"Nice to meet you, James". Haley smiled at him shaking his hand.

"Likewise, Haley". He smiled back. He had a slight south-accent that made his voice huskier and she found herself liking it very much. His eyes had a light shade of green and his hair was neat with a little messy-touch. His smile was very bright a large and his dimples just made him even more handsome.

They made some small talk for a while until the waitress came back with her order. After she left Haley turned back to her friend. "So, what was that you wanted to tell me?"

Sally beamed at her brightly and clasped her hands. "I'm pregnant!" She announced happily.

"Oh my God, really? Congratulations!" Haley exclaimed leaning to give her friend a one-armed hug. She had seen how much she had tried to get pregnant all the seven years she was married with her husband but they never made it. "I'm so happy for you guys! How excited is Pete?" She asked smiling.

"Oh, he's floating!" She chuckled. "He was already saying how much work he and James will have making the crib and all the other stuff for the nursery…"

They talked more about the baby plans and the woman exchanged some thoughts and before they knew it was almost eleven. "I have to go…" Haley said looking at her watch.

"Really? You could come with us to shopping. We could use another decorator to make that crappy apartment of his more livable…"

"Hey!" James protested and the women laughed.

" _And_ you could help me to find some things for your godson or goddaughter?" Sally batted her eyelashes.

"I can't… Aaron is coming for lunch and I have to…" She started to explain but was cut-off by her cellphone. "Just a sec". She looked at the ID and saw Aaron's name. "Hey…"

 _"_ _Hi sweetheart…"_ His voice sounded apologetically and she already knew what he was going to say.

"Let me guess… you won't make it for lunch". She said sighing.

 _"_ _I'm so sorry, honey. Strauss came down here ballistic about some reports of our last case and I have to take care of it…"_ He explained.

"It's okay…" She said.

 _"_ _I'm really sorry honey. I know that with Jack out to his camp we would have the house to ourselves and I was really looking forward for it…"_

"It's okay Aaron… I'm actually at brunch with Sally and she just asked me to do some shopping so I won't be alone at home…" She said looking at her friend.

 _"_ _That's good, babe. So, you go with her and buy something new and pretty to wear tonight because I'm taking you out for dinner and some dancing…"_ He said to her and she smiled a bit.

"Okay honey. See you at night…"

 _"_ _I'll try to get out of here by four, tops. I'll make the reservations for seven, okay?"_

"Okay. Love you…"

"I love you too, sweetheart". He said hanging up.

Haley put the phone back on her purse and looked up to her friend. "Well, I guess I'm free… IKEA?" She suggested.

"Awesome, let's go!" Sally grinned and James smiled at her with a nod.

 **A/N: Like I said, I'll try to post the next one this weekend. I'd love some reviews :)**


	11. Chapter 10

**A/N: I'm reposting this with just a few adjustments.**

 **So, this chapter is kind of sad :( like, really. There's a surprise (not a good one), and our sweet Hotch will suffer too much. But it's necessary.**

 **Oh, I also have the next two chapters ready so I'll post it again tomorrow. YAY! And I have the sketch ready until the chapter nineteen, so... I'll post more regularly from now on because I'm on vacation until August! YAY again!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 10

South Virginia, Late September, 1991.

"What are you saying?" Emily looked at her fiancé with incredulous eyes.

"Haley is pregnant". Aaron repeated; his voice more firm but his eyes still down, unable to look into her eyes and see the disappointment he knew it would be there. Emily opened her mouth to say something but the words just didn't come out. They were starting to move on after his betrayal and now everything would change again, this time forever. "Can you please say something?" He pleaded.

Her eyes snapped to his and he flinched. "What do you want me to say, Aaron? What can I say?"

"I don't know…" He whispered. "She said she doesn't expect anything from me but I can't. You know me, Emily… I can't ignore my own child". He explained.

"Do I? Do I really know you, Aaron?" She asked sharply. "The Aaron Hotchner I know wouldn't be in this situation in the first place!"

"I'm not perfect, Emily…" He tried to argue but she cut him.

"I know you're not! You're stubborn and chauvinist and you're incapable of hanging your damp towel after the shower… you don't know how to make my coffee and you just can't sleep in in a weekend... but if there's one thing the man I met two years ago and love with all my heart isn't is a cheater!" She said. "But look at us… not only you did cheat on me with your ex-girlfriend but you got her pregnant too! What do you want me to say, Aaron? Congratulations?"

"I'm sorry Emily, I really am…"

"I know you are, Aaron… you keep repeating the same thing for six weeks now. But let me tell you, something… sorry doesn't change things!"

"I know it doesn't, but I can't do anything right now. I won't ask for her to get rid of the baby and won't turn my back to her either…" He said and saw the fire in her eyes intensify.

"Don't you dare to make it look like I'm insinuating that she should get rid of this child, Aaron. You, better than anyone, know how I feel about abortion after what happened in Rome…" She hissed.

"I know, Emily, I'm not saying that. I'm just stating a fact…" He explained.

"What do you want from me, Aaron?" She exhaled tiredly after a few seconds.

"I want to know if you think you can deal with this… I know it's too much, I know I have no right to ask this from you but… I love you so much, Emily. The thought of not being with you hurts, it tears me apart. But I can't… I can't because I know I won't forgive myself if I don't do the right thing and support Haley. She's scared and I need to be there because it's my responsibility too". He said looking at her.

Emily sat on the couch and buried her face in her hands, feeling her eyes watering. Aaron respected her space and just sat by her side, waiting for what she would say. He knew he was asking too much of her. He was immensely grateful that she had forgiven him after he slept with Haley and he wanted nothing more than let everything behind them and move forward, to build their life together, like they had planned in Yale, start their family together, like it was supposed to be.

But he couldn't. He couldn't ignore that he had a child on the way. He couldn't leave Haley alone to deal with this. He had to stood by her side and be responsible. Even if it broke that best thing in his life.

"I love you so much…" He heard Emily whisper and held his breath. "I never thought you would be the person who would cause me so much pain… I always thought that you would protect me from the bad things and be the reason I should smile every day…" She whispered brokenly and he felt the tears of shame slipping from his eyes. "I can't promise you I won't say anything about this… I can't promise you that I will trust in you again easily, the way I used to. I can't promise you we won't fight about this and I can't promise you I won't accuse you or throw it on your face when things get too much. You have to understand that this isn't easy, Aaron… it's a crack on our foundation and I don't know if we can fix it definitely. But… the thought of being without you hurts me too. It breaks me into little pieces… I love you too much to let you go…"

"Emily…" Aaron sighed relieved and take her hands in his and brought them to his lips. "Thank you so much and I'm so sorry, sweetheart… I'm so, so, so sorry…" He whispered kissing her knuckles.

"Don't hurt me again, Aaron… I don't know if I can take it…" She whispered looking at him with her eyes red with tears.

"I won't, Emily. I promise you, I won't…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Quantico, Virginia. BAU Conference Room, October, 2006.

"In the past three weeks two babies were abducted from their homes in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. The babies were taken in the middle of the night and stayed missing for three days before being dumped in baskets in front of two different churches. The cause of death was a single injection of an unknown substance that caused a heart attack. The babies were fed and hydrated and there weren't any injuries in the bodies". JJ explained the case at the team.

"Both babies were boys and had just made fifteen weeks…" Morgan pointed.

"The local PD made an announcement after the second abduction to inform the parents of babies who fit the victimology, suggesting that they not let them sleep alone at night and pay attention at anything suspicious but another baby was taken last night. Jacob Philips, seven-weeks-old, was taken between eleven pm and two in the morning when his mother came to check on him and saw the crib empty". JJ said showing a picture of the baby on the screen.

"Usually child abduction, especially bellow two years-old, are committed by women. Probably someone who always wanted a child and but wasn't able to conceive or someone who had one but lost it". Reid said.

"We have three days before the body show up in a basket. Wheels up in thirty". Hotch said and they all took their files and left to get ready to leave.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Go ahead Garcia". Hotch said answering the phone.

"Sir, I found something! I did what you asked and looked to see if the families had gone to the same places days before the abduction and all of them had at least one meal at the June's Café. The second family didn't use a credit card but when I hacked into the surveillance cameras in front of it I saw them going for lunch two days before the abduction. They must have paid in cash". She said.

"Did you check the employees to see if someone fits the profile?" Hotch checked.

"Of course, sir. All of them clear. No red flags". She said.

"Okay. But it could be a regular customer. Send the address and I'll send Morgan and Emily to go check". Hotch said.

"Already sent it, sir. Garcia out!" She said and hung up.

"You two, go there and talk with the waiters. They're the ones in direct contact with the customers and this woman has to have been noticed". He directed and the profilers nodded.

Twenty minutes later, both agents were entering the small Café, going towards the counter. "Excuse me? I'm SSA Emily Prentiss, this is SSA Derek Morgan, and we're with the FBI. Do you mind if we ask you some questions?" Emily asked, showing her badge to a young waitress whose name tag said Jenny.

"FBI? Wow… err, no, go ahead…" She said wiping her hand in a small towel.

"Jenny, right?" Morgan asked. At her nod he continued. "We're investigating some child abductions in the neighborhood and we found out the all the families had meals here in the week before the abductions". When the young lady widened her eyes he quickly added. "We already eliminated all employees from our list of suspects but maybe the unsub, the suspect, maybe he or she is a customer here and we'd like to see if maybe you haven't seen them here lately…" He explained.

"Okay…" Jenny nodded slowly.

"Right, Jenny. This person, probably a woman, it's someone who is really shy. She doesn't do well with strangers, especially adults, but the kids seem to go to her easily. She's mostly, if not always, alone and she keeps watching the other families with longing, maybe jealousy…" Emily described.

"It's possible that she had suffered a loss in the last few months. Maybe a divorce, maybe a death in the family, a child maybe…" Morgan added.

The young lady seemed to think for a while until another voice spoke from behind them. "It could be Mrs. Adams…" They turned around and saw an elder waitress.

"I'm sorry, you are?" Emily asked.

"I'm Kathy. I work here for almost a year… There's this lady… Mrs. Adams. She used to come here every Thursday for breakfast with her husband until a couple of months ago. She was really talkative and she always said that she wanted to be a mom… suddenly they stopped coming here… I heard that Mr. Adams left with another woman, fifteen years younger than her. I heard that she was pregnant… the mistress. Mrs. Adams changed. She started to drink. I always saw her at night in a bar on my way home… then it seems like she was hospitalized, four weeks ago, I think. I don't know what happened… and then she came back here, every other day for breakfast…" The woman related.

"Did she come back here three weeks ago?" Emily asked.

"Yeah, I think so…" She nodded.

"Thank you so much, Kathy… Do you know Mrs. Adams first name?" Morgan asked.

"Uh… Judith, I think. Yeah, Judith…" The woman nodded and the agents left after thanking both waitresses.

"Aaron? We have a name…" Emily said through the phone as they got into the SUV again.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Mrs. Adams, tell us where Jacob is… we have evidence that connect you to the two other murders. If you cooperate we can tell the prosecutor…" Emily resonated with the woman.

"You don't understand… you don't understand…" Judith repeated.

"Then explain to me, Mrs. Adams. I'm trying to understand and help you but I need you to cooperate with me…" Emily said.

"Do you think she'll break?" Morgan asked. He, Hotch and JJ were watching the interrogatory from the other room while Gideon and Reid were with a few officers looking at her home to see if they found any leads to the baby's location.

"Let's hope so…" Hotch mumbled.

"Do you know how hard it was to see the love of my life going away with another woman to live all the dreams _we_ build together? He left me! He didn't look back, not even once! He just left to live his happily ever after with that slut and I had to pick up the pieces..." The woman cried.

Emily looked at the broken woman with compassion. It would never justify why she killed those babies but she could see herself in her suffering. "Judith, I understand but…"

"No, you don't!" The woman shouted. "You have no idea how it is to see all your dreams shattered and the only person you trusted and loved without regards turning his back to you and walking away!" She cried.

"Judith…"

"The only way I managed to get through the day was drinking and drinking and drinking and when I woke up that night and the pain…" She sobbed. "I had to hear those doctors saying that I had killed my baby because of my drinking…" She cried harder. "Do you have any idea how hard it was? I killed my baby! My own baby… the only good thing I would have left from John and it was gone… what would you have done, Agent Prentiss? Tell me… what would you have done if you were in my place?" The woman asked.

Emily felt her heart broke even more for the woman. She saw her reflection in front of her and the tears started to form in her eyes. "I suffered…" She started with a deep breath. "I cried, I blamed myself, I hated myself… I thought about dying… I saw the last good thing I would have from the love of my life slipping from my through because of my mistakes and I didn't want to go on… but with time I learned to forgive myself. I learned that my baby, my little and innocent baby wouldn't want his mother suffering like that… I didn't have anyone… I was all alone in a whole different country but I got up. And I moved on… I blame myself every single day, until nowadays. But I know that my baby is looking for me up there…" She said to the astounded woman, the tears finding their way down her cheeks. "But nothing, _nothing_ Judith, justifies taking another mother's son. No one in this world deserves to go through what we've gone through. Especially an innocent mother". She said fiercely. "Now tell me, where is Jacob?"

Judith looked at her for a few seconds in silence before saying the address. Just as Emily was getting up to leave she called for her. "Agent?"

"Yes?" Emily turned around to look at her.

"I'm sorry…" She said quietly.

Emily nodded at her once. "I'm sorry too…" She whispered and left the room.

When she got into the room with the other agents and saw Aaron's face she sighed. "Emily…?" He asked quietly.

"Did someone call Gideon?" She asked ignoring him.

"Yeah, they're on their way to the address…" JJ said.

"Emily…" Aaron said once more and she sighed, sitting on a chair.

"After you…" She started with a shaky breath. "After you broke the engagement I decided to go away… I couldn't stay here, close to you… I went to France…" She spoke quietly. "I… I was in a really bad place. I couldn't sleep or eat… I decided to go see a doctor… he gave me some really strong pills… antidepressants… it helped… I managed to sleep a little…" She explained; her breathing a little more elaborated. "There was this night I just couldn't sleep, I couldn't stop thinking, crying… I took two pills. When I woke up, fifteen hours later, I think, I was feeling some really bad cramps. When I got up to go to the bathroom I saw blood on my sheets…" She said, the tears already falling.

"Oh God…" Aaron whispered sitting on another chair, his legs too shaken.

"When I got into the ER they did some scans and…" She let out a broken sob. "I had a miscarriage. They said the pills were too strong and caused damage…" She whispered brokenly. "They couldn't do anything… I had to stay three days hospitalized to do the curettage and get hydrated…"

The room fell in silence, the only sounds coming from Emily's heavy breathing. "Why didn't you call me?" Aaron asked quietly. His cheeks were damp, his eyes holding a guilty and broken look.

"And what good would it do, Aaron?" Emily asked. "What could you do? It wouldn't bring my baby back, it wouldn't bring you back…" She said crying. "It would just remind me of what I had and lost it and then you'd be gone again and I'd be all alone once more… what good could have possible done if I had called you?" She asked looking at him for the first time.

"I am so sorry…" He whispered brokenly.

"I know…" She nodded, wiping a few tears.

The ring of Morgan's phone remembered the presence of the other agents in the room. "Yeah? Good. Bye". Morgan said. "It was Reid. They found the baby. He's going to be fine…"

"Good. Let's wrap this up. I just want to go home…" Emily said getting up and leaving the room, leaving Aaron looking at her with hunted eyes.

 **A/N: I seriously cried writing this... Please, I'd really like to know what you think. Reviews make me happy and when I'm happy I write faster... :)**


	12. Chapter 11

**A/N: Hi! Like I promised, here I am with a new update! This is already beta'd and I also reposted the last chapter with a few changes... So, this takes place right after the end of the last one. We'll have Anna and Emily's talk and another flashback (a happy one).**

 **I just wanted to say, I absolutely love writing proposals... and I particularly loved writing this one :) Hope you guys like it!**

 **And another thing. Thank you so so so so freaking much! I can't believe we've reached one-hundred reviews. When I started writing this fic I'd never expect such good answer from you guys. Thank you, really. This keeps me motivated and it's everything... Thank you!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 11

"Mom?" Emily whispered quietly through the phone. The team was on the jet going back home after finishing the case. She had avoided Aaron at all costs but she had seen grief in his eyes and the anguish in his posture the rest of the day. She could also see the pity on her teammates' faces and regretted having said anything in front of them. She had never told anyone what had happened in France, not even her father. It was something that she had buried inside and ignored fiercely and now that it was out again she could feel it crushing her chest.

"Emily? What's wrong, darling?" Anna's voice was worried on the line.

"Are you busy tonight? Can we meet for dinner?" She asked hesitantly.

"Of course we can, baby. Do you want to come over? I was already putting some chicken out of the fridge…" She asked.

"Okay, mom. I'll be there by seven…"

"That's fine, sweetheart. Are you okay, Emily?" Anna asked once more.

Emily hesitated for a second before sighing, a few tears falling from her eyes. "No mom, I'm not…" She whispered quietly.

Anna sighed. "Okay honey, I'll wait for you…"

"Bye mom…" Emily said before hanging up. She put her phone beside her again and leaned her head back on her seat. She looked across the plane at where Aaron was sat and sighed. His eyes were closed and his head was resting on the window. Usually he would be writing his reports or working on the next case already but tonight his posture was completely different. Even three sits away she could see the tears falling from his eyes and the way his shoulders were sagged, defeated.

She knew he was suffering, both for their lost and for the guilt he was feeling for not being with her, supporting her through everything. Actually, it was guilt for being part of the reason for what happened. If he hadn't cheated on her, Haley wouldn't have gotten pregnant with his baby and he wouldn't have broken the engagement. That maybe when they found out about the pregnancy, in a more natural way, everything would have gone right and they would be together with their child right now.

She sighed again and got up, ignoring the looks of the team who was trying to pretend they were sleeping, and made her way to him. She sat at the chair in front of him and leaned in her elbows on the table. "Aaron?" She called quietly. He opened his eyes and the sadness present there made her heart ache. She hesitantly caught his hands on hers and held his stare. "Look…"

"Emily, don't, please…" He whispered painfully.

"Aaron…" She tried again but he shook his head.

"I know what you're going to say… I know… but don't, please. I don't deserve it… I know it's all my fault. I killed our baby…" He said with a broken sob. "I killed it, the moment I had that first sip of that beer with Haley's brother… I killed our relationship, our love… I killed our baby… a baby we wanted so much…" He said through his tears. That moment he let all his strong façade crumble down, the pain too much for him to keep inside. "I am so sorry… for everything I made you suffer through, for all the pain you felt alone in France and during all this years… I will regret this till the day I die. I'm sorry…" He said getting up going to the plane's bathroom.

Emily waited for him but he stayed there until the plane landed and when he came back he was already in unit chief mode and ignored all her attempts of making eye contact. The team split into the SUVs and headed back to the BAU, Hotch, Gideon and JJ in one and Morgan, Reid and Emily on the other. As soon as they parked Hotch turned to them and told them they should go home and leave the paperwork for Monday, that he had a meeting with Strauss and would ask her to give a week off-rotation for them. He turned around and went to the elevators after a quick goodbye and the team stayed looking at him.

Slowly everyone started to disperse and leave; JJ and Reid going to their respective homes and Morgan going to Garcia's office, leaving just Gideon and Emily at the parking garage. "I heard about the thing during the interrogation…" Gideon started quietly. "Are you okay?" She gave him a look and he quickly raised his hand. "Right, dumb question… did you two talk?" He asked instead.

"A little, on the plane…" Emily answered quietly. "I didn't want him to feel guilty. I forgave him a very long time ago… I have my regards towards him but… I don't hate him… I could never hate him…" She said. They stayed in silence for a few moments before she caught her purse to leave. "I'm going. I have dinner plans… see you at Monday…" She waved at him and walked to her car.

Aaron sat at his office looking at the small diamond ring he kept hidden in his office's safe box. He remembered the day he gave it to Emily and how he had promised her he would never hurt her and how he would love her for the rest of his life. That much he knew it was true. He would love that woman for the rest of his days. He closed his eyes thinking about everything she had gone through because of him, how their little baby was lost because of his mistakes, because of his weakness. He let the tears fall from his eyes, wondering if he would ever forgive himself from the guilt and shame he was feeling for what he had done. And most important he wondered if Emily would ever forgive him completely for all the hurt he had caused.

\\*\\*\\*\

Yale University – New Haven, Connecticut. Early March, 1991.

Emily entered their apartment late that evening. She had stayed after her class in the university to speak with a teacher about a work she had to finish for later that week. She had called Aaron to say she would be home late and he didn't have to wait her up but she could smell food from the kitchen and there was soft music playing on the stereo. "Honey?" She called but didn't receive an answer.

She went to the kitchen and gasped at the sight in front of her. The dinner table was set with candles and a beautiful arrange of red roses and her gorgeous boyfriend was dressed in her favorite dress shirt and black slacks, wearing the most handsome full-dimpled smile, holding one single red rose. "Welcome home, sweetheart".

"Wh-what? Did I miss something? Our anniversary was two weeks ago and our birthdays are only in October…" She said confused.

"And I can't make a surprise for you without a reason?" He asked.

"Well, that's definitely a surprise…" She said smiling. He walked towards her and cupped her cheek with one hand, leaning down to kiss her. She hummed into their kiss and linked her arms around his neck, arching towards him. They kissed thoroughly for minutes before pulling apart, breathlessly. "Hi". She whispered smiling.

"Hi beautiful…" He smiled back, caressing her cheek.

"You look very handsome…" She said running her hands through his chest.

"Hmm, all for you, my love…" He said smiling and took her hands to lead her to the table. "Now, sit and relax while I'll bring the dinner…" He said going to the stove.

"It smells so good…" She said sniffing.

"It's your favorite dish…" He said putting the tray on the table. "Dramatic pause…" He said and stopped for a few seconds before taking the pot lid, making her laugh. "Lasagna!" He announced and she laughed harder. "If you were a normal lady I would have made some fancy chicken with a weird name but for you, my beautiful love, I know that one big and cheesy lasagna does the work…"

"You know me so well…" She batted her eyelashes for him and he grinned.

They ate the lasagna and drank some red wine, talking about their days and making plans for their weekend off in the next month, deciding they would go the Virginia spend the Mother's Day with Anna. They laughed and joked about silly things, sneaking looks and stealing kisses and touches all the time. After they finished and put the dishes on the sink, Emily turned to him.

"Okay, now that we're fed and full, can you tell me the reason for this special night?" She asked him as they went to the couch.

She saw his demeanor change and he was suddenly nervous. He took her hand and looked at her with apprehensive eyes. "I thought a lot about how I should do this…" He started with a shaky breath. "I thought about taking you to dinner in a good restaurant or maybe taking you out for a trip where it would be just the two of us but the more I thought about it more I could see that these kind of things it's not what we like… here is our home, our first great commitment together and where we started to make more concrete plans… so I wondered, why go somewhere else when we have the perfect place, here. The place that means so much for us…" He said and then he got up from the couch and knelt down in front of her.

"Aaron…" Emily whispered.

"Emily, the moment I saw you, in that crowded café I know you were different from anyone I had ever met in my life. You were so pretty and smart and the more I talked to you more you fascinated me and when I caught myself I was infatuated. You are the most beautiful, smart, funny, loyal and honorable woman I've ever met and you have no idea how much I'm proud of having you in my life. I want it all with you. I want to build my life with you. I want us to go back home and buy our dream house, with everything we've ever wished, and I want us to start our family together. I want to cry while you're walking down the aisle towards me simply because I can't believe you really chose me to share your life with. I want to celebrate with you when we see the two little blue lines in that stick. I want to hold our baby and see your eyes in him or her and I want to see your beautiful face when you're all sticky and tired after giving him birth. I want to hold your hand when we see our child going to the school for the first time… I want so much, sweetheart. I want to give you my life, my time, my dedication and my everything, every single day for the rest of my life. I want you to have my name. I want to introduce you as my wife, my partner, my woman. I promise you I'll spend every day trying to make you happy and I promise you that I'll never do anything to deliberately hurt you". He said with a thick voice, husky with emotion, while tears fell from both their eyes. He pulled a little black velvet box from his pocket and opened to reveal a beautiful ring. "Emily Ann Prentiss, I know I will love you until the day I die. _Please,_ give me the honor of calling you mine… will you marry me?"

Emily grinned at him and chocked a yes with a sob, nodding her head vigorously and he placed the ring on her finger. "Yes, yes, yes, yes, of course, yes!" She said tackling him to the living room floor, covering his head with kisses, whispering yes over and over again. "I love you so much…" She whispered kissing him.

"I love you more. So much more…" He whispered back cupping her head and flipping them over to kiss her hungrily.

\\*\\*\\*\

Anna listened at everything Emily was saying and couldn't believe in her ears. "Oh honey… you could've called me… I would have come to you, babe…" She said, her voice thick with emotion. She could have had another grandbaby. A grandbaby from her daughter, something she had always wanted, even after everything that had happened.

"I know, mom, but… I didn't want anything that reminded me of what I had lost… I didn't want anything that would make me think about him, about what he was doing, getting married, having a baby, all of the things we planned together… I couldn't, mom… it was too much…" Emily said through her tears.

"Oh baby… you were all alone over there… I can't even imagine…" She said as the first tears finally found their way down her cheeks. "My grandbaby… I can't believe it…"

"I'm sorry…" Emily whispered looking down.

"Sorry? Honey, you have nothing to be sorry about…" Anna said tilting her head up to meet her eyes.

"But I should've known… I shouldn't have taken those pills… I should've been stronger, I should've protected my baby…" She said crying.

"Emily, you can't blame yourself for that! You had just gone through hell, you were alone, you can't blame yourself for wanting something to ease your pain… you couldn't know that you were…" She said shaking her head and taking her in her arms. "Don't do this to yourself, honey…"

"I wanted it so much…" She sobbed on Anna's shoulder.

"I know, honey, I know…" Anna said soothing her. "How did Aaron take it?" She asked after a few moments.

"He's… he's not good, mom…" Emily said with sad eyes. "I tried to talk with him but he wouldn't listen… he's feeling so guilty…" She said. "I wasn't trying to blame him, I swear, mom…" She said shaking her head. "But you know him… he's blaming himself for everything".

"I can imagine…" Anna said with sad eyes. She knew her son better than anyone and if he already carried the guilt for breaking Emily's heart she could only imagine how the news of his lost baby had done to him. "I hope he can forgive himself someday…"

"Me too, mom. Me too…" Emily whispered.

Anna looked at her for a moment before taking her hands with hers and squeezing. "Honey, can I ask you something?" She asked and Emily nodded. "Do you still love my son?" She asked.

Emily looked down for a second before taking a deep breath. She couldn't lie to her. "More than anything in this world, mom…" She confessed with a whisper.

"Oh baby…"

"I tried to forget him. I tried to hate him but I couldn't… I never could. What I feel for him is too much… too strong. He is the truly love of my life…" She said quietly.

She rested her head on Anna's shoulder again and closed her eyes while the older woman caressed her hair. She could feel the weight of everything coming down and the tiredness made her start to drift off. Right before she fell asleep, though she heard Anna's murmur in her ear. "Everything's going to be fine, honey…" She surely hoped she was right.

 **A/N: So? Did you guys like it? The next one will be up tomorrow. Reviews are appreciated. XO.**


	13. Chapter 12

**A/N: I am not crying. I'm really not. There's no reason to cry just because I have the most amazing readers and their reviews are incredibly sweet and make me deeply proud of this work. There's just no reason... Guys, seriously, thank you so much for your feedback in this fic. I know I already said that but I honestly didn't expected all this. You guys are the best.**

 **Here's the next chapter and it doesn't have Hotchniss because I have to get rid of Gideon. So, I'll take care of this here and we'll have Rossi coming in soon. Oh and the end of this chapter shows the start of the end of Hotch's marriage. We're reaching the middle of this work and we'll be moving towards our favorite couple's happy ending faster.**

 **I'll probably be out of town this weekend so I won't have access to internet to post here. But I sent the next chapter to my beta yesterday and if she answers me until tomorrow morning maybe I'll post it be before leaving. Happy Friday to all of you.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 12

"Gideon, I still think we're looking at this wrongly…" Morgan said for the fourth time. Three weeks had passed since the case in Milwaukee and the team was now working on a case in Davenport, Iowa. Three families had been brutally murdered, the parents stabbed to death while the kids were tied up in chairs to watch the whole scene and then their throats were slashed and they bleed to death. The preliminary profile pointed towards one unsub, who overpowered the father first and threatened the kids to make the parents cooperate. There was just one fingerprint on the scene and one footprint marked with blood on the floor.

After the fourth attack, the same night the team arrived in the city, Gideon had decided that they were looking for a team, probably two brothers, who shared the same psychopath tendency. Morgan had disagreed since the beginning along with Emily but the older profile wouldn't listen. "We have to call Garcia again and ask her to check the connections between the families…" Gideon said without taking his eyes from the board, completely ignoring Morgan.

"Man, there's absolutely nothing pointing to two unsubs! There's only one fingerprint and one footprint and all the victims were killed with the same weapon. There's no different MO's and there's no different messages. The parents were all stabbed in the chest and stomach and the kids were and slashed the same way. Where do you see two suspects here?" Morgan asked incredulously.

"Gideon, I think we should go back to the original profile and…" Hotch started but Gideon cut him.

"No, Hotch. I know it's two unsubs. There's a difference between the stabs in the children and the stabs in the parents. There's a hesitation. The kids were slashed but the cuts are inconsistent, especially in the first and second case, and it shows that the unsub who did that didn't have the strength or technique to do that. The parent's murders on the other hand are efficient in every case, since the beginning. The knife goes through the sternum and it takes a lot of strength to do that…" He explained.

"The guy could be uncertain about killing the kids at first, Gideon…" Emily reasoned. "He could be improving his MO. The rage is towards the parents but the kids are caught in the way and now he has to destroy the whole family…"

"It's clearly two unsubs!" Gideon said forcefully. "One of them is teaching the other, that's why there's the hesitation!"

"Enough!" Hotch cut in the discussion. "We are going back to the original profile…" He said and when Gideon opened his mouth to argue he continued quickly. "I'm the leader here, Jason, I'm saying we're going back to one unsub. There's nothing that indicates two of them. You can keep working on your theory for now but if you don't find anything concrete to prove it in the next twelve hours, that's it. We only have twenty four hours until the next attack and we can't afford to waste it…" He said firmly and Gideon gathered his files and left the room.

"What the hell is wrong with him, man?" Morgan asked. "He's been completely out of it these last few cases… what happened in Colorado and now this? He's losing it…" The team had worked on a hostage situation in Colorado two weeks before. One man was threatening five children and a teacher in a public school. He had killed the guard and a janitor before breaking into the classroom and holding the victims. Gideon had assumed the head of the negotiation and since the first call he had adopted a dangerous tactic, antagonizing with the unsub instead of trying to get him to surrender.

Hotch had tried to talk to him but he was irreducible with his technique and said it was the best way to deal with the situation. In the end, after another phone call the man had snapped and shot the teacher and two kids before killing himself. One of the kids had died on the scene and the other along with the teacher had been taken in a really bad shape to the hospital.

Both of them had survived in the end but Gideon had been suspended for two weeks without pay. This was his first case back and Hotch was starting to see that his old friend wasn't in any condition to work on the field yet.

"I don't know. I will talk to him as soon as this case is over but right now we have work to do…" Hotch said and the team sprang into action.

\\*\\*\\*\

Thirty two hours later the team was on the jet on their way home. Not a single sound was heard. The plane was in absolutely silence while the team tried to understand what had happened on the last twelve hours. After Gideon's outburst on the precinct the team had gone back to their previous profile and started to work on finding the identity of the unsub.

They had Garcia to work on the list of possible connections between the families and to look into the kids' schools to see if there was a common contact. After some digging she had found the same substitute teacher that had worked on all three schools in the last twelve months. Looking at his background they found out that Steven Harris had been orphaned at age of twelve, both parents murdered in a home robbery. He had hid himself in the coat closet and watched his father being beat to death with a candlestick while his mother was raped and stabbed repeatedly.

Right before they left for the address Garcia had sent JJ barged inside the conference room, fuming, turning the TV on to show a reporter reading an official note from the FBI, saying that they were looking for two brothers who were responsible for the murders. He also said that the Behavioral Analysis Unit had found out that the youngest of the brothers was being deeply manipulated by his older brother and that they understood that he wasn't committing the crimes willingly. The note ended with a plea for him to surrender and come to the precinct to talk with the FBI and they could work on a solution for everything.

The team had watched dumbfounded at the news while Gideon came back to the room. Hotch had demanded an explanation for his actions and said he was going to be punished when they got back to Quantico. Gideon had simply said that he knew his profile was right and they could wait to see the first unsub to come to the precinct because that level of manipulation and the hesitation he had saw on the murders was a sign of a big crack on the trust between the two unsubs and with an offer like that it was obvious that the weakest part would surrender.

Morgan and Emily had gone to Steven's address but he wasn't anywhere found. And two hours later the precinct door opened abruptly and the unsub had entered, covered in blood, holding a knife against a twelve years old boy. He had demanded to see the BAU and when the team came he had just asked if that was what they called hesitation. The boy's throat was slashed in front of everyone and the unsub was killed with a single shot on the head from one of the deputies' gun.

Now, at the plane, JJ and Emily were sat at the two single chairs in the end of the plane with Morgan on the other side while Reid was sleeping on the small couch. On the other end of the plan Hotch and Gideon were sat across each other, the first working on his files and the other looking at the window. When Gideon turned to look at Hotch's eyes one look told him everything he needed to know. They would have a serious talk.

\\*\\*\\*\

"What hell is wrong with you, Jason?" Were Hotch's first words as they entered the Unit Chief's office later that night.

Jason sat at one of the visitor's chairs and sighed. "I don't know…" He said quietly.

"Do you have any idea what Strauss will do when she see the reports from this case, Gideon? She already called me to question the press note you sent without my consent and with the last murder _and_ the death of the unsub, what do you think she'll do?" He asked seriously.

"I was so sure that it was two suspects…" Gideon said shaking his head.

"That's the problem, Jason. _You_ were certain of that. But the whole team was disagreeing with you and you just dismissed their opinions like they were nothing… the damaged it caused, the trust is broken, especially with Morgan. And you know that with him things are a little more difficult…" He said.

"I know. I know that… I saw the reproving looks after what happened at the precinct and all the way home…" Gideon said defeated.

"This is a team, Gideon. You don't dismiss the other's opinions. You discuss and ask for advice and build a profile _together_. That's what you taught me, remember?" He questioned.

"But Morgan dismissed my idea too!" He argued but Hotch shook his head.

"He did not. All of us spent three whole days working with your theory without questioning. He just questioned you that day because we were running out of time and the profile wasn't going to nowhere!" Hotch said. "And in the end, we were right! We found the suspect's name in four hours and his address soon after. We were just leaving to catch him when we saw the news and when we got into his address he was gone already. What you did was a breech of protocol and a hugely selfish act that showed your lack of confidence in this team's ability to work and I can't accept that, Jason. No matter whom you were, who you are, I'm the leader here. I'm the one has the last word". He said fiercely.

"I know, Aaron…" Jason nodded. "I… I think I'm not ready for this. I don't know if I'm able to do this anymore… I need time…"

"Good, because you're suspended again. Three weeks without payment. And you'll have to pass through an evaluation to go back to the field again…" Gideon nodded resigned and placed his badge on Hotch's desk. "I hope you find your answers, Jason…" Hotch said before the other profiler left. As he looked at the badge in front of him he felt a feeling of déjà vu and didn't like it. He hoped it wouldn't end like the last time but he knew that the odds weren't at his favor.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Hello?" Haley answered her phone that morning while she was folding some clothes.

"Hi, it's me…" James voice came through the line. Haley couldn't avoid the smile that lit up her face at his voice. Ever since Sally had introduced them, a little over a month ago, they had started a good friendship. She had helped him with the decoration of his apartment and they had had several breakfasts and lunches during the last few weeks.

She found herself talking to him about her life, her childhood, her past relationships and mostly her marriage. She relished the fact that he listened to her attentively all the time and was available to talk anytime she called. He had confided her too about his life, his bad relationship with his parents, his last relationship and how he had found his fiancé of two and a half years in bed with his best friend and how that was the reason he had moved to Virginia.

Along the little chats and meals she found herself feeling things she didn't think she would be able to feel at her age. The butterflies on her tummy every time he smiled or the way her heart speed up every time she heard his voice. They hadn't done anything though, because she knew she couldn't do that to Aaron.

But, not for the first time, she started to think that she deserved more and better that what she had a home. And this time the feeling was too strong for her to ignore.

"Hi… how are you?" She asked smiling.

"I'm fine, sweetheart. And you?" He asked and she felt her insides trembling. He was full of endearments and compliments and that just made her feel even more affected by him.

"I'm good. Just folding some clothes, doing some laundry…" She answered.

"Do you think we can meet for lunch today? Same place? I have something I'd like to talk to you…" He asked hesitantly.

"Of course. Same time?" She asked.

"Yeah…"

"Okay… is everything okay, James?" She asked apprehensive.

"Everything's okay, Hay. See you there, right?"

"Okay, see you".

"Bye…" He said and the line went dead. She looked at the phone in her head with a frown. He seemed a little off and she couldn't help but wonder what he wanted. Shrugging, she resumed herself to her work again and finished with the clothes to put some others at the washer. She had somewhere to go soon and she knew it would be the highpoint of her day, as always.

 **A/N: What do you think James want to talk about?**

 **Reviews are incredibly appreciated.**


	14. Chapter 13

**A/N: Hello everyone! Happy Saturday!**

 **I'm reposting this, my beta answered me. It didn't change much, but here it is.**

 **I'm very proud of this chapter. I think it was a nice ending for Haley and Hotch and I hope you guys agree with me.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 13

"Hi…" Haley smiled at him when he rose from his seat to greet her.

"Hi… you look beautiful…" He smiled back, leaning to kiss her cheek and then pulled a chair for her.

"Thanks… did you order anything yet?" She asked as he sat back in front of her.

"No, I was waiting for you…" He said gesturing to the waitress. They made their orders and he looked back at her. "You really do look beautiful…" He said taking her hand. She was wearing a dark blue dress with a white cardigan and her hair was loose on her shoulders, the gold of her hair even more shining at the sunlight.

"Thank you…" She smiled blushing. "What did you want to talk to me?" She asked. He tightened the hold on her hand and his thumb traced the line of her rings, making her held a breath at this. "James…"

"I can't keep doing this, Hay…" He said quietly. When she tried to let go of his hand he tightened the hold again. "I mean I can't keep doing this…" He said tracing the line of her rings again.

"James…"

"I never thought I would get involved in something like this, especially after Michele. I know how it is to be betrayed and I promised myself I would never do something like this…" He started.

"But we didn't…" She said but he cut her.

"I know we didn't, sweetheart. This" he said gesturing at their holding hands "is the most you let me do and you have no idea how this makes me admire you even more…" He said bringing her hand to his lips. "But I want more, Haley. I _need_ more. I can't keep meeting you like this… I can't keep seeing these rings on your finger, reminding me you're someone else's… I can't…"

"So I won't see you anymore?" She asked quietly.

"That's not what I'm saying…" He said and cupped her chin to make her look at him. "I'm saying I want more. I deserve more. You deserve more. I know you're not completely happy with him… I want to make you happy, Haley… I want to put _my_ rings on your finger… I want to make plans with you, I want to think about the future, I want to take you out on dates… God, I want to _kiss_ you, Haley… I want to hold you, knowing that you're mine… I want to meet Jack… I want you to meet my parents… I want everything…" He said firmly.

"James…"

"I am completely in love with you, Haley. I can't imagine my life without you anymore and I don't want to… please, babe, give us a chance…" He pleaded her.

"James…" Haley shook her head. "I can't…"

"Why, Haley? Why you can't?" He pressed her. "You know that you're not in love with him, you told me that tons of times… why keep putting up with this? Jack is not a kid anymore, he'll understand…"

"I can't, James… I can't…" She said taking her hand off of his grip and putting the napkin back on the table. "I have to go…"

"Wait, Haley…" He tried to reach for her but she avoided his grip.

"I have to go, James. I don't think we should see each other again…" She said getting up.

"Wait just a second". He said managing to catch her hand. "Look at me in the eye and say you don't feel anything for me…" He said tilting her chin up.

"James, let me go…" She pleaded.

"Why are you so afraid?" He whispered. "We could be so happy, sweetheart…"

"I am happy". She said firmly and he smiled sadly shaking his head.

"You're not. Not like you're supposed to be". He said. "I'll let you go… but I'll be waiting for you. When you figure it out why you're so scared and realize that you also feel something for me, I will be waiting. I love you, Haley. I love you like I've never loved anyone in my life. If you let me, I'll spend the rest of my life showing you just how much…" He said leaning in to kiss her forehead. "I love you, sweetheart". He said again before letting go of her hand. "You know where to find me".

She caught her purse on the chair and walked out of the restaurant quickly, her eyes watering and her breathing elaborated. She knew they were tracing the line between friends and something more but she wasn't prepared for that talk yet. She was terrified. She had a home, a husband and a son. What if Aaron got mad at her? What if Jack got disappointed at her? What would people think? What would happen if she got a divorce?

She remembered his words and felt an ache in her chest. He was right. She had fallen for him too. During all the hours they spent talking on the phone, all the lunches and brunches and breakfasts… she had fallen for him too and she couldn't deny that. And he was right again when he said she wasn't completely happy. She wasn't. And she knew Aaron wasn't either. Why couldn't she want more? She wanted, God, she wanted so much more.

She opened her front door with a sigh and dropped her purse on the floor. As she looked around the room and looked at all the family pictures on the wall, all the frames and memories of their family, their moments together, everything, she knew it had been worth it. They had been happy. But she wanted to be _happy_. In that fairy tale kind of way. She wanted the butterflies and the surprises and the explosions.

She sat heavily on the couch and stared at her rings, displayed so proudly in her finger. She knew she had to have a talk with her husband. Soon.

\\*\\*\\*\

Hotch got inside his office that evening with a tired sigh. The team got called away in a child abduction case right after Jason left the office. It took almost thirty six hours but the team managed to find the little girl and catch the unsub without any incidents. He had called Haley from the plane and told her he would be home for dinner. Since they got called right away he barely had time to go home repack his go bag and give her a kiss before leaving. Now, since it was Friday already, they wouldn't be returning to the office until Monday so he would enjoy the weekend with his family.

He dropped his briefcase on his desk and took off some files he had finished on the plane and replaced them with others he would take a look sometime during the weekend. As he was closing his briefcase again he noticed a small package at the corner of his desk with a gun on top of it. Gideon's sidearm.

Frowning, he took the envelope and opened to find his friends badge along with a letter. He opened the folded paper to see a resignation letter. He sat back abruptly in his chair and read the content of the letter. He said that he had reached his breaking-point, where he couldn't do the job anymore without doubting humanity as a whole and he just couldn't find a meaning in what they did anymore.

He said he was too shattered and damaged to maintain objective to his duty and not to flip like he had done in the last cases. He finished the letter apologizing for not saying goodbye in person and that they shouldn't look for him because he would be okay. He folded the paper back into the envelope and closed it placing it on his desk again. He shook his head and closed his eyes, not quite believing yet.

A quiet knock on his door pulled him out of his thoughts and he said a quiet come in to whoever was on the door. "Hey…" Emily's quiet voice greeted him. "I'm just dropping my files…" She said handing him her paperwork.

"Thanks…" He said quietly and put in on his in basket without looking at it or at her.

Emily looked at him closely with a frown. "Is everything okay?" She asked and he nodded looking up.

The minute he laid his eyes on her he felt the air leaving his lungs. She had changed into a low cut red shirt with a black pencil skirt and a pair of black heels. "God, you look so beautiful…" He said with such reverence that she felt her insides trembling.

"Thank you… JJ, Garcia and I are having a girl's night…" She explained and he nodded.

"Okay, have a good weekend…" He said but she didn't turn to leave.

"Aaron, are you okay?" She asked again.

"I'm fine, it's just…" He started but stopped, just handing her the envelope, unable to speak.

She looked at the content and gasped. "Did he…"

"Yes… he resigned from the FBI definitely". Hotch nodded.

"Wow… I mean, he was freaking out these last few cases but I did not see that coming…"

"Me either…" He shook his head. "I ask you to keep it quiet… I want to tell the team on Monday. Let them have their weekend in piece…"

"Of course, don't worry". She said handing the envelope back. "I'm gonna go find the girls…" She said gesturing to the door.

"I'm going too. I promised I'd be home for dinner…" He said grabbing his coat and briefcase. Just before they left the office he looked at her again and said quietly. "You really do look beautiful, Emily…" She smiled slightly at him and murmured thanks. "Have a good night". He said and walked down the stairs going towards the elevators.

\\*\\*\\*\

Dinner was quiet and soon the couple was changing for bed. Hotch had noticed how Haley seemed a little off since he got home, avoiding too much contact and just making small talk. When he reached out to hold her after she changed into her night gown and she shifted into his embrace uncomfortably he questioned her. "Honey, is everything okay? You seem… off…" When her eyes filled with tears he frowned. "What happened, sweetheart?" He asked worriedly.

Haley let out a shaky breath and sat at the edge of the bed. "We need to talk…" She said quietly.

Hotch pulled the armchair from the window and sat in front of her, taking her hands in his. "Okay…" She opened her mouth a couple of times but didn't manage to emit a sound. "It's okay, sweetheart. Just say it…" He encouraged her.

"I met someone". She said quietly and he dropped her hand.

"What?"

"I… I met someone…" She repeated shakily.

Hotch got up from the chair and started to pace. "Did you… did you?" He couldn't finish but she understood and walked to him taking his hand again.

"No! I didn't. I didn't cheat on you. Not even a kiss, Aaron, I swear to God!" She said firmly.

"So…"

"So… I met someone… we've been talking for the last few weeks… we've met for breakfast and sometimes lunches… he's Sally's brother-in-law. He moved to Virginia two months ago…" She explained.

"A few weeks?" He asked incredulously.

"Yes… then he asked me to lunch this week and he said… he said he fell in love with me…" She said looking down. "He asked me a chance… I told him I couldn't… I told him I couldn't but…"

"But you want it…" He completed.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron… I didn't mean for this to happen, I swear. But he's so… he makes me feel so… I can't explain…" She cried.

"But Haley, it's just a few weeks…" He argued. "Do you really want to throw fifteen years away because of someone you just met?" He asked.

"These kind of things we don't choose, Aaron…"

"But…"

"How long did it take for you to fall in love with Emily?" She asked and that shut him up.

He looked down and shook his head. "I can't believe it…" He said quietly. "Or maybe I do… a part of me always waited for this to happen…"

"What do you mean?" She asked.

"I mean that was never able to love you the way you deserve it. I always waited for you to find out that there was something better for you out there…" He said looking sadly at her.

"And I was never able to love you the way she did…" She said and he looked down. She cupped his cheek. "We were very happy all these years, Aaron. But we can be happier. You can be happier. You have another chance in your hands…" She said but he shook his head.

"No, I don't. I did too much damage already. I can't do this to her. She deserves something better…" He said but Haley shook her head.

"Then why she never found someone all these years? Why is she still alone? Maybe it's because she couldn't find someone better than you. Maybe it's because she couldn't love anyone like she loved you…" She reasoned.

They stayed in silence for a few moments before he leaned his forehead in hers and sighed. "So… this is it?" He asked quietly.

"I'm sorry…" She whispered.

"You deserve to be happy…" He answered. "I want you to be happy…"

"Thank you, Aaron…" She said hugging him. "I love you…"

"I love you too, sweetheart. And I'll always be by your side…" He said caressing her back. She tilted her head up and captured his lips in one last kiss, filled with sorrow and thankfulness.

Later that night, Aaron lay awake in their bed and looked at the blonde head sleeping by his side. Even though their relationship wasn't perfect, even though they didn't get married for love, even though he could never love her the way she deserved he would miss her deeply. She was his partner, his lover, his comfort on the bad days. But he knew they couldn't go on like this. Not with her in love with someone else. Even though it would hurt being alone after all these years he couldn't be selfish.

It was over.

 **A/N: Ohh, it's over! So, what did you think?**

 **Next one will be posted on Tuesday. We'll have Rossi coming to the team and everyone finding out about Hotch's divorce. How do you think Emily will react? I'd love some reviews.**

 **Good weekend to all of us :)**


	15. Chapter 14

**A/N: I'm reposting this because my beta answered me. It didn't change much, but here it is.**

 **Thank you so much for all the reviews. I hadn't had the time to answer all of them yet but I'm really grateful and happy.**

 **So, here is David Rossi. I'd just like to say that I absolutely adore him... He's one of my favorites. :) I hope you guys like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 14

Two weeks had passed since that faithful night. Hotch had taken care of the divorce papers and since they decided to do it amicably it didn't take long to finish it. He sat at his chair in his office and looked at his now empty finger, part of him still not believing that it was really over. He had found a two-bedroom apartment, closer to work, and finished moving his things that weekend.

He had had a brief meeting with James, Haley's new boyfriend, before she introduced him to Jack. Even though it was strange to meet his ex-wife's new boyfriend just one day after signing the divorce's papers, he had to admit that he was a good guy who apparently was very much in love with her. They talked and he assured him that he hadn't pursued anything more physical with Haley before she had asked for the divorce and that he was sorry for coming between them but he couldn't help the way he felt.

They had talked with Jack and explained to him their reasons for the separation and thankfully the boy had understood easily. He had actually been surprised that it was his mother who had found someone, saying that he thought it would be his father who would leave because of Emily.

They decided that, due to Hotch's job, Haley would be Jack's primary care guardian and they would work a schedule where Hotch would have him every other weekend, when he was free from work, and some weeks on the summer break along with either Thanksgiving or Christmas.

He had spent the last weekend with Jack and they had decorated the boy's room at his new apartment, bought some new furniture and a few kitchen utensils he needed. Haley had visited him on Sunday evening to see the place and help him with some of the decorating.

He hadn't said anything to the team about the separation, mostly because he didn't want to answer the questions he was sure they would ask, but since he wasn't wearing his ring for the last week, ever since they signed the papers, he thought they were aware of it but chose to not confront him about it. And he was immensely thankful for that.

He was still dealing with the problems involving Gideon's resignation and with the team one man down he had to find a new agent quickly. Fortunately he had received the news that his old friend, David Rossi, one of the founding members of the BAU, was interested in coming back to the field after eight years of retirement. After a couple of phone calls he had quickly dealt with the bureaucracy and now was waiting for him to arrive to introduce the team.

He heard the faint knock on his door and called whoever was to come in. The door opened and he rolled his eyes inwardly at the sight of his Section Chief. "Agent Hotchner". She greeted him with a cold voice.

"Ma'am". He nodded and rose from his seat. He saw his friend rolling his eyes behind her and bit back a smile.

"I assume you know…" She started but Dave cut her.

"Aaron…" He greeted his friend with a smile and Hotch approached him to give him a hug.

"Dave…" He smiled back. "It's so good to see you. It's been so long…"

"Three years, if I recall correctly…" Dave nodded. Both of them looked at Strauss for a minute until she cleared her throat uncomfortable.

"Well… I'll leave you too to catch up…" She said opening the door.

Dave smirked at him after she left. "I see things didn't change much here…"

"Actually they did change a lot. Just some old crap still remains the same…" Hotch smiled back at him. "I'm still shocked that you decided to come back…"

"I was thinking about it for a while now… the retirement was good for a while but I missed the field. It's too boring just being at home, drinking scotch and smoking cigars, thinking about my new book… I'm too young for that, even though I have a few more white hairs…" He said and they chuckled.

"Well, I'm glad… Gideon's departure caught us all by surprise…" He said sitting in one of his visitor's chairs while Dave sat at the other.

"I've heard about it. I freaked out on a couple of his last cases, right?"

"Yeah, first he antagonized an unsub in a hostage's situation at the cost of the hostage's life. Then he went behind my back to release a statement to the press that triggered the unsub and he killed the last victim in front of all of us in the precinct…" Hotch explained.

"Wow… he really lost it…" He shook his head. "I'm sad that he reached his breaking point like this. I seriously hope that he finds his peace again. He was such a good agent… without him this wouldn't have been possible…" He said and Hotch nodded.

"So, are you ready to meet the team?" He asked getting up.

"How many are we talking exactly?" He asked.

"Five. They're all exceptional and they're really anxious to meet you…" Hotch said gesturing to the door.

"Five? Wow… I remember when it was just Gideon and I in a small office surrounded by files…" He said.

"Yeah… like I said, things changed a lot…" Hotch said just as they reached the Conference Room where the rest of the team was already waiting. "Everyone, I'd like to introduce you Agent David Rossi. He'll be joining us starting today… Dave, please meet Agents Derek Morgan, Jennifer Jareau, Emily Prentiss, Dr. Spencer Reid and our Technical Analyst Penelope Garcia".

"Sir, it's an incredible honor meeting you… I've read all of your books and works and I'm particularly fascinated with your analysis about the psychopathology of the…" Reid started to ramble but Derek cut him.

"Kid, breathe!" He said smacking his shoulders. "It's nice to meet you, Agent Rossi…" He said shaking his hand.

"Likewise, Agent Morgan. So, Doctor? Aren't you too young to be a doctor?" He asked to Reid with a raised eyebrow.

"I actually have three PhD's. I also have an IQ of 187, an eidetic memory and I can read twenty thousand words per minute…" Reid answered.

"Oh, of course. You're the genius Gideon spoke about sometimes…" He said and saw the kid's demeanor change.

"Yeah… he was my mentor…" He mumbled.

"I'm sorry…" Rossi said seeing he had touched a sensitive subject. He turned to the three women to change the subject. "So, Agents Prentiss and Jareau, right? And TA Garcia?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes, sir. It's a pleasure…" Emily smiled back shaking his hand.

"The pleasure is all mine, Agent…" He smiled back eyeing her up and down quickly.

"Don't even think about it". Hotch said seriously.

Rossi looked back at him with a frown. "I'm sorry?"

"I said, don't even think about it. I know that look. Not with my agents, Dave…" He shook his head.

"You were always too uptight, Aaron…" Dave chuckled.

"And you're the reason for most of the anti-fraternization rules. I'm warning you, if you don't want to meet the end of my Glock, stay away from these two." He said pointing to JJ and Emily. "And if you don't want to die from a very painful death on the hands of this big guy here" he said tapping Derek's shoulder "I'd suggest you to stay away from the other blonde…"

"So territorial…" Dave chuckled. "I'm just kidding, Aaron… I really came back to work. And that's it…"

"All right. Then let's get to work". He said taking a seat. "JJ, what do we have?"

\\*\\*\\*\

"Well, now I see how things are really different here…" Dave said taking a sip of his scotch. They were sitting at Hotch's office after just returning from his first case on the team.

"Yeah. You may want to get used to it, and fast. I swear I was waiting for JJ to punch you. You don't mess with the press, man, it's her thing…" Hotch said shaking his head.

"I understand that now. I apologized on the plane. I hope things get better… it's hard, when we started this it was just two guys working on their theories and building a profile. We didn't have a communication liaison or a technical analyst. We didn't work on geographical profiles and we didn't have so many briefings with the 'team'" He said marking quotations with his fingers.

"I know that. But we upgraded what you and Gideon started. He helped a lot with the new format. And it works. Our success rate it's above ninety percent and we function better like this, faster…" He explained.

"I got it, Aaron. I'll work on it, okay…" He said and the other agent nodded. "Now, changing subjects… since when did you join the club?" He said gesturing to his left ring finger.

"I was wondering when you would ask about it. It's been a little more than two weeks since we decided. We signed the papers last week…" He explained.

"And the reason…"

"She met someone". Hotch said simply.

"Ouch". Dave winced.

"She didn't cheat. She met this guy and they fell in love. So, she asked the divorce to try something with him… he's a nice guy. Jack likes him…" He shrugged.

"You're awfully okay with this". Dave commented.

"You don't know the truth behind my marriage with Haley, Dave…" Hotch said.

"Enlighten me, then…" Dave asked and Hotch did it. He explained everything, ever since his first meeting with Emily until his decision to break up with her and get married with Haley. "Damn, Aaron. That's just some… really deep shit…" He breathed astonished.

"Tell me about it…"

"So, you and Prentiss…"

"Are nothing. She's my agent. And that's it. We're just getting to a point where she trusts me again, even if it's just in the field. I'd like to build a friendship with her but I won't jeopardize that trying something else. You have no idea how much pain I caused her with my mistakes… she deserves something better… someone better than me…"

"You're still in love with her…" Dave stated after a few seconds and Hotch chuckled humorlessly.

"I'll love her for the rest of my life, Dave. If a fifteen year marriage with a son didn't change that, nothing will…" He said.

"Well, she's for sure a remarkable woman…" Dave said and added quickly "with all due respect".

"She is…" Hotch nodded.

"And why didn't you tell the team about the divorce yet?" He asked.

"I didn't feel the need to announce it. I'm sure they're aware of it but chose to not say anything about it…"

"I don't know, something tells me that they didn't notice yet…" Dave said.

"They're profilers, Dave. I'm not wearing my ring for more than a week. They know…" He said.

"Trust me. They didn't notice…" Dave shook his head.

"Well, one day they will. It's not like I'm hiding. I just to want to make a big deal of it…"

"I think you're afraid of Emily's reaction…" Dave suggested.

"I don't think she'll have one…"

"And that's exactly what you're afraid of…" Dave finished and Hotch just took a sip of his drink without answering it.

\\*\\*\\*\

Three days later the team was finishing a briefing when Dave caught everyone's attention. Hotch had gone to take a phone call and hadn't returned yet. "Look, Thanksgiving is this week and I'd like to know if you guys have plans already…"

"Derek and I usually have dinner at his place... JJ and Reid sometimes come too" Penelope said.

"I don't have… my parents are overseas so…" Emily said.

"Good… I'd like to invite you all to my place in Little Creek. You know, to get to know each other outside of the work… redeem myself from my shitty first impression…" He said a little sheepishly.

"That's great, man… do we need to bring anything?" Morgan asked.

"No, just yourselves. I have everything covered…" Dave said and the others quickly agreed. Just then, Hotch came back to the room. "Good. What about you, Aaron? Thanksgiving at Little Creek? I know you said you'd have Jack but you can bring him too…"

"Actually I was just talking with Haley. She asked to keep Jack for Thanksgiving this year. She said they want to go to James' parents. Do the introductions, you know… so I'll have him for Christmas…" He said and everyone looked at him confused.

"What are saying, man?" Morgan asked frowning and Dave chuckled.

"I told you they hadn't noticed…"

"God, you're profilers… how could you have not noticed that I'm not wearing my wedding band for the last two weeks?" Hotch asked surprised.

"You mean…" Morgan started.

"That Haley and I are not together anymore, yeah…" He finished.

"Wow, man… I did not see that coming…" Morgan breathed. "What happened-wait a minute… James?" He frowned.

"That would be Haley's boyfriend…" Hotch nodded.

"She's already seeing someone?" JJ asked with wide eyes.

"Considering that he's the reason for our divorce, yes, she's already seeing someone…" He nodded again.

"She cheated on you? What a…" Garcia exclaimed but he cut her off.

"Wait, she didn't cheat. She met him and they fell in love. So, she asked for the divorce so they could try something together…" He explained.

"Oh…" Garcia nodded. "Either way, it's her loss, boss-man…" She said giving him a hug.

"Thank you, Penelope…" He smiled slightly at her. "I honestly thought you guys had noticed. Anyway, I didn't want to make a big deal of it. It wasn't something hateful or anything like that… I want her to be happy and I'm happy for her…" He sighed. "You're all aware now that our marriage wasn't about love. We've spent fifteen years together, she was my best friend during all these years and we were happy together but I always thought she deserved more than I could give to her. I love her and I will love her for the rest of my life. We have a tie that will be connecting us forever. But it was for the best… James is a good guy and he's good to my son and Haley, and that's all the matters…"

"And think about the bright side… we can start working on your second divorce so you can start keeping up with me…" Dave joked and they all chuckled.

"No, thank you… I think I'll stick with just one, thank you very much…" Hotch said chuckling.

Emily, who had stayed quiet during the whole exchange, made eye contact with him. "Are you okay?" She asked.

"I am". He nodded at her and she just nodded back. The team started making plans to the Thanksgiving' dinner and dropped the subject. Emily stayed quiet, just nodding at the others suggestions and thinking about the news. Part of her felt sad for him because the end of a marriage like theirs was something big. They had been together for over a decade and had a son together so it was the end of a big commitment and it was sad.

But the other part of her, the part that was still completely and utterly in love with that man couldn't help but feel a spark of hope. Hope for a new phase of his life where she would be in it like something more than his agent. Hope for a new opportunity. Hope for another chance.

However, all the memories of the years alone, all the grief she passed because of him, all her trust issues, all her doubts and fears, everything, repressed that hope. She had made a promise when she started this job, a promise of never open up herself again to him. And she would keep that promise. She would.

 **A/N: Emily knows! Do you really think she'll keep her promise? Next one will be up in two days and will be based on Lucky and Penelope, so we'll have some Morcia... :) Reviews are appreciated.**


	16. Chapter 15

**A/N: Hello everyone. I'm sorry I didn't post sooner but here it is. This chapter is based on Lucky and Penelope. You guys will see that we'll start to write Hotch and Emily as friends, trying to rebuild the trust necessary to something more. It won't be a quick jump into a romance. It doesn't seem real to me and I can't do that. We'll have some fluffy moments, more flashbacks, some rough times and a little drama before those two find their way to each other.**

 **We'll also start to evolve into the Morcia thing. This chapter will be the first step.**

 **Oh, I'd like to thank you all for your reviews. You guys are incredible, honestly. I haven't answered all of them but I'm very grateful.**

 **So, my beta answered me, I reposted the last two chapters with a few changes but this one it's perfect! YAY. My beta didn't change anything and I'm happy, happy, happy because it means I really improved. So, YAY again!**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 15

"Good morning, princess…" Derek Morgan greeted his favorite girl as she entered the bullpen that morning.

"Good morning…" It was her only reply and he frowned. Now, that wasn't right.

"Hey, hey, hey…" He called and she stopped, turning her head to look at him. He gestured her to come closer. "Every single day I wish you good morning. And every single day you answer me with 'I'll show you a good morning, hot-stuff'. But not today. What happened?"

She winced slightly and patted his shoulders. "I hate profilers…"

"What's wrong, honey?" He frowned.

"I met a guy". She said and his heart dropped. She met a guy? She met a guy. A guy.

"Oh… where?" He asked, hoping to hide how much he was bothered by the news.

"At the coffee shop. Smoking hot. I fixed his computer and he asked my number…" She explained and he frowned.

"And you did it?"

"Of course I did. It was a completely stranger. Did I mention he was smoking hot?" She rambled.

He tried to smile at her, seeing how happy she was, but his insides were trembling. "Yeah, you did…" He tapped her nose. "Good for you… it happens…" He said turning around to leave, not wanting to hear anymore.

"No, no with me…" She said quietly and he turned back.

"What do you mean?" He asked frowning.

"I'm not the girl that the guys see in a bar and come to ask for a dance…" She said somewhat depreciatingly.

"Sweetheart…" He started but she cut him.

"It's okay. I'm fine with that…"

"What is the problem?" He asked. "Do you think it's going too fast?"

"Yeah, maybe, I don't know… what do you think?"

"I think you should follow your intuition. If you think it's going too fast or maybe he's too _smoking hot_ , you can sneak out…" He said hoping she would forget about it. He couldn't even begin to think about how it would be if she met someone and started dating. It would be too much for him to handle.

He knew he was being selfish and he knew he should just man-up and tell her how he felt but he was too much coward for that. He got used with her near, available to him at any time, thinking she would always be there, waiting for him. Now he wasn't so sure of that anymore.

Thankfully, JJ came in with a case and saved him from continuing the talk. He hoped the next few days would make her forget about the guy and maybe he could invite her to a movie night when he got back. He had to work his shit out and grown the balls to ask her out properly. He couldn't lose his chance. He couldn't lose her.

\\*\\*\\*\

The team was working on the case for nineteen hours straight right now and everyone was more than a little tired. Emily, Morgan and Reid were at the conference room at the precinct working through some files when Hotch, Rossi and JJ got in. Hotch was holding two steaming cups and handed one to Emily. "You're awesome, thank you…" She beamed at him before taking a sip. She spat the content and made a disgusted noise. "Ugh, what the hell is this, Aaron?" She asked.

"Chamomile tea". He answered easily without looking up from his files.

"Tea? Why in the hell did you bring me tea?"

He looked up at her before answering. "Because you already drank six cups of coffee since we got here and you're starting to be snappy and bitchy. That's the cue to cut the caffeine and you know it… Especially since we're taking a break in half hour and if you drink more coffee you won't be able to sleep, than you'll be even more snappy later…"

"Are you seriously regulating my coffee?" She asked incredulously.

"Yes, I am. I'm the leader and I have to look out for my team's wellbeing and that includes not letting you bit Reid's head off or smack Morgan or stay grumbling and complaining the whole time we're here…" He explained and bit back a smile when the team laughed at her indignant face.

"You can't do that!" She said.

"I just did it…" He shrugged and sighed when she huffed. "Emily, you know I'm right. You can't drink too much coffee, no one can. I switched to tea three cups ago, JJ is drinking water, Rossi too. Morgan only drank two cups since we arrived and even Reid only drank four..." He argued and saw her face easing.

"Yeah, I know…" She sighed nodding. "Thank you…" She smiled slightly at him.

"No problem…" He nodded back and returned to his files.

"Did Garcia call back with the results?" Rossi asked and Morgan shook his head.

"No, let me call her…" He said and went to the other room.

"Garcia speaking…" She answered and he smiled.

"Hey sweetheart, did you find something?"

"I actually just sent it to you… I found the ten identities of the ten fingers… they're all from different women…" She said.

"Wow, ten different? The guy was definitely busy…" He breathed.

"Looks like. I gotta go, bye…" She said quickly and he frowned.

"Hey, hey, hey. What's the matter? No snappy retort?" That wasn't like his baby girl.

"Not in the mood…" She said evasively.

"Penelope…"

"All right, all right. The guy, from the coffee shop. He called me, asking for a date. I followed you're advice and I blew him off…" She said and he closed his eyes with a relieved sigh. Thank God!

"Oh… oh, that's good. Smart move. There was definitely something wrong with him…" The minute he said those words he knew it was the wrong thing to say.

"Wow, you are some profiler… you could tell how wrong he was from the little I told you…" She said with a serious voice.

"Garcia, I didn't mean…"

"I wonder if it was that he was too handsome or too interested in me that tipped off on how wrong he is…" She continued with a raising voice.

"Garcia, I…"

"Just because you wouldn't cross a crowded room to hit on me doesn't mean that a more perceptive and less superficial guy wouldn't. Hey Derek, you want snappy? You suck!" She almost shouted and hung up on him.

He looked at the phone on his hand and sighed. Did she really think that of him? That he was superficial and wouldn't cross a crowded room for her? Of course she did. He had never given a single hint that he wanted more than just a meaningless flirt with her. He had showed off dozens of women in front of her, all of them with model's bodies and so different from her. Not one of them were so colorful and so bright and so funny and so _damn_ beautiful… and now he had ruined everything. He had made her feel unwanted, not attractive and, more important, not good enough for him when the truth was that _he_ was the one who wasn't good enough for her.

He needed to fix this.

As soon as they got home he would fix this.

\\*\\*\\*\

He knocked on her lair that evening apprehensively. He would ask her out and he would take her on a date and he would treat her like she deserved. Like the love of his life. He was tired of waiting and wondering what could be. He wanted to know. And he wanted her to know. He just hoped she'd say yes.

"Hey, baby girl…" He greeted her.

She was finishing shutting her babies off and didn't turn to look at him. "Can I do something for you?" She asked with a mechanic voice that sent shivers through his spine, not the good ones.

"I was wondering if you'd like to go out tonight… there's this Indian place near my apartment that seems to be good and I know you love spicy food…" He said cautiously and saw her grab her purse and coat.

"I can't. I have a date and I'm really late right now, so if you excuse me…" She said going to the door but her blocked her.

"A date? With whom?" He asked frowning.

"The guy from the coffee shop. I decided to give him a chance. I have a _hunch_ that maybe he'll be exactly what I need… someone who's actually interested in me…" She said coldly and managed to pass through him. "Good night, Morgan…"

He turned around and saw her leaving, her beautiful blonde hair bouncing from side to side and the sound of her heels echoing on the hall. He closed his eyes and dropped his head down. He had really screwed up. He had thrown her right into this guy's arms and it was his entire fault. He had made her think that he wasn't interested on her and now she was going after someone who had showed her that. She was walking out of his life and he was the one who opened the door. And that hurt in a way he didn't think it was possible.

\\*\\*\\*\

 _"_ _Morgan, it's JJ. Something happened with Garcia. Meet us at the Georgetown Hospital ASAP… it doesn't look good…"_

Morgan was sure he was breaking every single speed limit on his way to the hospital but he couldn't bring himself to care. Ever since he had heard JJ's message along with others from Hotch, Reid and Prentiss he had forgotten about anything but his baby girl. _It doesn't look good._ The words echoed on his head and he could feel his eyes burning with his tears of fear of something happening with Penelope.

After he left the office, devastated because of their fight and her date, he decided to do something he hadn't done in more than twenty-five years. He had walked into a church and sat in one of the pews and, looking at the altar, he started praying. He prayed for help, for a light to help him figure it out what to do. He prayed to understand what would be the best to do, not for him, but for her.

Was he really the best option for her?

Was he really capable of making her happy, like she deserved?

He prayed to a God he spent most of his life rejecting to help him to decide what would make Penelope happier. That was what mattered the most. It wasn't about him. It wasn't about his love for her. It was about being or not being able to give to her what she needed.

He walked through the hospital corridors and searched for the team and finally found them in one of the waiting rooms. "What happened? How is she?" He asked frantically.

"She's been in surgery for a couple of hours…" JJ answered.

"What did the police say?"

"I spoke with the lead detective and he thinks we won't get much from the scene…" Hotch said.

He closed his eyes and tried to control his breathing. A bullet. An actual bullet on his baby girl. He couldn't believe it. Emily came back saying that they didn't give her any updates and sat back at one of the chairs beside JJ. He leaned against the wall and sighed, starting to pray for the second time in that night.

\\*\\*\\*\

Emily saw Hotch sneaking out of the room. They'd been waiting for news for three hours now and she had noticed how much he was struggling to keep it together. She got up after squeezing JJ's hand again and followed him.

She found him leaning against the window at the end of the hall and approached slowly. "Are you okay?" She asked quietly.

"Ask me that after we have the news saying that she'll be fine…" He answered quietly too.

She sighed and leaned in the wall beside him. She had noticed that he had a soft spot for the tech analyst ever since she got into the team. Even when she made the most unappropriated comments and he had to reprimand her she could see the small glint of amusement in his eyes. Every time she called him boss-man or captain she could see how much it pleased him and made his day a little better, not matter which case they were working on it.

"Did you know that she's the only one on the team that I ever said 'I love you' to?" He asked with a small voice.

"She'll be fine, Aaron…" She said soothingly, with a hand on his arm.

"I know…" He nodded. "I didn't give her permission to leave us…" He said and she chuckled.

"You really like her, don't you?" She asked after a few moments.

"I do love her. She's the one who keep us grounded. We can't afford to lose her. I can't afford to lose her…" He said shaking his head.

"You won't. She'll be calling you boss-man and flirting with Morgan through the phone making us blush at some precinct in no time…" She said smiling at him.

He smiled back at her and squeezed her hand. "Thank you…"

"No problem. Let's go back there, okay?" She said and he nodded and they both walked back to the waiting room.

\\*\\*\\*\

They walked into her apartment and he smiled at the familiar sight. The walls were purple and pink and the shelves were filled with strange dolls and frames. There were some pictures of the team and some of her when she was younger. There were a lot of pictures of the two of them and his heart warmed at it. It had been a long time since they had come there for a movie night. They usually spent time on his place but there were a couple of times when she invited him over and cooked for him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her when he saw her wincing as she dropped her coat.

"A little sore but it's normal… nothing that a good night of sleep and some pain killers won't fix it…" She said smiling. "You can go… Go and have some rest…" She said leaning in to hug him. They weren't all okay but they were better. He was feeling incredibly guilty for what happened because it had been the guy they fought about who had done this. He was the one who thrown her into his arms and in consequence she had almost died. And he wasn't there to protect her.

"I'm not going anywhere…" He said shaking his head.

"But there is a goon squad out there, I'll be fine…" She argued.

"Goon squad or no goon squad that couch over there is going to be my new best friend until we catch this guy. Now leave it alone, hard head". He said and she smiled at him whispering a quiet okay. "Go to sleep, sweetheart".

She went to her bed but turned back to him with a so familiar smile. "But if you're thinking about taking advantage of me, let me call my doctor first so he can revive me…" She teased him turning back and he chuckled.

"Hey silly girl…" He called her and the moment she looked at him there wasn't anything else he could have said to her. "I love you, you know that, right?"

Her grin slowly turned into a sweet smile and he could see the glistening in her eyes as she answered him. "I love you too…"

He knew she had interpreted it like a friendly I love you but that was okay. He knew he couldn't just confess his love for her right now without her thinking it was because of her shooting. She would never believe it.

But his decision was made it.

He was done with waiting.

He would start showing her how much she was special. He would start making her see how much she meant to him. And he would win her. He would win her heart. After this so close call he had learnt his lesson. And he wouldn't miss his chance. He wouldn't let her slip away.

No way in hell.

 **A/N: And here starts the Derek Morgan's courtship. Haha.**

 **I'd just like to say that I had to write the scene with Hotch being worried about Garcia. I absolutely love their relationship and I couldn't ignore here. I hope you guys have liked it.**

 **The next chapter will be up in two or three days. Reviews are appreciated.**


	17. Chapter 16

**A/N: Hi guys! Sorry for not posting sooner. I was kinda of busy. I'd like to thank you all for your reviews... I can't believe we've reached one hundred and fifty reviews. Thank you so, so much.**

 **This chapter is more fluffy. I hope you guys like it! :)**

Chapter 16

Yale University – New Haven, Connecticut, March, 1990.

"Aaron, stop!" Emily cried annoyed at her boyfriend.

"I'm not doing anything!" He raised his hands up and looked at her with a wicked grin.

"Yes, you are. And I have to finish this paper for tomorrow… now leave me alone!" She said waving her hand to him. As usual, Aaron completely ignored her and continued to do his favorite hobby: play with his girlfriend's hair.

He ran his hands through her dark strands and toyed with them with his fingers and then started caressing her scalp. He leaned in and buried his face on her hair and sniffed the scent of strawberries he loved so much. He kissed her head and continued his movements with his fingers.

"I don't understand your obsession with my hair…" She mumbled while writing her paper and he chuckled.

"It's so soft… so smooth and beautiful… it feels like silk and it smells so good…" He explained to her, not once stopping his fingers.

"I think I'm going to cut it a little bit…" She said and he was instantly high-alert.

"Oh no, you won't!" He cried and she raised her eyebrows at him. "No, sweetheart, please… don't cut your hair… please…" He pleaded her while his hands were brushing the strands and leaned in to bury his nose on it again. "Promise me you won't cut it… please…" He mumbled.

She looked at him with a grin and said. "If you leave me alone for two hours to finish this I promise I won't cut my hair…"

"Deal. I'll just stay here on the bed and zip my mouth and you won't even know I'm here, I promise…" He said laying on the king sized bed on their bedroom. She looked at him as he purposely ignored her looking at the celling and chuckled.

"You stupid silly man…"

"I love you too…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Quantico, Virginia. December, 2006.

"Okay JJ, what do we have?" Hotch asked as the team was gathered around the round table that morning. Emily had called saying she would be running late because there was an accident that slowed traffic on her way and she was stuck. Since the case was rather urgent and the number of victims was just piling they would brief her later.

"This one is in Jacksonville, Florida. Four men were murdered this last two weeks in their homes. They were all brunette, on their late forties and early fifties and they were all successful and rich. All victims were involved with young woman, mostly on their twenties. There wasn't a pattern on them aside from age. One of them is blond, two are brunettes and one is head-headed. The women were tied up on a chair and forced to watch the whole attack. The unsub tortured them with a kitchen knife and then finished them with a single shot on the forehead…" JJ said while clicking the photos on the TV.

"There's any connection with the victims?" Hotch asked.

"Not at first. All different jobs, neighborhoods, hobbies… the same with their partners… no mutual friends or hobbies, anything…" JJ said.

"Garcia, I want you to check their last activities… see if they went to the same stores, restaurants, bars, anything, maybe the unsub have spotted them there. They were all attacked at home and with a victimology this specific they were targeted before…" Hotch said and the blond tech nodded.

"On it, sir…"

"Okay guys, get ready… wheels up in thirty… or as soon as Emily gets here". Hotch said and just then Emily rushed into the Conference Room.

"Hey, I'm so sorry I'm late… traffic was horrible…" She said apologetically.

"No problem…" Hotch said without looking up from his files. "We'll brief you on the plane…"

"Okay…" She nodded and grabbed her files.

"Nice hair, princess…" Morgan said and Hotch snapped his head up quickly. She had indeed changed her hair. The strands were now straighter and the bangs were molding her face, making her look younger and even more beautiful.

"Thanks, Morgan…" She smiled at him.

"Oh, it looks so good, Em! I loved it!" Garcia beamed playing with the bangs.

"It really does, Em…" JJ agreed. "It made you look younger…"

"Did you know that there's no such thing as a new hair cut making you look younger? It's our subconscious that's not used to that visual and makes us think that because it's a new look it has rejuvenated the person. As soon as we get used to it this idea fades away and our image of the person adapts to the new visual…" Reid rambled.

"Oh, shush it boy genius. She looks younger, doesn't she, boss-man?" Garcia asked Hotch, who was trying to stay out of the talk.

"She looks beautiful, as always…" He said, gathering his files and getting up. "Thirty minutes, guys". He said leaving the room. He went to his office to gather his things before leaving and leaned against the closed door, closing his eyes. He remembered all the times he spent hours playing with her hair, annoying the hell out of her and smelling her strawberry shampoo he always made sure to buy.

Shaking his head quickly he grabbed his jacket and files before going to Dave's office. He had work to do.

\\*\\*\\*\

The team was on the plane going to Florida, reviewing the case once more. "We need to speak with the partners. They said that the suspect wore a black mask the whole time but there may be something in his voice or his behavior that could help to identify him…" Hotch said. "Morgan and Emily, as soon as we land I want you to go to the crime scenes. See if there are any leads or patterns that could help us…" He directed them and they nodded. "Reid, you and JJ will lead the interviews at the precinct… Do a cognitive interview with the victims and see if you can find something about the suspect… Dave and I will go to the coroner's office". He directed them and they nodded.

"Yes, Officer, will be landing soon". They heard JJ speaking at the phone, coming from the small kitchen. "Sure, see you soon…" She said rolling her eyes and hanging up. "That was Officer Rodriguez…" JJ said with a sing-sang voice.

Morgan chuckled. "Oh man, she's still there?" He said shaking his head.

"She is… And she asked me to tell _Agent Hotchner_ that the Conference Room is already settled for him…" JJ said, putting emphasis on Hotch's name and he groaned.

"Oh god…"

Morgan burst out in laugh. "Oh, please, _please,_ let me be there when she sees that you aren't married anymore?!" He asked and JJ laughed along with him.

"Oh shit! I should have brought my ring…" He groaned again.

"What are you guys talking about?" Rossi asked after exchanging a confused look with Emily.

"Oh, we've worked on a few cases on that precinct and there's this Officer that keeps hitting on Hotch…" JJ explained. "You guys will see, she's completely shameless… and that was when Hotch had his ring… now that he's divorced I can't even imagine what she'll do…" She finished laughing.

"She better keep her distance… I'm divorced but still _so_ not interested…" He said shaking his head.

"Is she pretty?" Rossi asked.

"Oh, she's hot. Brunette, fair skin, nice boobs, great ass…" Morgan said and Rossi chuckled.

"Oh Aaron… you and these principles of yours… I wouldn't miss an opportunity like this…" Rossi said shaking his head.

"Then go ahead and enjoy it. I am not interested…" Hotch said dismissively.

"No strings attached, in a whole different state, no compromise, no expectations, a very hot lady, what's not to like?" Rossi asked.

"He's not into sluts". Emily said smiling and Hotch looked at her with a wide grin.

"I knew she reminded me of someone!" He said chuckling.

"Who?" JJ asked confused.

"First time I saw Aaron. We were at this Café in Yale and it was crowded so he asked to sit at my table. Then came in this girl, blonde, huge boobs, shoving them on his face, saying that she was willing to give him some relaxing time…" Emily related smiling. "He said he wasn't interested, she asked why and he said he wasn't into sluts, right on her face…" She finished chuckling.

"You didn't!" Morgan said with wide eyes looking at Hotch.

"I did. She never came after me again. Do you think it could work this time?" He asked Emily.

"Oh, she did come after you. But you were mine and I made it quite clear to her…" She said with a smile.

"She did? When?" He asked confused. He had never talked with Melanie after that morning.

"She came to your apartment a few weeks after we started dating. It was a Saturday evening and you were taking a nap. She rang the doorbell and I looked through the peephole and saw her with this really slutty dress… I opened the door wearing only your shirt and my panties…" She said laughing. "God, her face was priceless…" She said shaking her head.

"You're kidding?" JJ asked laughing.

"Nope…" She shook her head. "And it was even better because I had this big hickey on my neck…" She said laughing.

"Oh god… why didn't you never tell me that?" Hotch asked chuckling.

"I would tell you when you woke up but then you distracted me and I had better things to think about it…" She said smiling. She had to admit it was really good to remember their good times together and actually laugh about it. She realized that it didn't hurt so much anymore. It brought a good feeling. Something nostalgic and it made her feel good.

"You were taking a nap in a Saturday evening, Hotch? I thought you had more stamina than that?" Morgan couldn't help but tease him.

"If you had had a day like ours, Morgan, you'd have passed out before lunch…" Emily said and they all laughed.

"Is that a challenge, princess?" He asked wiggling his eyebrows.

"In your dreams, honey… in your dreams…" She said patting his cheek.

As the pilot announced their land she exchanged a last amused glance with Hotch before looking at the window. It was good to know that she was starting to feel more comfortable. She wouldn't be naïve to think she trusted him or that she had forgotten about everything. But it was good to know that it was possible to think about their past and not feel her heart being ripped out of her chest anymore.

\\*\\*\\*\

Three days later the team was on their way back home. As soon as they entered the precinct Emily saw that JJ wasn't kidding about Officer Rodriguez. The woman was completely shameless at her attempts to get Hotch's attention. The minute she saw his empty finger her eyes lit up and she was asking what had happened and offering her 'support' for him in this difficult time.

She used every single opportunity she got to talk to him, touch him and caress his arm while she was asking something, offering a cup of coffee or asking him to grab a snack with her. He declined each time and sneaked out of her grip every time she touched him but the woman didn't get the hint.

By the end of the second day, Hotch was avoiding completely the precinct, choosing to stay on the field, doing the interviews, checking the scenes and anything that could keep him away from the Officer. The team didn't miss a chance to tease him about it and Emily watched amusedly as he blushed every time JJ said something the woman had said about him.

"They weren't kidding when they said that Officer was persistent…" She murmured teasingly to him while they were on the plane finishing their reports. Reid was sleeping on the couch while Morgan and JJ were playing cards on the other table while Rossi was reading a book on the single seat at the end of the plane.

"I'd never been so happy for ending a case…" He said with a groan and she chuckled.

"My favorite part was when she 'accidentally' spilled her coffee on your shirt and started to try to unbutton it…" She said laughing remembering of him snapping her fingers off of him and leaving the precinct, fuming.

"Don't remind me… I was really close to losing my cool with her…" He said shaking his head and she laughed along with him. They were interrupted by the ring of his cellphone. She saw him frowning when he looked at the caller ID before answering. "Hotchner". His frown was replaced by a surprised look and then a wide grin took his face. "Hey! Wow, it's been so long!" A long pause followed by a chuckle. "I'm sorry… I didn't want to tell you on a phone call…" Another pause and then he looked at the window and then his watch. "I'm coming back home from a case. I'll be landing in forty minutes, I think… where are you?" Another pause and then he shook his head. "No, go to my place…" He said and gave the caller his address. "There's a key under the vase on the corner… get in and make yourself at home. I won't take long, couple of hours, tops. I'll grab some pizza on my way…" A pause and a snort. "How could I forget about that? Okay… oh, and forget about this hotel room, you're staying with me…" He said and rolled his eyes. "Of course I'm sure… see you soon…" He finished the call and closed his phone.

"Everything okay?" Emily asked curiously.

He looked at her with a smile and nodded. "Yeah, everything's fine. Just a friend visiting town…" He said and she nodded.

She watched as he eagerly finished his paperwork, that glint of happiness on his eyes ever since the phone call. After they landed he immediately dismissed everyone and said they were having the weekend off-call, so they should enjoy it. As she saw him walking quickly towards his SUV she fought against the sparkle of curiosity mixed with jealousy for not knowing who this 'friend' was.

She tried very hard to ignore the part of her that wished it was a male friend.

But something was telling her that it wasn't. Something was telling her that this 'friend' was much more than a 'friend'.

And she really didn't like the ache in her chest at the thought.

 **A/N: Who is the mysterious caller? Any guesses? Please, reviews are appreciated. The next chapter is half ready and I'll probably post it tomorrow. Oh, I'm also working on another chapter for Undercover Operation, so if you're waiting for it, I'll be posting it soon. If you hadn't read it yet, please, go take a look and don't forget to tell me what you think about it. :)**


	18. Chapter 17

**A/N: Hello again! Thank you so** ** _freaking_** **much for your reviews. I couldn't answer all of them but I really appreciate them. I received a lot of requests of things my readers want to see in this fic and I'm honestly working on filing them all, according with the script I had for this. So, patience, please! I'm working on it. Hahaha.**

 **Here it is the new chapter and we'll find out who it was the myterious caller. Just one reader guessed right...**

 **It's unbeta'd, so I apologize for any errors. I hope you guys enjoy it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 17

Aaron opened his front door later that night carrying two pizzas and his go bag. He dropped his keys on the table and his go bag on the floor and went searching for his guess. "Kitty?" He called and smiled when he saw his blonde friend on the kitchen looking at him with a wide grin.

"Aaron!" He barely had time to put the pizza boxes on the counter before she threw her arms around his neck in a tight hug.

"Hey, sweetheart…" He said pulling back. "Now, this is a great surprise…"

"I missed you!" She said smiling at him.

"I missed you too, Kitty…" He said. "You look great, but… I don't remember you studying in Yale, though…" He said with a raised eyebrow looking at his Yale's t-shit.

"That's because I stole it from you the last time I came for Christmas…" She said smiling and patting his cheek.

"I thought so… now tell me, what are you doing here?" He asked.

"Nuh uh, you know the rules, buddy, you have to feed me first. Go change while I bring the pizza and the beer to the living room and then we can talk…" She said pushing him towards his bedroom and he went chuckling.

"I honestly don't know where all this food goes… you eat like a cow and _still_ you are _that_ tiny!" He exclaimed when he got back from his room dressed in sweatpants and a t-shirt to find her sitting on the couch, already finishing her second slice.

"I'm sorry… did you just call me a _cow_?" She asked with a glare.

" _No_. I said you _eat_ like a cow. And could you stop with that glare? I already told you that you don't scare anyone. You look like an angry kitten…" He said tapping her nose with a grin.

"Sometimes I really don't know why I love you…" She huffed taking another slice of pizza.

"Because I'm the only one, aside from your husband, that can put up with you…" He answered her and she smacked him on the arm, making him chuckle. "Okay, okay… now explain to me the reason of this visit, please?" He asked opening a bottle of beer for her and one for him.

"Couldn't I just want to see my poor excuse of brother?" She asked teasingly.

"You could, and if I didn't know you I could even believe it. But I do, and I know there's something else…" He said and she sighed.

"Richard was reassigned for another two years shift in Iraq…" She said with a sad tone.

"I'm sorry, Kitty…" He said patting her back. His friendship with Kate Joyner had started while he worked on an international case, before he joined the BAU. She was still working at the Scotland Yard but was already working her way to the Bureau. He still couldn't explain what made him like the British girl so much but they clicked in a way that it was like they'd known each other for years. At the time he was married with Haley for four years and she was engaged to Richard, with plans to get married in the next year.

She told him her plans to moving to the States and joining the FBI and he offered his help in her adjustment. After the case was over they maintained contact by email and when she moved to DC he introduced her to his family and helped her in her first year. Before they knew they were best friends. He was her 'man of honor' in her wedding with Richard, walking her down the aisle too, and he started to see her as a little sister.

Haley had never been jealous of their friendship, thankfully. On the contrary, the two women became close friends too and Jack even called her Aunt Kate. Sean and Anna also had taken her very well, and she and her husband were frequently invited to family meetings, birthdays and holidays.

After three years working on DC in the Counterterrorism, right when Hotch joined the BAU, she was reassigned to the FBI's Office in Denver, Colorado. It hadn't been an easy change but they didn't lose contact. She tried to come for holidays and Jack's birthday every year and anytime that something happened he was her first call and she was his.

She was still happily married with Richard but, because of his military career, since 9/11 their marriage had been in a rough patch. He had spent two years in Afghanistan and then two more in Iraq and during all these years he had come to visit only in two Christmas, two anniversaries, his birthday, twice, and her birthday, once.

"I miss him so much, Aaron… I just want him to come back to me and never go away again…" She said resting her head on his shoulder.

"I know, sweetheart… I know…" He said caressing her hair. "Is he coming for Christmas next week?"

"Yeah… he's spending Christmas and New Year and then he's gone on January 2nd".

"I wish you could come back to DC… at least I wouldn't worry with you all alone in Colorado…" He said quietly.

"Well, that I can't do but the reason of my visit is something like that…" She said with a smile.

"What do you mean?"

"I got an offer to run the New York's Office…" She said.

"Are you serious? Kitty, that's great!" He exclaimed. New York wasn't DC but it was way much closer than Colorado.

"I know… I tried really hard to come to DC but NY was the closest I could get…" She said. "And Sean is there, so I'll have at least one Hotchner close to me if I need it…"

"That's true… I'll give him a call with directions…" He said and she laughed. "When do you move?"

"Right after New Year. I already found a place in Manhattan. It's a two bedroom apartment in a very good building. I'm just finishing the details with my real state agency…" She explained.

"Do you need help?"

"I could use your muscles to help me lifting some boxes… I'm finishing with the packing and I'm going to ship everything after New Year… I need to buy some furniture and other stuff too…"

"Just set the date and give me a call and I'll be there…" He said and she smiled.

"Thank you, Aaron…" She said opening another bottle. "Now explain to me… why didn't you tell me that you and Haley were divorcing and how the hell did that happen? I came to your house and this guy opened the door… Haley didn't want to tell me details but she said it was amicable…"

"She's right…" He nodded and leaned his back on the couch. "She met this James guy, a couple of months ago. He's her best friend's brother-in-law. They started talking and having lunches and according to her before they knew they fell in love. She says she never cheated and I believe in her. She was strange one night and when I asked what was wrong she told me everything. She said he had asked for a chance and she said no but deep down she wanted it… so, she asked for the divorce and there was nothing I could do…"

"And how do you feel?" She asked taking his hand.

"I feel good, Kitty. It wasn't anything hateful or hurtful. She just didn't love me anymore and we couldn't keep a marriage like that. Jack is not a child anymore. He understood our reasons and he seems to like James…" He explained and she nodded.

"Well, it's a shame… even though your marriage wasn't something so natural, because of the _circumstances_ , it's still a shame because you two spent so much time together…"

"Yeah… about those _circumstances_ , there's something else that I need to tell you…" He said evasively.

"What do you mean?" She asked with a frown.

"Emily's back…" He said quietly.

"What?" Her eyes widened.

"Emily's back… she's working at the Bureau. In my team. As my subordinate". He explained.

"You're shifting me!" She gasped.

"No…" He shook his head. "Ever since September…" He said and winced when she smacked his arm.

"And you didn't tell me?!"

"I'm sorry… honestly I'm still trying to believe myself…" He said.

"Well, at least there's Gideon between you two in the chain of command, right?"

He winced again. "Yeah, no… Gideon left. I'm the Unit Chief now…"

"That's it… I'm leaving". She said getting up. "You clearly don't need me anymore…"

"Stop, Kate…" He said tugging her down by her hand back to the couch.

"Aaron, you were promoted, you and your wife got a divorce _and_ the love of your life is back to your life and I just know that because I decided to make a surprise!" She exclaimed. "If I have a routine appointment you make me call you because you want to know if everything's okay!"

"I know, sweetheart… I'm sorry…" He said taking her hands. "I do need you, Kitty… you're my best friend, my little sister… it's just… it was so much, so many things happening at once… I didn't know how to tell because I couldn't even understand what was happening…" He tried to explain.

"Okay…" She nodded once. "I'm here now… tell me everything…" She said.

And so he did.

He told her about Emily's first day and how he freaked out when he saw her. He told her about how it was having to see her every day, how beautiful she still was, how strong and smart and what a great agent she had become. He told her about his birthday and how he had cried that night when he remembered her face when she saw his mom. He told her how he could see on her face how much he had hurt her. He told her about all the times he caught himself staring at her from his office's blinds while she worked on the bullpen. He told her how much his hands itched to touch her hair when she cut her bangs.

He told her everything and she listened, holding his hand.

"God, Aaron… this is insanity…" She breathed once he finished.

"Tell me about it…" He said quietly.

She looked at his teary eyes for a second and then frowned. "There's something more…" When he looked down and avoided her eyes she knew she was right. "What is it, Aaron?"

He sighed deeply before starting to tell her about the baby. He told her the whole story and his grip on her hand just tightened at each word. "She was all alone in another country, Kate. She had to go through all of that and it was all my fault. We should be together, with our son or daughter, and God knows how many more if it wasn't for that damn night…" He said with tears falling down his cheeks.

"Oh Aaron…" She breathed, trying to take everything in. "I am so sorry..." She said wiping his cheeks. "Did you two talk about it?"

"Just a little… I didn't want to hear her saying that I shouldn't blame myself, that it was okay, that she had forgiven me… I don't deserve her sympathy. _I_ killed our baby. _I_ made her take those pills… I did so much damage…" He said shaking his head. "She should hate me… it would be easier, you know. At least I would know that I'm being punished for my actions… but she treats me well… she's starting to be more comfortable. We joke, we laugh together. We were even remembering some things about when we started dating on this last case…" He said shaking his head.

"Aaron, you can't think like that. You can't wish to be punished. Don't you think that spending the last fifteen years living with guilty, regret and self-hate was enough punishment? You weren't happy, Aaron. You were happy to have Jack and you love him more than anything, I know that. You had your good times with Haley too, I also know that. But you can't tell me that you were really happy all this time. You can't tell me that you didn't think about Emily every single night before sleeping… you know that, Aaron…" She reasoned.

"I know… but what I went through is nothing compared with what she's gone through, Kate…"

"I know that too. She went through hell, probably. But, Aaron, why can't you think about that as a second chance?" When he started to shake his head she quickly added. "I'm not saying that you should try something with her again. I know you won't do that, not because you don't want it but because you're too scared of hurting her again… I'm saying as a second chance to be there for her, even if it's just as friends. A second chance for her to trust you and you to have her back…"

"Maybe…" He said quietly.

"I know it won't erase everything you did. It won't make her forget it. But maybe it could give you a second chance to regain her trust and don't disappoint her again…" She said.

He didn't answer her and just nodded. They finished their pizza and decided to watch a movie before going to bed. They laughed and joked and teased each other for hours and for the first time in the past few weeks Hotch felt light and warm. It was good to have some to talk without being afraid of being judged. And it was pretty damn nice to be able to be himself, truly and wholly, without worries and obligations with work or family.

 **A/N: Congrats, my dear Igor Blonsky! You got it right! Just two warnings before you guys start reviewing and PM'ing me like crazy, cursing me. First of all, yes, I do believe in friendship between a man and a woman without any second intentions. I do have male friends and I do call them petnames and hug them and kiss them (on the cheek!) and I do not want anything not even remotely romantic with them. It's possible. Second of all, no, Kate and Aaron WON'T have anything not even remotely romantic together. He loves Emily and she's married and they're relationship is completely platonic. So, she won't be a problem for him and Emily being together... at least not directly.**

 **Next chapter it's half ready and I'll try to post it tomorrow. Reviews are awesome and I love them. :)**


	19. Chapter 18

**A/N: Another chapter and we're reaching the breaking point of this fic. This chapter will be a bit of angst and, to fill a lot of requests, we'll finally give Emily some lovin'.**

 **I hope you guys like it. It's unbeta'd, so I apologize for any errors.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 18

It was Saturday evening and Emily, JJ and Garcia were having some drinks in their favorite bar. They had spent the whole day shopping and then had gone to Emily's to get ready for the night. They were joking and laughing when a waitress came with three new drinks and placed them in their table. "With the compliments of the gentlemen in the bar…" He said pointing to the three men sitting on the booths in front of the bar.

They waved at them and thanked the waitress before taking a sip of the drinks. "Well… it's good to be noticed, but…" JJ started.

"But you're too busy with your 'cousin' in New Orleans?" Penelope asked and laughed along with Emily when the blonde agent blushed.

"I don't know what you're talking about…" She mumbled while the other two continued laughing.

"Well, _I_ don't have anything serious but… Kevin and I went on a date last weekend…" Penelope said.

"Kevin? You mean Kevin Lynch? But Pen, why? I thought you and Morgan…" Emily started but the tech cut her.

"Morgan and I nothing. I'm his friend, his baby girl, but I'll never be more than that…" She said firmly.

"But you want to be?" JJ asked.

She stayed quiet for a few moments before sighing. "Of course I want to… but I can't keep fooling myself, JJ! I was _shot_. I almost died. And even so, he did nothing. Absolutely nothing. If he was really interested wouldn't he had done something? Shouldn't my shooting be some kind of wake-up call?" She asked rhetorically. "Well, maybe it wasn't for him, but it was for _me_. It made me see that I can't keep living my life waiting for something I'll never have. I need to stop pining around someone who'll never want me… Kevin is sweet and kind and he treats me well and he really sees me, you know. So, why not give him a chance?"

Before they could answer, the guys from the bar approached their table. "Excuse us… we just wanted to say hi…" A blonde tall man said. "I'm Jacob…" He said looking at Garcia. "These are my friends, Peter" he said pointing to a brunette who was smiling at JJ "and Graham". He pointed at the other brunette who was eyeing Emily.

"Well, hello guys… I'm Penelope. These two are my girlfriends, JJ and Emily…" Garcia introduced them.

"Thank you for the drinks, it was very kind…" JJ said with a polite smile.

"It was a pleasure. Would you like to dance, JJ?" Peter asked her.

"I'm sorry, but I'm kind of seeing someone, so…" She said apologetically.

"It's okay…" He nodded at her.

"What about you, Penelope?" Jacob asked.

"I'm sorry, but I'm also kind of seeing someone…" She said with a smile and he nodded regretfully. "But, my friend Emily here is completely single…" She finished and grinned at the glare Emily shot her.

"Well, what do you say, Emily? Just one dance?" Graham looked at her hopefully and she found herself nodding slowly.

"Okay… just one dance…" She repeated accepting his waiting hand and getting up from her booth. She ignored the girls' wicked smiles and followed him to the dance floor. He put one arm around her waist while his other hand held her up to his chest. She put her other hand on his shoulder and they danced slowly with the song, sneaking some glances but in silence most of the time.

"I would go with the lines of 'I'd never seen you here before' but the truth is that I had seen you here before but just had the courage to ask you to dance tonight… and I still think it was because Peter was drooling over your friend JJ and wanted some back-up…" He said with a chuckled and she smiled at him.

"Yeah, we like to come here every time we have the chance…" She said.

"Too much work?" He asked knowingly.

"You could say that…" She nodded.

"I understand… I'm an accountant. We're just preparing ourselves for the worse part of the year…" He said with a grimace and she chuckled. "What do you do?"

She hesitated a little. "I work for the Justice Department…"

"Oh, evasively. I get it, you're not supposed to talk about it… don't worry, I won't pry. I know better than piss off an armed woman…" He said and they chuckled.

Just as the song ended she saw JJ waving at her from the table and pointing to the phone. "Oh, I think I have to go… duty calls…" Emily said and he nodded, leading her back to the table.

"I'm sorry but we have to go…" JJ said with a sigh.

"So much for a weekend-off…" Emily groaned. "I'm sorry… it was a pleasure, though…" She said smiling at Graham.

"It was all mine…" He smiled back. When she was putting her coat he added quickly. "Do you think maybe we could meet for lunch? Someday, this week?"

She looked at his hopeful face and groaned inwardly. The guy was very handsome. He had a good hair, dark, well combed, his eyes had a slight shade of green and his smile was all perfect and white. He was tall, like two or three inches taller than her, physically fit without being too much buffy and he had a good wardrobe, apparently. He was dressed in a very well fitted pair of jeans and a green dress shirt with the first two buttons opened.

She wanted to tell him yes. She really did. But she couldn't ignore the stupid part of her that told her it would be wrong to go out with this man. Groaning inwardly at her stupidity she slowly shook her head with an apological smile, ignoring the gaping faces of her friends. "I don't think it's a good idea… I'm not in a good place right now and I don't want to give you the wrong impression…"

He nodded understanding but she could see the way his face fell. "It's okay… it was a pleasure either way…" He said with a sad smile and she chastised herself for being so dumb. He quickly grabbed his wallet and pulled a card. "Just in case, you know, if you change your mind…" He said handing the card to her. "Or you can just throw it away…" He added joking.

She took the card and put it on her purse. "Okay… thank you for the drink… and the dance". She smiled at him and waved before following her friends outside.

"Emily Prentiss, what the hell is wrong with you?! He was so hot and he was all over your feet and you blew him off like that?!" Penelope asked incredulously.

"I'm not in a place for dating, Garcia…" She tried to argue but JJ cut her.

"Why Emily? You're not seeing anyone, you're in a very stable job and of course the hours are crazy but that won't change… it's because of Hotch? Because he's not married anymore?" She asked bluntly and Emily's eyes widened.

"Of course not! I don't care if he's married or not. Nothing will happen between us. I don't trust him. I can't trust him again…" She said firmly.

"Then why can't you give a chance to find someone who could be good to you?" Penelope asked and she couldn't answer.

"Let's just head to work, okay?" She said dismissively and the two women sighed resignedly.

They got into the car, JJ at the driver's seat, Emily at the passenger's and Garcia in the back. "Can you call Hotch for me? Put it on speaker? I don't like speaking on the phone while driving…" JJ said handing Emily her phone.

She dialed his number and pressed the speaker button. He answered after the third ring. " _Hotchner_ ".

Before JJ could say anything, though, they heard another voice. _"I won!"_ The woman had a heavy British accent and the three women in the car frowned.

 _"_ _You sneaky little shit! You're cheating!"_ That was Hotch's very un-like response.

 _"_ _Am not! Face it, Aaron, you suck at poker!"_ The woman replied chuckling.

 _"_ _Shut up! I'm sorry JJ, what is it?"_ Hotch asked and it took a few seconds for JJ manage to answer.

"Oh, I'm sorry, Hotch. We have a case. Missing child. There's no other team available…" She explained and heard him sigh.

 _"_ _Damn…"_ He murmured quietly. _"Okay JJ. Call everyone in. I'll be there soon…"_

 _"_ _No! A case? You're kidding me?"_ They heard the woman whispering at him.

"Okay Hotch, see you soon…" JJ said as if she hadn't heard anything.

 _"_ _Bye JJ…"_ He said and they could hear him apologizing with the woman before he hung up.

The silence filled the car as the three agents looked at the phone with astonished looks. "Well… aren't you mad for not accepting Graham's offer now?" Garcia asked Emily after a few seconds.

She didn't acknowledge the question neither gave it an answer. She simply looked at the window and ignored her friends, trying to breathe over the building ache on her chest. Was he really _already_ seeing someone? He was only divorced for a little over a month! Granted, Haley was already with another man too but… it shouldn't hurt so much, should it?

But it did. Oh god, it did. She remembered the phone call on the plane and cursed her guts for being right once more. It was a female friend. And it was someone important.

She closed her eyes and sighed. She was mad for not accepting Graham's offer. She should have given a chance. She should give herself a chance of being happy. She shouldn't be pining over a man who had caused so much pain. She wasn't a masochist. He was clearly very well, even after his divorce.

She deserved to be well too.

She remembered of the card on her purse and smiled slightly. She would give it a chance, as soon as she got back from this case.

\\*\\*\\*\

The team had arrived in Delaware later that same night, having chosen to do the briefing on the plane since the child had been missing for three hours already and the clock was running against them. They spent the whole night going through the information the local PD had gotten, visiting the abduction local and talking to the family. They had narrowed the suspect pool and Garcia was digging into the relatives' lives to see if they could find a lead.

Morgan, Hotch and Emily were driving towards the family house to ask another few questions when Hotch's phone rang. "Hotchner". Emily could see the slight curve of his lips from the backseat and knew it wasn't a work call. "Okay… I'm really sorry I had to leave". He said to the caller. "No, no, keep the key. I'll take another copy later to put it on the vase…" Wow. He was giving her a key? The ache was coming back and Emily chastised herself again for being so stupid. "Have a nice flight and call me as soon as you land, okay?" A short pause. "Give Richard a hug for me and tell him to be careful…" Another short pause and a chuckle. "Okay, as soon as you set the date give me a call so I can book a flight and take some time off. This time I promise I won't leave…" Another pause. "Bye, Kitty. See you soon…" He said and hung up.

"The case interrupted some plans, uh?" Morgan asked with a hint of amusement.

"Something like that…" He said evasively just as they pulled in front of the house.

Emily opened the door and got out of the car in silence, choosing to ignore the whole conversation. It was hard but, like Garcia said, it was the wake-up call she needed. As if the last fifteen years hadn't been enough.

\\*\\*\\*\

Emily looked at the card in her hand and sighed. After two days they had finally found the little girl and caught the unsub and now they were on their way back home. She was sat at the end of the plane deciding if she should make the phone call or not. She saw Aaron getting up from his seat and going towards the kitchen to grab a bottle of water. After the phone call in the car she hadn't seen him talking on the phone with the woman during the case but she caught him texting someone with a slight smile on his face.

She looked at the card again and knew she was being absolutely ridiculous. Hadn't she promised herself that she wouldn't let him interfere in her life anymore? Hadn't she promised herself she wouldn't open her heart and her head to him ever again? Then why in the hell was she still having doubts?

She made up her mind and dialed the number and waited for him to pick-up.

 _"_ _Graham Hayes"_. He greeted her after the second ring.

"Hi, uh… this is Emily. You know, from the bar?" She stammered.

There was a small pause before he answered again. _"Emily! Hi! I honestly wasn't expecting your call…"_ He said.

"Yeah, I know… I'm sorry about that day… I was in a mood, apparently… I'm glad you gave me your card, though…" She said with an apologetic voice.

 _"_ _I'm really glad too…"_ He said and she could hear the smile on his voice.

"So… I would have called sooner but I was working on a case out of state and I'm just on my way back now… do you think we can have that lunch sometime this week?" She asked hesitantly but he answered quickly.

 _"_ _Of course… of course we can… which day is better for you?"_ He asked.

"Well, we're having a time-off because of Christmas this Wednesday and because we had to work on this weekend so I'm actually free the whole week…" She answered.

 _"_ _Then we could meet on Thursday? I'll be working but I can take a long lunch… There's a small restaurant near my office that's really good… I could send you the address…"_ He offered and she found herself nodding.

"That'd be fine. We could meet at noon?"

 _"_ _It's a date. I'll send you the directions soon, okay?"_

"Okay. I'll be waiting…" She said with a smile.

 _"_ _Okay then… thanks for calling, Emily…"_ He said.

"Thanks for accepting my apologies…" She said back. They quickly said their goodbyes and she hang up. Looking at the sunset through the plane's window she smiled at herself. She deserved that. And she would enjoy it.

 **A/N: Ohh, the misunderstandings of life... but Emily deserves a little something and Aaron deserves to suffer just a little bit. But just a little bit because much more I can't handle :( 3**

 **The next chapter will be up soon. Do you guys want to see her date or should I just skip it? And how do you guys think Aaron should find out about Graham?**

 **We'll see Morgan finding out about Garcia and Kevin on the next one too!**

 **Reviews are awesome and I love them.**


	20. Chapter 19

**A/N: Hey guys! So sorry I didn't post this sooner. I was out of town (again!) and I gave myself couple of days off for just fun. But here I am and with a new chapter for you :)**

 **I'd just like to thank you all for your reviews... they made me really happy and proud and I love it.**

 **I'm sorry if some of you may be thinking that I'm taking too long to put them together but I do have a time-line for this ever since I started writing and I will keep following, sorry.**

 **Here is the nineteenth chapter and I hope you guys like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 19

It was the first week of January and the office was really quiet. The team was only working on small consults and local cases and leaving the office by five every day, for a change. Emily was finishing her last report when she heard the beep of her personal cellphone, alerting for a new text.

 _Hi, Emily. I was thinking, would you like to have dinner with me this Sunday? We could take a walk afterwards…_ The text said. The date with Graham the week before New Year had been quite enjoyable. They met at a small dinner near his office and it was a really good place, with good food and good service. They talked for a couple of hours and she really enjoyed herself in his company. They talked a little bit about work and she told him what she did and how it was with her hours and he seemed at lot understandable.

He said his job was more like a 9/5 job, except from part of the first semester of the year. They found out that they lived close, just a handful of blocks between their buildings. He talked a little about his family and he said he had a little sister and his mother had passed away two years before. She told him she was an only child and still had both parents but they spent the majority of their time overseas because of work.

They hadn't met again after that because he had gone to Maryland to spend New Year with his family, but he had called her twice and they exchanged texts a few times. She hadn't told the girls about the date yet because she didn't want to rise their expectations and even less hear their obvious teasing about it but she had a good feeling about him and thought that maybe he was exactly what she needed at the moment. Someone sweet, who obviously cared about her and mostly made her feel good and easy about herself.

 _I'd like that very much. Should I meet you at the restaurant?_ She typed back.

His answer was quick. _If you don't have a problem with it, I'd like to pick you up this time. Just need the full address._

She smiled a little at his response and quickly typed a yes, followed by her address. He answered thanking her for the trust and saying that he would pick her at seven on Sunday night. She answered with a simple okay and resumed herself to finish her report and go home. It was a Friday afternoon and she hoped the team wouldn't be called away during the weekend to not spoil her plans.

She raised her head at the sound of a closing door and saw Derek leaving Hotch's office and coming back to his desk. "Is everything okay?" She asked him. The leader profiler had called him to his office almost an hour ago and he was up there ever since.

"Yeah, he wanted to review some cases with me and ask me to stay on call this weekend. He's going out of town tonight and will be out until Sunday night, apparently. He said that if it's a local case we should see if we can handle without him and if it's a outstate call I should call him and he would meet us there…" He explained at she nodded.

The memory of his phone call in the car on that case a couple of weeks ago came to her head and she assumed he would go to meet the mysterious British woman where the hell she was and once more she was glad for her decision to call Graham.

"Well, I don't know about you but I'm out of here. I'm going to see if my baby girl wants to have a movie night. It's been a while…" He said smiling. Ever since her shooting they hadn't had a movie night together. He had spent the Christmas week in Chicago with his mom and sisters and ever since he got back he had spent a lot of time working through some cases with Hotch in his training as the second in charge, so he had neglected her a little bit, but tonight he was going to make it up to her. He had planned a nice dinner followed by a good movie and some cuddles, just the way they liked it.

"I think she said something about a date with Kevin tonight…" Emily told him and he snapped his head up to her and dropped his coat on the floor.

"I'm sorry?" He choked out. A date? With Kevin? Since when she was having dates with Kevin? How in the hell didn't he know about this?

Emily saw the shock and the hurt on his face and winced inwardly at her big mouth. "I'm sorry, I thought you knew…" She said with an apologetic tone.

"How long is this going on?" He asked.

"A few weeks… he asked her out soon after Bayle…" Emily said and saw the hurt increasing in his eyes. "I am really sorry, Derek…" She said again and he just shook his head and walked away towards the tech's lair. Emily shook her head and smiled sadly. She knew she was right. She knew her partner felt something for their technical analyst. She couldn't understand why he hadn't said anything sooner, though. Or at least after the shooting… she just hoped it wasn't too late.

\\*\\*\\*\

He knocked loudly on her office's door and barged in without waiting for an answer. She turned around quickly and smiled at him. "Oh, hey hot-stuff…"

"Care to tell why didn't I know about you and Lynch?" He asked bluntly, trying very hard to control his anger.

"Who told you about that?" She asked with wide eyes.

"It doesn't matter, Penelope! What matters is that you and that… geek jerk are having dates for the last three weeks and you didn't have the decency to tell me!" He said frustrated.

"Hey, now wait a minute! I didn't know I had to report everything that happened in my life to you!" She argued.

"And you don't! But I used to think that I was your _best friend_ and best friends tell each other things like these! Why didn't you tell me, Penelope?" He asked in a more resigned tone. "Why didn't you think it was important to tell me something like this? Why to hide it from me?"

She fidgeted with her skirt and avoided his eyes, struggling to answer him. "I-I was going to tell you…"

"When? When he asked you to move in with him? When he proposed? Would I even get an invitation?" He asked dryly.

"Hey, proposal, invitation? Are you crazy? We're just going out, having fun… it's nothing like that yet…" She argued.

It was the _yet_ that crushed him. "Why are you doing this, Penelope? Why are you going out with him?" He asked quietly.

"Because I deserve it! I deserve to be with someone who likes me… I deserve it to be spoiled and pampered and taken cared, Derek! He's good to me. We have a lot in common, he's just as geek as I am, I can actually handle a conversation with him without feeling inadequate or weird and I like it! He makes me laugh, he makes me feel good about myself and maybe he's exactly what I need. We make sense together. It's natural and it's good and I like it…" She told him pointedly and at each word he felt his heart breaking, piece by little piece. She listed to him all his deepest insecurities about the two of them… how he was afraid to not being enough for her, to not making her happy, to not making her feel good and how he was scared that she would prefer someone more like her, smarter, funnier and with more things in common.

As he listened to her talking, he realized how he was being selfish about his feelings. He said he would woo her and he would do his best to be with her but maybe he wasn't what she needed. And as she told him how this tech guy made her feel good and happy he noticed that he wouldn't ever be able to make her feel like this.

He was too shattered. He had nightmares on regular basis. He had a dark past that hunted him until nowadays. He had serious trust issues. He had a bad reputation. He had so many flaws that it would be really sinful to try to corrupt her beautiful self with his brokenness.

So he did his best to smile at her, hoping she wouldn't see the tears in his eyes and nodded. "I get it… if he makes you happy, then I'm happy for you, Penelope". He said and it was the hardest thing he ever had to do. "I'm going to go, then. See you Monday…" He said quietly and rushed out of her lair quickly, knowing that he wouldn't be able to keep his façade for too long.

As she watched him leaving her office she sighed sadly. _I'm happy for you_. His words echoed in her head and she fought against the ache they caused in her chest. She had had the foolish hope that he would fight for her and ask her to leave Kevin for him. But he didn't. He was happy for her.

"Are you ready, Pen?" She was startled by Kevin's voice as he popped his head inside her office with a smile. As she nodded at him with a more forced smile she chastised herself for her stupidity. He didn't care for her like that and she should've known better that have hoped that he would. She took Kevin's hand and turned off the lights before closing the door. It didn't matter. She was happy right now and she knew that this man by her side was exactly what she needed and deserved.

\\*\\*\\*\

"So, did you like New York?" Hotch asked Jack as they were driving towards their favorite pizza place. He had taken the boy with him to help with Kate's moving and they had spent the weekend with her. Thankfully, the team hadn't been called in so he managed to stay the whole weekend focused on them without interruptions. Jack had been infatuated with the city and Kate made sure to go sightseeing with him, visiting the most famous monuments and places.

"I did! It's really cool. And Aunt Kate's place is very nice…" He said smiling.

"It is… did you like your room?" He asked with a grin. Kate had surprised him with a room especially for his son. The place was very well located and the building had a good security, making him feel more relieved. The apartment had a nice front hall followed by a nice-sized living room with a big glassy window that had an awesome view. The kitchen was good too and very well equipped. It had two bedrooms and a big home office, which was remolded to be Jack's room. The master bedroom was really big and it had a huge walk-in closet and a master bathroom equipped with a bathtub and shower and two sinks.

"It was awesome! I can't believe I have my own room… Aunt Kate is the best!" The boy cheered.

"For the love of God, don't say that in front of your Aunt Jessica". Hotch pleaded and they both chuckled. He stopped on the red-light and looked through the window when a movement caught his attention. He frowned a little before recognition caught him and he felt his heart shattering. There, in front of the restaurant across the street, was Emily and another man, locked together in a kiss. He heard the honk of the car behind him and saw that the light had turned green and forced himself to focus on the road again.

He felt his eyes watering and blinked a few times, taking a couple of deep breaths and trying to process what he had seen. It was unmistakable. He knew it was her. He would recognize her anywhere. He was trying to remember if he had heard anything about a boyfriend in the office but couldn't recollect. Probably it was something new but even so, the sight of her kissing another man was something he knew he would never forget.

He knew it was hypocritical of him to be bothered about it because he didn't have any right to be mad or jealous or even hurt if she started seeing someone. He had lost this right a very long time ago and part of him knew that she had every right to be happy and loved and that part of him wanted to be happy for her.

But the other part of him, that big part, that part that remind him daily that he was still insanely crazy about her, that part of him couldn't be happy. He couldn't be happy because it was too hard and it hurt too much to see her with another person.

That selfish part of him didn't want her to be with anyone else but _him_ , even though he knew that that could never happen again.

"I'm sorry, dad…" He heard Jack saying quietly and looked at his son with a frown. One look at him made him realize that his son knew exactly what he had seen and why he was so bothered and affected. He trying to give him a reassuring smile and a nod, whispering that everything was okay but it wasn't. Nothing was okay and nothing would ever be okay again. And it was his entirely fault.

 **A/N: Ohh, he saw them! And I'm heartbroken :( Well, I decided to not put the date with Graham per se, so I just talked a little about it in Emily's POV. And I didn't think I would be nice to make him see it in the first date either. But here it is, he knows and now he'll suffer with regret and a biit of jealousy. And Morgan also knows, and I'm even more heartbroken. It wasn't a good chapter for our g-men, right? *pout* But things will get better soon. We still have a handful chapters here, plus an Epilogue.**

 **I love reviews, please tell me what you think!**


	21. Chapter 20

**A/N: Hello again! Thank you guys so much for your reviews! I couldn't answer them all but I really appreciate it.**

 **Here is another chapter and it's pretty big. We're reaching the breaking point. Things will be a little bit tense from now on for both couples. I hope you guys like it :)**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 20

January passed, it came February and things at the BAU were a little bit… tense. Ever since that night when Hotch saw Emily with another man, whom he now knew as Graham, her boyfriend, he had distanced himself from the brunette. He wasn't rude. On the contrary, he was still very polite and continued to treat her well and even bring her chocolates or coffee sometimes during cases.

If she fell asleep on the jet in an uncomfortable position he made sure to arrange her rightly and to put a blanket on top of her. If she was injured at the field, something minor or something big, he was always concerned and asking if she was okay or if she needed anything. He made sure to listen to her anytime she brought some contribution to a profile or had some new ideas or leads or anything valuable on a case.

He had even been polite with Graham when she brought him to a club night with the team and even though his heart was completely broken inside he would wear a smile and keep a conversation with them as if he was absolutely fine with it.

But every time the girls would start talking about a date she had or a present he got for her or anything even remotely related to her relationship he would smoothly excuse himself and leave, not wanting to hear anything about it. He would avoid passing any time out of work with her too, avoiding dinner's invitations of the team and locking himself in his office more often.

Emily, of course, had noticed it. She noticed that he didn't come to the breaking room anymore as often as he used to and anytime Morgan or Dave asked him to go eat something or have a drink after work and he saw she was included in the plans he would politely refuse the offer. She had seen the look on his face when the girls found out about Graham and started to ask how he was and other more private things.

 _"_ _I can't believe you didn't tell us!" Garcia cried out. "When did you call him? How many dates have you been with him? Did he kiss you yet? Did you two_ do _it yet?" She asked quickly and Emily could see Hotch shifting in his seat uncomfortably. Garcia noticed too and quickly snapped a hand on her mouth. "I'm sorry, sir…" They were on the jet on their way home from a case and Garcia had seen a text from him on her cellphone and had gone nuts about it._

 _He shook his head and focused on his file. "I already know about Emily's boyfriend, Garcia…" He said quietly._

 _Emily frowned. "How do you know? I didn't tell anyone…"_

 _"_ _I saw you two kissing in front of a restaurant when I was going to eat some pizza with Jack…" He answered her and then turned his head to Garcia. "And I just answered one of your questions, I suppose…"_

He had gone to the small kitchen after that and then changed seats, going to the farthest chair from them. Ever since then she had noticed his looks every time Graham was mentioned and she honestly didn't know how to feel about it.

A part of her couldn't help but feel good because he was uncomfortable about it. It showed that he still cared and that he still felt something towards her. It made her feel good, knowing that she still held some kind of influence in his mind… maybe even in his heart. This part of her relished the little gestures he made every day, every time he remembered how she liked her coffee or every time she woke up with a blanket in the jet, knowing it had been him that had noticed her shivering. It made her feel important and desired and she liked that.

But the other part of her, the part that constantly reminded her about how much she had suffered because of him, that part felt angry at him for acting like that because he didn't have the right to feel anything about it, he didn't have the right to feel uncomfortable or bothered or even hurt about it because she deserved to be happy and she deserved to be with someone nice and sweet to her.

This part of her hated every time he was kind and sweet with her because it just reminded her of who he was in the past and when she fell in love with him and she knew that that man didn't exist anymore, he couldn't exist anymore because he had hurt her too much to be like that.

She had also noticed that he hadn't made any phone calls to that woman anymore and she had to admit that she was curious to know that had happened. By the amount of late nights he spent at the office she knew it was very unlikely that he had someone to go home with. His last phone call and that weekend away also made her think that the woman didn't live in Virginia, or at least not in Quantico, and she couldn't see how a long-distance relationship could work in a job like theirs.

Graham lived five blocks from her place and if she saw him twice a week it was too much. Not that she cared too much either. She liked him, she really did. He was nice and funny and he was a great kisser, she had to admit, but she couldn't open herself completely to him, no matter how much she tried and that frustrated the hell out of her.

They were together for six weeks, almost seven, and they hadn't slept together yet. Of course their jobs helped. When he was free she was out of town and when she was at home he had late nights at the office. Until now he hadn't seemed to care about their lack of contact and she couldn't help but think until when he would be like that.

Things between Morgan and Garcia weren't good either. Since he found out about her relationship with Kevin he had stopped almost completely their daily flirts and he didn't stop by her lair every day anymore or went to see her every time they got back from a case. The team had noticed the lack of endearments between them, mostly by his part. He only called her Penelope or Garcia and sometimes a sweetheart or baby girl would slip but every time it did they could see that it had a bitter taste on his lips.

He wasn't rude with her, whatsoever. He was still protective and caring and he still opened the door to her or smiled at her, even though it wasn't as bright as it used to be.

The most blunt change was his lack of clubbing, even when the team went out. He'd still go but he usually would stay at the table all the time, drinking and looking at the dancefloor and every time a woman tried to take him for a dance he would politely refuse and stay focused on his drinks. He would leave early too, usually using Reid being his lift as an excuse, even when the young doctor wanted to stay a little bit more.

They could all see the dark marks under his eyes and how his posture had changed to a more defeated and resigned form and his usually happy and flirty self was replaced by a more somber and sad person, and it was starting to concern his friends. Garcia had opted to pretend she didn't notice the change and to act as if it wasn't affecting her.

But the truth was that it was killing her inside. She missed her friend, her best friend. She missed her partner, her confident, her soulmate. She missed their jokes, their flirts, their secrets, their movie nights, their phone calls, she missed everything. She missed having him near, she missed his smell, she missed his hugs and his kisses every time she needed some comfort.

Kevin, of course, had noticed her sadness and had confronted her a few times about it but she'd always blow him off. She'd smile at him a say that everything was fine and she was just tired after a long case but the truth was that she was dying inside for not having his visits every time the team was back and every time the case had been hard.

The air was so heavy between them that it was starting to affect the team's interaction and Hotch felt the need to intervene. During a case in Connecticut, the dark-skinned profiler and the technical analyst had had a little disagreement during a phone call and he had hung up on her for the first time ever since they met. The problem was that Garcia had found a lead connecting the three last victims and wasn't managing to get a hold on Hotch, so she called Morgan during the night. The profiler had ignored her calls, thinking she wanted to talk about earlier and they lost a valuable time on the case because of that.

After they managed to track the unsub and do the arrest, Hotch took Morgan to another room at the precinct to have a talk about the incident. "Can you explain to me what the hell happened today, Morgan?" Hotch asked bluntly.

"I'm sorry Hotch. I know it was irresponsible of me to not answer her call but I didn't think it was something about the case… I thought she wanted to talk about yesterday. I wasn't expecting her to call me about something like that, she has to call you, not me…" He tried to justify but Hotch wasn't having any of that.

"Oh no, you don't try to put this on her because it was not her fault, Morgan. She can call you about something like this because you _are_ my second in command and she has to follow the procedure if she can't get a hold on me… what if I have to stay away for a while? How do you expect to do your job if you can't even talk to one of our most valuable resources during a case?" He asked.

Emily approached the room to call for Hotch because one of the deputies wanted to talk to him and listened to their talk. "I know, man… I'm sorry…" Morgan said quietly.

"Look, Morgan. I tried to stay out of this as much as I could but this is starting to affect your job and I can't stand it anymore. I don't know what happened between you and Penelope but I know that this can't continue like this…" Hotch said firmly but more softly.

"Nothing happened, Hotch. Everything's fine…" Morgan evaded and Hotch shook his head sadly.

"It's not, Morgan. I'm not stupid. None of us are… we all noticed the way you distanced yourself after she started seeing that other tech guy…" Hotch said and saw Morgan's posture stiffen. "Look, I know very well how it is to see someone you love that much building a new life without you, with another person… I know it hurts like hell and I know that having this person close to you every single day just make this worse but you have to learn to separate things. It's not easy, but you have to…"

"You're not talking about Haley, are you?" Morgan asked knowingly and Hotch smiled sadly.

"What do you think?" He asked rhetorically. "Did you even try to tell her how you feel?" He asked.

"I did… after her shooting. I told her I loved her and not even two weeks later she started seeing this guy…" He said defeated.

"And you just gave up?" Hotch asked. "Didn't you even try to fight for her? Is she not worth it?"

"Of course she's worth it, Hotch!" He said quickly. "I'm the one who's not worth it of her… she's happy… she needs someone like her, that likes the same things she does… I'm too damaged for her, man… she deserves better…"

"She's happy? Haven't you seen her lately? She's not happy, Morgan. She's all glum and sad and we all know it's because she misses you!" Hotch argued.

Morgan looked down and shook his head. "I promise I'll talk to her when we get back… I'll try to get closer again and I promise I won't let my feelings cloud my judgment again…"

Hotch nodded quietly but didn't respond. When Morgan was turning around to leave he called him quietly. "Morgan…" The younger profiler looked at him again. "Trust me when I say that this pain you're feeling won't go away until you make things right… a love like this, when you feel like you can't breathe if that person isn't around or when you feel like you can't be happy unless it's with her… this type of love only happens once in life and trust me, you may think that you'll forget someday and be happy with someone else, but you won't. You'll never find someone as good as her or someone who makes you feel as happy as she does. You'll feel this emptiness inside you forever… nothing and no one will ever be able to make you feel whole again…" Hotch said quietly while Emily listened to his speech with watery eyes.

"It's been fifteen years, man…" Morgan breathed heavily looking at the broken man in front of him.

"And it will pass another fifteen and I'll still love Emily like it was the first time…" Hotch said.

They were in silence for a few moments and Emily wiped her damp cheeks, sniffing quietly outside the room.

"Why don't _you_ try something, man?" Morgan asked.

"I can't, Derek…" Hotch said shaking his head. "It would be too selfish of me to do this to her… I broke her, Derek. I did so much damage and I made her suffer so much… I made her lose our baby… she will never forgive or trust me again and I can't ask her to do that…" He said softly. "She's happy with that Graham guy and the only thing I can do is hope that he will treat her right and make her as happy as she deserves… the way I wasn't capable of…"

Emily walked away towards the bathroom and closed the door behind her quietly. Listening to him saying those things, having the proof right from his lips that he still loved her after all these years was something she wasn't prepared for. She fought with herself to not let it affect her, denying that it had made her feel things she hadn't felt in a very long time… but she couldn't.

His words were straight to her heart and it had wrecked all the walls she had built to protect herself from him. She looked herself to the mirror and cursed him for the truthiness of his words. She felt the exactly same way. No man in this world could ever replace him and she knew that she would never find someone who would be able to make her feel the things Aaron did.

It would never be enough.

It would never make her feel whole.

She just had to figure if it was still worth it. If she would rather be safe and with someone who hadn't hurt her so much or if she would rather risk her heart again for the chance of being happy. Truly and completely happy.

But, of course, things were never easy. And sometimes the fears and pride spoke louder. Even louder then love.

\\*\\*\\*\

The jet was absolutely quiet on the flight back home. Reid and JJ were sleeping, Rossi was reading a book, Morgan was listening to music and Hotch and Emily were working on their files across from each other. Emily was trying to focus on her task but she couldn't forget the talk between Aaron and Morgan. His words of love echoed through her head and she couldn't avoid sneaking some looks at him while he was working.

Her thoughts were interrupted by the ring of his phone and she saw him smiling at the caller ID. "Hey…" He greeted the other person quietly. Great, by the look on his face she could see it was the woman. Suddenly, all the reasons she had to avoid him and not trust him were back with full force and she could barely bit back a huff of annoyance at her naivety.

She saw his brow furrowing with worry as he listened the caller. "Calm down, Kitty, I can't understand you… what happened, are you hurt?" He asked worriedly to the point of panic. After a few seconds she saw his eyes widening and then closing and he sighed. "Oh my god, sweetheart… are you sure?" He asked and she forced herself to not be affected by the endearment. Aaron didn't use endearments with anybody. "Kitty, you need to calm down… don't cry…" He pleaded. "Look, I'm on my way home, just fifteen minutes from landing. I'll book a flight right now and I'll be there with you in a couple of hours, okay?" He said quickly. "Sweetheart, don't cry. Everything'll be fine… we'll take care of everything, okay? You are _not_ alone, Kate. I'm here, as always…" He said firmly. "Okay. Stay calm and wait for me. I'm coming, okay? Order us some food and we'll talk about everything…" He said and ended the phone call.

He didn't look at her, not even once, and just dialed another number. "Penelope, I need you to book a flight for me to New York…" He said quickly. "Tonight, as soon as we land. I just need fifteen minutes to go home repack my bag. I don't care how much, just use my credit card. You still have the info, right?" He asked, knowing that she had used his card to by a present for Morgan on their Secret Santa, two years ago. "Thank you. Just sent the details to my phone. I'll go straight from the tarmac…" He said and hung up again.

She then saw him getting up and going towards Morgan, probably asking for him to cover him for a couple of days. He was like a man in mission. His posture was determined but his eyes held a slight of panic and fear that made her think that whatever had happened with this _Kate_ was something big.

 _Kate._

Now she had a name to the voice and she didn't know if it was good or bad. His voice calling her _sweetheart_ rang on her ears and she had to shiver at the sickness in her stomach.

He had _just_ confessed his undying love for her to Morgan and now was calling this British woman his sweetheart.

She was a fool for even thinking about the possibility of giving him a second chance.

She had a very good man with her now. And it was with him that she needed to stay. She just had to convince her heart of that.

 **A/N: Wow. What do you guys think it happened with Kate? Let's see who'll guess this time.**

 **Next chapter will be up tomorrow. Reviews are awesome and I love them!**


	22. Chapter 21

**A/N: Hey everyone! As promised, here is the new chapter.**

 **And... we've reached TWO HUNDRED REVIEWS! I think I'm dying... Seriously, thank you all so much for the reviews. I absolutely loved them and you guys have no idea of how much they made my day.**

 **I'd like to say that one of you guessed right what happened to Kate :)**

 **At the end of this chapter you'll see that we'll touch into Demonology (4x17). Just to clarify, I won't skip Lo-Fi and Mayhem. I'm just changing the timeline of the episodes to fit in my plans...**

 **I hope you guys like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 21

Hotch opened the door of Kate's apartment with his key later that night and instantly heard his friend sniffing and sobbing softly in the living room. He sighed and dropped his go-bag and keys by the door and walked towards her. She was curled up on the couch, hugging one of the pillows like a lifeline and sobbing quietly. He noticed that she was wearing one of Richard's shirts and boxers and sighed again.

"Hey, Kitty…" He greeted her quietly and she quickly turned her head to him. Her eyes and her nose were puffy and red and he could see the lines of her make up mixed with her tears on her cheek. "Oh, sweetheart…" He sighed and knelt down in front of her, taking her into his arms, wincing when she broke into hard sobs with her face buried on his neck.

"What am I going to do, Aaron?" She asked between sobs and he just shushed her quietly, arranging himself so he was sitting on the couch with her on his lap.

It took a few minutes for her to calm down and pull back. He wiped her tears and straightened her hair before talking. "Okay… first things first… are you completely sure?" He asked.

"Yes! I took _eight_ tests, Aaron! I'm throwing up every single morning and I can't stand the smell of coffee and I'm all sensitive and… oh God, Aaron…" She sobbed. "This wasn't supposed to be like this…" She shook her head.

"Ssh… it's okay, Kitty… it's okay…" He calmed her. "All right, then first thing in the morning you'll call a doctor and make an appointment and we'll go see if everything's okay with the baby…" He told her and she nodded. "Second of all… do you have any way of contact Richard quickly?" He asked and saw her face contorting and another sob coming from her lips.

" _No…_ " She cried. "I called his commandant and he said his squad is in a mission right now and it might take a couple of months and he can't contact him unless is a death of a close relative…" She explained and he sighed. "How am I supposed to wait a couple of months, Aaron? He has to be here! How can I deal with this alone? What am I going to do about my job? I can't do this alone, Aaron, I can't!" She cried helplessly.

"Sweetheart, you are _not_ alone! I am here and we'll take care of everything together, do you understand me?" He said cupping her cheeks. "We'll go to the doctor tomorrow and then we'll start planning everything… it'll be all okay… I'm here…" He said kissing her forehead.

"He won't be able to come for the baby's birth… they won't let him… he already came this year, they won't let him come… he won't be here to see our baby, Aaron…" She whispered painfully. "I want him here… why can't he come back home with me?" She sobbed again on his neck.

They stayed on the couch for a while and she cried herself to sleep in his lap. He carried her to her bedroom and put her on the bed, wiping her stain cheeks and covering her with a blanket before leaving. While he closed the apartment and made sure that everything was locked and safe before going to the guest room he thought about the hard time his sister would go through. It wouldn't be easy to go through a pregnancy without Richard there to be with her but he wouldn't let her alone.

\\*\\*\\*\

The next morning, Kate made an appointment for noon and Hotch took her after they went out for a late breakfast. He could see that she was nervous and when the nurse called her name he squeezed her hand supportively and followed her to the doctor's office. Dr. Cameron was blonde woman, probably on her late forties, with a very kind smile and warm eyes. "Mrs. Joyner, it's nice to meet you…" She said shaking her hand. "You must to be Mr. Joyner…" She asked looking at Hotch.

"Oh, no…" Kate shook her head chuckling. "This is my brother… my husband is overseas at the moment…" She explained and the doctor nodded.

"Aaron Hotchner… nice to meet you, Dr. Cameron…" Hotch introduced himself shaking her hand.

"Likewise, Mr. Hotchner. Well, please have a seat". She said gesturing to the chairs. "I see here that you took a pharmacy test…" The doctor said looking at her file.

"More like eight of them…" Kate chuckled nervously.

"Wow… then you must definitely have a little you in there…" She joked. "Well, I see that you filled our form but I need to confirm some things and then we'll take some blood to do some tests and do an intravaginal scan, since you're still too early to do it on your belly…" She said and then looked between her and Hotch. "It's kind of invasive… are you sure you want your brother to stay here?" She asked hesitantly.

"Yes…" Kate said quickly. "Please, don't leave me alone…" She looked at Hotch with big green eyes.

"I'm not going anywhere, sweetheart…" He said kissing her hand. "The things I do for you, though…" He joked shaking his head and she chuckled.

The doctor then started to ask things about her routine, her cycle, her eating habits, asking if she was feeling ill often and how it was her morning sickness and other things concerned to the baby's healthy. The nurse came in to take her blood and measure her blood pressure before the doctor asked her to change into the hospital gown to do the scan.

She got into the exam chair and Hotch sat by her head, holding her hand the whole time. The doctor started the exam and before they knew they were looking at the little blur at the screen. "Okay, and here is baby Joyner…" The doctor said pointing to the screen.

Kate squeezed Hotch's hand tightly and cried looking at her little baby. She asked the doctor if everything was okay and heard her talking about the measure of the fetus without taking her eyes from the screen. "You're just finishing your sixth week, Mrs. Joyner…" The doctor said. Kate asked for three copies of the picture of the baby and the doctor printed it. She changed back to her clothes and they went back to the doctor's office.

The nurse came in with the results of her tests and handed them to the doctor, who frowned. "Is everything okay?" Hotch asked warily.

"Mostly, yes… I'm just a little concerned about your blood pressure, Mrs. Joyner. It's a little high and I'd advise you to avoid any stress and worries, otherwise it must affect your baby's healthy…" She said.

"What about my job? I can't just stay at home… especially not now…" Kate asked worriedly.

"I suggest you to take it easy. Avoid the field completely and make sure to eat properly during the day and get some rest too… no late nights or risky situations… I don't want to classify your pregnancy as high-risk but your BP concerns me and we'll have to keep a close eye on that…" She said and Kate nodded. "You told me you run the FBI's office here in NY and honestly, I think this is a very stressful job, not to mention extremely risky. My suggestion is that you should step back for a while and put someone else as the leader. I'm not saying you to quit. Just that maybe you should step back from some attributions and work on a desk job, until the baby's birth…"

"Okay, doctor… we'll work on that. Is there anything else we should be careful about?" Hotch asked when he saw that Kate was too busy absorbing the news to respond the doctor.

"I'll prescript her some vitamins and some pills that should help with the morning sickness. I want her to come back in two weeks so we can see how things are going, okay?" She instructed and they nodded. She passed to Hotch the prescription and they both thanked her before leaving the room. Hotch went to the pharmacy to pick the vitamins and pills while Kate went to the bathroom and then they left the clinic.

He noticed that she was too quiet on the drive back home so he reached for her hand and squeezed it. "Hey… everything's fine. The baby's healthy and we'll take care of you to make sure it stands that way…" He said firmly and she nodded at him with a smile.

\\*\\*\\*\

Hotch was cooking some kitchen with vegetables for dinner when Kate came into the kitchen. As soon as they got back from the doctor she had said she wanted to take and nap and had locked herself in her room. Hotch had used the time to go to a grocery to buy some things for her and cleaned the house a little bit. He then called Morgan to ask how everything was at the office and Jack to see how he was doing and update him and Haley about Kate.

"Hey… what are you doing?" Kate asked quietly as she sat on the counter.

"Dinner for us… did you manage to sleep anything?" He asked.

"A little… spent most of the time thinking, though…" She said. "I wrote a letter for Richard. I'm going to mail it tomorrow. I know he won't read it soon but at least he will hear something from me when he comes back from the mission… I'm sending one of the baby's pictures…" She said with a sad smile.

Hotch turned off the stove and wiped his hand before going towards her. "Kitty, I know it's not easy. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now but I already said this to you and I'm saying again… you are not alone. I won't leave you alone. I'm right here, by your side and even when I go back to Quantico you just have to dial my number and I'll be here in a flash. I won't let you live this alone, sweetheart…" He said softly and she nodded quietly.

After a few minutes she cleared her throat. "Uh… I was thinking about how I'm going to deal with the job thing…" She started and he nodded at her. "I was thinking… would you… w-would you consider coming to NY?" She asked hesitantly.

He frowned at her confusedly. "What do you mean?"

"You know… move in here, with me. Take my post at the NY's office. Help me with everything… stay here with me…" She said quietly.

"Kitty…" He said calmly but she continued.

"It's just… you're not with Haley anymore and Jack is in high school already. He's turning fifteen in two months and he'd understand… he can come to visit us anytime and he even has his room…" She stammered. "It wouldn't be permanent… just until the baby's here and I can go back to work properly…"

"Kate… it's not simple… I have the team… I can't just leave…" He tried to explain.

"I know… I know it's too much to ask and I know I don't have the right to do this with you but…" She sighed as a few tears ran down her cheeks. "I'm so scared, Aaron. I'm scared to be alone here and I'm scared of something going wrong with the baby…" She cried. "Please, just… think about it. It doesn't have to be now, but in a couple of weeks… I don't know, just… think about it, please…" She pleaded him and he found himself nodding.

"I will… I promise I will…"

\\*\\*\\*\

He spent the next two days with her, helping her to adjust at the news and then went back to Quantico. He promised he would try to go with her in the next appointment and that he would think about her idea of him moving to New York with her. He had to admit that it was a good idea. He would be less worried and would be able to be with her if anything happened. He didn't think it would be too difficult to get a temporary transference to NY either. Strauss had been more receptive to him after he became the Unit Chief and he knew that Dave could help with her.

Morgan was also more prepared to assume the team for a few months and he knew Dave would help him in anything he needed. Haley wouldn't be a problem either because she knew how much he loved Kate and wanted to protect her from anything. Jack, just like Kate pointed, was older and a very understandable boy so he didn't think he would be mad if he went to help his aunt.

He was sitting at his desk that night, trying to come up with a decision when Emily knocked on his door, wet and wrinkled, her face red and her eyes puff from crying. He was instantly up and walked towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "Emily! What happened?"

"I just got a call from John…" She said quietly.

John? John who? "John?" He asked frowning.

"John Cooley…" She said and his eyes widened in recognition.

"What the hell did he want? What did he do?" He asked. John was no good business. He had done too much already.

"Nothing…" She said. "He just wanted to tell me that…" Her eyes were now red with tears and her body started to rock into soundless sobs. "Mathew was murdered, Aaron…" She said with a broken sob and he closed his eyes with a sigh.

"I am so sorry, sweetheart…" He said, the endearment slipping from his lips but she didn't seem to care when she launched herself in his arms and sobbed into his chest, holding her tightly by his jacket. "Ssh… ssh, it's okay… it's okay, Em…" He shushed her quietly. "What can I do?" He asked when he felt her sobs subsiding.

She pulled back and looked into his eyes. "I need you to help me to find who did this…" She said forcefully.

"Anything…" He quickly nodded. "We'll call the team in and we'll work on this…" He said wiping her cheeks. "Don't worry, Emily. We will find who did this…" He said and she went back to his arms, crying again.

He caressed her back and her hair while shushing her quietly and whispering reassurances. Just after a few minutes he allowed himself to think how good it was to have her in his arms again.

 **A/N: Owwwnnn... *cute moment* Okay, next one will be based on Demonology and it's going to be heartbreaker. You guys were warned... We just have three more to go, plus the Epilogue. I'll definetely post the next one tomorrow, so don't worry.**

 **Oh, and congrats** ** _sourgummycandy!_** **You guessed right! Kate is really pregnant. I couldn't kill Richard. It would be too cruel.**


	23. Chapter 22

**A/N: Hello everyone! I just realized that the last chapter had some troubles in the posting so I don't know if everyone was able to see it. Just check it quickly to see if you read it already.**

 **So, here is the new chapter and it's huge. Like the biggest of this fic. I'm not tottaly happy with it. I'm sick and my whole body aches and I'm having fever the whole day. I'm actually surprised that I managed to finish this. I hope you guys like it.**

 **Answer to a guest review : YES! They will get together in the end. Not just in the end, I promise. Next chapter will be starting their reconciliation. It will be based on Lo-Fi and Mayhem.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 22

"What was he doing here?" Hotch asked tightly. The team had started to work on Mathew's case the day before and now, with the third victim, they were starting to build a solid profile. There was still some doubt, especially from Morgan, about if there was either a case or not but Hotch had been demanded about it and said that they would be investigating it.

Emily had been warmer towards him but the presence of John was starting to bother him too much. "He came to see if there's any news on the case…" Emily answered him quietly.

Hotch went silent while he was trying to control his jealousy. He knew it wouldn't do any good to start a fight right now, especially because he didn't want to ruin the slight step forwards they had taken between them. "Okay… let's see what Garcia found about Mathew's post and the priest's death…" He said leading them to the conference room.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Are you seriously accusing the Italian Government of authorizing this man's murders?" Hotch asked incredulously as he walked a fuming Emily into his office.

"Aaron, he confesses have being present into all the deaths!" She exclaimed.

He took a deep breath and turned around to close his door and shut his blinds. As he turned back to her he tried to speak with the most calm he could get. "Emily, there's a limit that we cannot cross it. I understand your frustration, sweetheart, and I'm not saying that we'll let this man get out with this but you can't make this type of accusations without any proof… it won't help anyone, it won't make it easier for us to stay in this case and it won't help us to catch him… you know how this works, Em. It's politics. It sucks, it's unfair but you know that we have to play along if we want to keep our jobs…" He reasoned with her.

Emily huffed annoyed and turned her back to him. "I know, Aaron…" She said frustrated. "He's just… he looked at me in the eye and said he was trying to _help_ him! Help him! He killed Mathew, Aaron… he killed him and he was trying to help him?!" She said irritably.

Hotch approached her cautiously and put his hands on her shoulders to turn her around to look at him. He sighed at the sight of her damp cheeks and used his thumb to wipe it away and cupped her cheek. "Sweetheart, we will catch this guy. I promise you I won't give up until he pays for what he did with Mathew." He said firmly but softly. "But I need you to keep your head in the game… I need you to stay focused. I know it's not easy but you can't let your emotions take control… do it for Mathew…" He said softly and she nodded slowly.

Once more he was surprised when she stepped into his arms and hugged him tightly, burying her face in his chest. "Thank you…" He heard her whisper muffed by his shirt and tightened his grip on her, planting a light kiss on her forehead.

"Anything for you, Emily… anything…"

\\*\\*\\*\

The case was closed. It had been a political hell for Hotch but he didn't care. Father Paul Silvano was arrested and being deported back to Rome. Emily felt as if she had just paid a bill she had with Mathew. The guilty she was feeling was slowly consuming her but knowing that the man responsible by his death was out of the streets was huge relieve.

She saw John being directed to the ambulance and waved at him, promising she would visit him later. As she looked at her team she saw Hotch looking at her with an unpleased expression and she knew it was because he had seen John kissing her cheek. His support during this case had been immensurable and she was incredibly thankful for him doing everything he did, especially having called the Vatican for her, and she was well aware that she had lean onto him more than she would like to admit.

She remembered the moments when she allowed herself to be comforted by him and cried in his arms, relishing his tenderness and his care for her. She didn't know what had made her act like that, trusting in him and opening herself to him again. Maybe it was because he was the only one who knew about Mathew and what happened in Rome or maybe it was because he was always supportive every time she needed or even because she _wanted_ to have him worrying about her, she _wanted_ to feel like he cared for her.

She knew it was wrong. She knew it was incredibly wrong to lean on him like that, especially because she _didn't_ trust him, she _didn't_ want him near her like that. She _didn't_ want him thinking that everything was okay between them. She _didn't_ want him thinking that they were moving forwards. Because they weren't… she was too scared for that. She was too terrified of allowing herself to be vulnerable in front of him again.

The scars of his betrayal were too deep to be healed. They couldn't be healed.

But now, as she looked at him directing the officers in the crime scene and taking care of everything because _she_ asked, because it was important to _her_ , she was afraid that instead of things get better between them they would get worse, because of her fear.

\\*\\*\\*\

South Virginia, November 1991.

Emily entered the apartment she shared with Aaron late that evening. She was avoiding home as a plague ever since the news of Haley's pregnancy. As much as she wanted to move forwards, as much as she wanted to be understandable and to adapt to this new reality, she just couldn't ignore the pain in her chest every single time she looked at Aaron.

It was like she didn't know him anymore. It was like she was living with a stranger and she hated that.

She knew he tried. He tried every second of every day to be there for her and fulfill all her wishes and surprise her with romantic gestures but every time he did that she only felt as if he was tried to compensate for his mistakes and that leave everything with such a bitter taste that she couldn't allow herself to enjoy it.

Their private life had been severely affected too. Before everything, they were always spontaneous and funny and they actually _enjoyed_ each other's company. They would make sure to take their time while making love, relishing each moment as if it was the most treasure second in their lives.

Now it was everything but that. It was something more carnal, based on an obligation and not about their need to be together.

She missed him.

She missed him terribly.

But she couldn't open up to him anymore.

Every time he would tell her he was going to see Haley or take her to an appointment or when she heard them talking on the phone it would be a stab on her chest. She resented him and it was the most horrible feeling in the world.

She saw him sitting on the couch in their living room, his head buried in his hands and his posture tense. "Hey…" She said quietly and he snapped his head up.

"Hi…" He greeted her quietly.

"Is everything okay?" She asked and his hesitancy to answer her was what made her swallow hard.

"Come here…" He said patting the couch by his side. "We need to talk, Emily…"

"What is it?" She asked quietly.

He struggled to speak for a few minutes. "I… I-I don't think this is working anymore, Emily…" He started quietly.

"What do you mean?" She asked dumbly, to avoid the obvious. She knew this day would come. She just wasn't prepared for.

"This…" He said gesturing between them. "Us, Emily… we're not functioning anymore. You can't trust me and I don't blame you at all… I know it's all my fault and I know that you're trying to be understandable because you are too amazing but I know that it's not working…" He said sadly looking at her. "We can't enjoy each other's company anymore… we haven't been on a date in more than two months… we can't even make love properly anymore… it's not right, Emily… we can't keep doing this…" He said while his first tears fell down his cheeks.

"So…" She asked quietly because there wasn't anything she could say.

"I don't want you to wake up ten years from now hating me because I destroyed your life forcing you into a marriage without trust and love, Emily… I don't want to do any more damage than I already did…" He said.

"Are you going to stay with Haley?" She asked after a few minutes.

"I want to give my son a proper home, with both parents… you know how my childhood was because of my father and I want my son to know how it is to have a father that loves him and would do anything for him…" He said.

She didn't know what to say so she just stayed in silence for a few minutes. "So this is it?" She asked finally.

"I don't hope you'll ever forgive me for what I did, for what I'm doing… but I want you to be happy, Emily. I can't see myself making you happy anymore. I can't see you being happy with me ever since we moved here… you probably don't believe in anything I'm saying but I love you so much, Em… I _know_ that I will love you until the day I die and nothing or anyone will ever be able to change that. You are the truly love of my life and it's because of that that I can't do this to you… you deserve better than me… and I need to do this for my son…" He said softly.

"I want you to leave." She said hard but quietly after a while without looking at him.

"Okay…" He whispered nodding. "I'll be at my mom's until I have something more permanent…" He said going towards their bedroom. He came back a few moments with his bag and stopped at the front door, looking back at her who was still sitting on the couch immobile. "I'm really sorry, sweetheart…" He whispered and then he was gone.

Emily felt her whole body numb and then it started to rock into soundless sobs as she curled herself into the couch, hugging her knees and burying her face on a pillow. More than two years of her life had just been thrown on the trash along with her heart by the one person she was mostly sure it would never hurt her.

After a while, she got up and looked around the apartment, taking in every single thing they had built together and suddenly she was feeling suffocated. She couldn't breathe because everything reminded her of him and how much she loved him and how much he had broken her. It took twenty minutes for her to pack her clothes and toiletries in two big suitcases and then she was ready to leave that place, knowing she would never go back.

Before leaving she looked at the sparkling ring on her finger and quickly twisted it off, placing it into the coffee table, not wanting a single thing of this relationship because it was enough every memory she had and knew it would hunt her for a very long time.

Taking a last look at the place she thought she would be so happy once, Emily turned around and left, closing the door with a loud thud echoing through the hall. She walked away from Aaron just like he had walked away from her. And she didn't look back.

\\*\\*\\*\

Quantico, Virginia. February, 2007.

"Hey…" She heard him approaching after everyone had left the scene.

"Hey…" She nodded at him. "Look, Aaron…" She started quietly. "I just want to thank you… for everything. I know it wasn't easy, what you had to do during this case, so… thank you, really…"

He smiled at her. "You don't need to thank me, Em… I meant what I said earlier. I would do anything for you…" He said and she fought against her tears.

"Thanks…"

"Do you want me to take you home?" He offered but she shook her head quickly.

"No… thank you but I want to take a walk… and I promised to go see John at the hospital later…" She said and saw his face darken.

"Why?" He asked tightly.

"Why what?" She frowned.

"Why are you going to see him, Emily? You don't have any obligations with him…" He said.

"I know I don't have any obligations… but I want to. I want to see how he's doing… it was pretty bad what was going on in there…" She argued.

"I know, sweetheart, but…" He started but she cut him.

"Can you stop calling me that, please?" She asked him tightly. She wasn't his sweetheart. She didn't want him calling her that. It was the same sweetheart she had heard him calling that other woman and even Haley sometimes and it was the same sweetheart he called her right before he walked out of her life. Earlier she was too affected by the case to be bothered but now it was like a knife on her chest.

"I'm sorry, Emily…" He said quietly. "Anyway… I just don't understand why you want to be near him again… he abandoned you with a baby, Emily…" He said and she didn't know if it was her fears or her tiredness from the case or her guilty because of Mathew but she just snapped.

"And who are you to judge him?" She asked harshly. "He at least had the excuse of being a kid, of being immature and scared of being a father at fifteen. But what about you? _You_ abandoned me for another woman! _You_ slept with your ex-girlfriend and got her pregnant while saying you were in love with me! _You_ left me alone and broken to go play happy family with your new pretty wife and beloved son! _You_ made me kill my baby!" She hissed at him and saw his features contorting with guilty and regret, the tears filling his eyes and she hated herself for feeling good about it.

"I am sorry, Emily…" He whispered brokenly at her.

"I don't want your apologies, Aaron… you've been saying you're sorry for more than fifteen years and it doesn't make anything better..." She huffed at him.

"Then what do you want, Emily? What do you need?" He asked tiredly.

"You know what I want, Aaron?" She asked rhetorically. "I want to forget that you were ever in my life! I want to erase this resentment inside of me because it makes me feel ill, Aaron… I want to go to work and to not have a reminder of the worse time of my life walking around my desk all the time…" She said and saw his posture sagging and his eyes darkening. "I want to forget you, Aaron… I just want you to disappear from my life again…" She said tiredly and with such sadness that he couldn't avoid his tears from falling.

He nodded his head sadly and looked down, unable to see the hurt he caused reflected in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Emily…" He whispered quietly before turning around and walking towards his SUV, without looking back at her.

As he drove back to his apartment he thought about her words and about the way she appeared to be tired, exhausted and how much he was making her feel bad. He wiped his cheeks with the back of his hand and grabbed his phone. He couldn't do anything in the past to avoid her from hurting but now he had the chance. He dialed the familiar number and waited for her to pick up. "Hey… it's me. I thought about it. Get things ready on your side and I'll do the same thing here… I'll move in in two weeks."

\\*\\*\\*\

The next two weeks were one of the hardest ones for Hotch. He had asked for a meeting with Strauss first thing in the morning the next Monday and had informed her about his intentions. To his surprise, the woman had been rather receptive of this idea. Of course it could be because of her hope of him deciding to stay at the NY's office permanently but either way she had made things easier for him for the first time.

Next thing he did was speak with Haley and Jack, explaining to them Kate's situation and his decision. As he expected, both were really understandable and supportive about everything and he had promised Jack that he could come to stay with them every other weekend, since it was a simple train trip distance.

He worked with Kate to get the papers to the transfer ready, coordinating between DC and NY, and she gave the guest room an upgrade to accommodate him. He hadn't told her the reasons behind his decision but he knew she was onto him and had sensed that something had happened and as soon as he got in NY she was going to get it out of him.

The only ones of the team who knew about his transfer were Morgan and Rossi and just because he needed to get everything ready for them to take the lead of the Unit. They had questioned him about his reasons, if he was really sure it was the best thing to do but he said he had thought a lot about it, analyzed all the pros and cons and he had his reasons and it was the right thing to do right now. He had explained that it wasn't permanent at first but didn't give them any details about what he was going to do.

He had requested a time off for them to be able to get his paperwork ready and repass everything to Morgan so he would be prepared to assume everything. He asked him to come every day to his office for them to go over the details and cases. At the end of his last day at the BAU, at least for a while, he was sitting on his chair in his office, doors closed and blinds shut, preparing himself to break the news to the rest of the team.

He had called a meeting in twenty minutes and now he was gathering the strength he would need to say goodbye to his family. He had purposely chosen to just do this on the last day because he didn't want to give Garcia the opportunity to make some kind of get away party for him. His flight was booked for the next morning and he had shipped his things during the week. He would spend this night with Jack and it was everything he wanted.

There was a knock on his door that startled him out of his thoughts. He said a quiet come in and Dave popped his head in. "Hey… everyone is waiting… are you ready?" He asked hesitantly.

"As I'll ever be…" He answered with a sigh getting up.

"Are you sure, Aaron? There's still time…" Dave asked once more.

"I'm sure, Dave…" He nodded firmly. "Let's go…"

They walked towards the Conference Room where the team was gathered around the round table. When they stepped in Morgan got up and positioned himself standing behind Hotch, just as Dave was doing, showing his support. "Sir… is everything okay?" Garcia asked seeing the grim looks on their faces.

"Yes, Penelope… I just need to break some news…" Hotch started hesitantly. "I… I received an offer to run the FBI's Office in New York temporarily… there's a situation with the current leader and she'll have to step down so she asked me if I could replace her for a few months…" He said and watched his teammates' jaws drop. "I spent the last two weeks working with Morgan to get him ready to assume the team while I'm away. At first it's nothing permanent, it's just until the other agent is able to come back…"

"At first?" JJ questioned him.

He looked at her and nodded slowly. "Yes… there's a possibility that I'll be relocated permanently… I don't know yet… I'll decide it later, depending on how things work there…" He explained.

"But… but you can't leave…" Penelope said brokenly as a few tears fell down her cheeks. "You're our boss-man… you can leave us…"

Hotch smiled softly at her and blink back the tears forming in his eyes. "I'm sorry for waiting until now to tell you guys… I guess I was being kind of a coward… I didn't want any fuss about it…" He said quietly.

"When do you leave?" Reid asked.

"Tomorrow morning…" He said and heard them gasped. "I shipped my things this week and I'm starting the new job this Monday…" He explained.

"So… there's nothing we can do?" Penelope asked.

"No… I'm sorry… I really am… but it's all settled…" He said.

"Aaron…" Emily whispered and for the first time he looked at her. Her eyes were wide and filled with tears and she was struggling to say something. He just smiled faintly at her and nodded his head.

"I just wanted you all to know that this wasn't an unthinking decision… I thought a lot about it and I spoke with Jack to see if he was okay with it… I think that it's the best thing for me to do right now and like I said, at first it's nothing permanent. I'll probably be back in a few months… and you all can count on me for anything, I'm just a phone call away…" He said softly. "I won't say goodbye, just a see you later… Jack still lives here so I'll be coming now and then and he'll be up there to visit me every other weekend too." He explained.

There was a heavy sadness in the air while the team said goodbye to their leader. Garcia cried as he hugged her and he whispered in her ear that he would miss her the most, just making her cry even harder. Reid was quiet and guarded as he hugged his surrogate father and Hotch promised him that he wasn't leaving him, he would just be a couple of hours away and he could call him anytime he needed. JJ teared up as he looked at her and he hugged her, whispering to her that he was very proud of her and she should keep her wonderful work and that she should take care of his family while he was away.

When he turned to Emily and saw her conflicted eyes filled with tears he quietly asked if he could give her a hug. When she nodded he took her into his arms and held her tightly, caressing her hair and relishing a last feel of her. She whispered at him that he didn't have to go but he just shushed her and pressed a light kiss on her forehead. "Be happy, sweetheart." He whispered before letting her go and wishing all a good night before leaving the room.

Emily looked at him walking down the stairs and felt her heart being ripped off with guilty and sorrow because she knew he was doing this for her, because of what she had said to him.

Just later that night, when she was laying on her bed, crying silently for the events of the evening, she remembered that he was going to New York. Where _Kate_ lived.

 **A/N: Well, there it is... I know some of you didn't want him to leave but I promise I have a purpose for this... Like I said, next chapter they'll be together... I won't promise that I'm going to post it tomorrow because I'm feeling really bad. I'll try.**

 **We just have two more to go, plus the Epilogue.**

 **Reviews make me super happy and maybe they'll make me want to write faster... who knows? :)**


	24. Chapter 23

**A/N: Okay, I'm sick. I'm with Rubella and it sucks but... dammit! Sixteen reviews on the last chapter? I just couldn't leave you guys waiting... So, since I had the sketch of this ready I did an effort and finished. It's freaking huge again but I can't do anything different because you guys deserve the best of me.**

 **This is the first part of the end, based on Lo-Fi. We'll have Mayhem on the next one and I'll try to post it until Sunday.**

 **This is unbeta'd and I'm sick so, please take it easy.**

 **Again, thank you all so much for your reviews. You guys are the best and I hope you like this.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 23

Morgan knocked on Garcia's lair softly that evening. The team had just got back from their first case without Hotch and he had noticed how much she was affected by this, even if she had tried to hide it from him. Ever since his talk with Hotch after the case in Connecticut he had tried to be with her a little more, asking how she was feeling after a case, stopping by her office more often and even using a few pet-names sometimes.

Of course it wasn't anything like before but he tried to be there for her when she needed. He came to realize that it wasn't her fault that he was bothered and jealous about her relationship. It wasn't her fault that he had fallen for her. She hadn't done anything bad so she didn't deserve to be treated the way he was treating her.

He heard her calling him in quietly and opened the door and saw her sitting at her chair, shutting down her babies. "Hey you…" He greeted her.

"Hi…" She whispered quietly without looking at him. He sighed and knelt down, turning her chair to make her look at him.

"How are you feeling?" He asked her softly, taking her hands with his.

"I miss him…" She said sadly. "It's not the same without him…"

"I know, sweetheart… it was really weird being the boss, too…" He said nodding.

"I called him." She said. "He said he was fine, adapting… said his team is nothing compared to us…" She said smiling.

"I'm sure it's not…" He smiled back. "So… are you waiting for Lynch?" He asked, trying very hard to not show the bitter taste the name had on his lips.

"Not tonight… he's going out with some guys from the tech pool…" She said and he struggled a bit before asking what he wanted so much.

"So... are you free? Do you want to, I don't know… it's been a while since our last movie night…" He stammered a bit and there was such happiness in her eyes that he almost hit himself for neglecting her for so long.

"Really?" She asked happily.

"Really, really. Clooney misses you and I'm pretty sure my couch misses your cute little butt…" He joked at relished the sound of her laugh.

"I missed you, Derek…" She said softly and he closed his eyes, dropping his head on her lap. She caressed his head for a while before he looked up to her again.

"I missed you too, sweetheart. I'm sorry for being a jerk these last few weeks… I didn't have the right to be mad at you because of Kevin… I… I just want you to be happy…" He said quietly and she smiled teary at him. "Are you happy?" He asked her.

"I am now…" She answered caressing his cheek. "Let's go… I need comfort food with a comfort movie and some comfort cuddles…" She said getting up and grabbing her purse and coat.

"Your wish is my command, my queen…" He said opening the door for her. If he couldn't have her as his he would at least enjoy the little he could get. A life with her as his friend and baby girl was still a million times better than a life without her, period.

\\*\\*\\*\

Three months had passed since Hotch left to NY and things at the BAU were still a little weird. Morgan had adapted quite well at the Unit Chief's post and with Rossi's help he hadn't had too much trouble with the amount of paperwork and meetings. They hadn't brought anyone to replace Hotch temporarily yet, but Strauss had already given hints about her intentions of picking up a new agent.

Morgan and Rossi, of course, had been completely against the idea and told her they would choose a cadet to work with them as an internship and it would be just for a while since Hotch hadn't said anything yet about staying in NY permanently.

They still struggled a little at the absence of their leader, sometimes looking automatically for his advice or directions just to remember that he wasn't there anymore. He had keep contact with the team, of course, especially with Morgan, Rossi and Garcia, the last one because she made sure to call him every other day to ask how he was, if he was eating right, if he was having some trouble and things that just Garcia did. She even sent him some of her famous cookies for him when Jack had gone to visit him.

He hadn't come to DC yet to visit, saying that things at the office were really busy and he couldn't afford to take the time off. And since Jack would always go visit him, almost every weekend, he hadn't minded much.

Things with Kate had been a little tense in the first couple of weeks, not between them, but because of her pregnancy. She had even collapsed once due to her BP and Hotch had almost had a heart attack, but she was medicated and everything was fine with her and the baby. He had cut her working hours for just a 9/5 routine, which annoyed the hell out of her and, adding the pregnancy hormones, had caused a few arguments between them, but in the end everything was fine.

When she reached the sixteenth week they found out that she was carrying a little baby girl and Hotch was all excited about the idea of having a little baby goddaughter and niece to spoil and protect. They started to think about the nursery and since the most available room was Jack's, because Hotch was currently living in the guest room, they would have to remodel the boy's bedroom for the baby.

Kate had apologized to him because he had been so excited about his room but he had just waved off her concern, saying that his little sister needed a room just for her and he could just sleep with his father when he went visit them.

Unfortunately she still hadn't managed to speak with her husband. She had sent dozens of letters, with pictures of the baby and even some of her growing belly, telling him everything about every appointment, every detail of the pregnancy and how she was dealing with things. She told him about Hotch's support and how he had moved to NY to take care of her but until now she hadn't received anything back, much less a phone call.

She called weekly at his commandant but his answer was always the same. Richard Joyner was still in a secret mission, incommunicable and there was no date for his return to the base. He assured her that her letters were all waiting for him and as soon as his squad got back he would receive them all. She cried often about it, wanting his presence with her all the time but Hotch always calmed her, assuring that everything would be okay and that Richard would be with her soon enough.

He had gone with her in each appointment and fulfilled each craving, not matter what it was or which time she had it. He even bought the first outfit for the baby, a tiny pink baby romper, all covered with little ladybugs, which was how he started calling the baby.

She was in the middle of her eighteenth week when hell broke loose on NY. When the first murder happened no one made the connection but when the second and the third murders happened with the same MO Hotch knew they were dealing with a serial killer, and a dangerous one. The guy was killing aleatory targets in the middle of the day in public places and somehow managed to escape without anyone noticing until it was too late.

Hotch, of course, had restricted her performance on the case, keeping her strictly at the office and telling her she shouldn't leave without him or one of the offices to anywhere. At first she was annoyed by his protectiveness but deep down she understood him and was thankful because it showed how much he cared.

When they found the forth body before the end of the first week Hotch knew what he had to do. He dialed the number and waited for him to answer. "Morgan? It's me. I think I need you guys up here…"

\\*\\*\\*\

The team was on the jet on their quick flight to NY and Emily was trying to control her nerves at the prospect of seeing Hotch again. She had only heard the team talking about him, about the times they called him or he called them and how he was adjusting to his new job, but she hadn't heard his voice or saw him for the last three months and it was slowly consuming her.

She missed him. She missed him terribly and she hated herself for that because all she wanted was to let him go and forget him. She hadn't heard anything about him having a girlfriend but that didn't mean that he and that Kate woman weren't together. She knew, by the times she heard him speaking with her on the phone that she was someone really important to him.

"Can you stop that? You're making me dizzy…" JJ asked placing a hand on her bouncing knee and she looked at the blonde apologetically.

"I'm sorry, Jay…" She murmured. The news of JJ's pregnancy was still a shock for the team. Will LaMontagne Jr. had appeared at the BAU a week before, after the team returned from a case in LA where JJ had been injured and had fussed around her asking if the baby was okay in front of the whole team.

Morgan had been furious with JJ for not telling him that about her condition and for going on the field like that. She argued at him that she hadn't gone to catch an unsub, she had just gone to interview a victim's friend. It wasn't her fault that the woman was schizophrenic with a sociopath partner.

"How are you?" JJ asked hesitantly. It was obvious to everyone how much Emily was nervous about this trip to NY. It became clear to the team that Hotch had gone away because of something that happened between them. They didn't blame her but they could see how much she was bothered every time they talked about how much they missed him.

"I'm okay…" She said evasively. She wasn't okay. She wasn't prepared to see him yet.

JJ looked at her hesitantly for a few moments before clearing her throat quietly. "Uh… Em?" At the brunette's hum she continued. "Can I ask you something?"

"What?" Emily asked cautiously.

"How are thing between you and Graham? You haven't spoken about him for a while..." The blonde asked.

Emily groaned inwardly. She was actually impressed that no one had asked about it until now, especially Garcia. The truth was that things weren't okay. In fact, she didn't even know if there was still a 'thing' between them.

A couple of weeks after Hotch's departure Graham confronted her about her lack of time and her distance every time they were together. She knew he was right about his complaints and she had even thought he was more patient that she deserved. After almost three months together they had finally slept together but it was ridiculous obvious that she wasn't as much into their relationship as he was.

They had only been together two times after that, not for lack of trying on his part but because she used every single excuse she could to avoid him. Finally, after the seventh time she canceled on him because of work or because she was too tired or even because she had a girl's night with Garcia and JJ, he snapped.

He asked her what was the matter and if she didn't want to be with him anymore because he didn't deserve to be treated like that. He told her to take some time and to think about what she wanted and that when she had the answer she should call him because he was tired of going after her just to hit on a wall of excuses and coldness. That had been over a month ago so she was pretty sure she couldn't say she had a boyfriend anymore.

"I… I don't think it's going to work…" She said quietly.

"Yeah? And why is that?" JJ pressed her.

She struggled to answer for a while. "I don't think I was ready for a relationship yet…" She said quietly.

"Because when was the last serious relationship you had again?" JJ asked with a raised eyebrow. She knew it had been over three years ago because she had said in one of their talks.

"That's not the point, JJ…" She tried to argue but the younger woman cut her again.

"I think the point is that you're still so completely in love with Hotch, even after fifteen years, and no matter how wonderful the guy is, he will never be good enough and he will never make you feel the things Hotch does…" She said softly but firmly.

Emily stayed quiet for a few moments. "I thought you were team Graham…" Emily joked and JJ chuckled.

"No… I am team Emily. And I can see that Graham isn't making you happy. Just as Hotch's absence isn't either. And I want you to be happy, Em… do you really rather be lonely and unhappy for the rest of your life than risking giving him a second chance?" JJ asked quietly.

"It's not easy, JJ…" Emily sighed.

"I know it's not… I can't even begin to understand what you must have gone through… if Will ever did something like this I'd probably kill him…" She said with a chuckle. "But Em… it's been fifteen years and it's just ridiculous how much you two still love each other… I mean, he left! He left a job he loved and his own son without a second thought because of something that happened between you two! If I had to guess I would say that you said something in the lines that you didn't want him near…" JJ said and when Emily flinched she knew she had hit right on the target. "Do you want a bigger proof of love than that?"

"Did you forget about that British?" Emily asked.

"Em… you don't even know if they're really together…" JJ argued but Emily shook her head.

"I do know. I heard him talking on the phone with her other two times… her name is Kate and she even had a key of his apartment…" She said. "Do you remember that time he went on an emergency trip right after we came back from a case? It was to see her! He even called her sweetheart, JJ…" She said sadly. " _And_ guess what? She _lives_ in NY…" She finished and JJ widened her eyes.

"Well…" She stammered not knowing what to say.

"See? I can't, JJ. He broke me once because I was too blind by my love and naivety. If I let him do it again it will be because of my own stupidity and I'm not stupid". Just then the pilot announced their land and both woman stayed quiet. As she watched the ground coming closer and closer she took a deep breath and asked for strength. She could barely wait for the flight home already.

\\*\\*\\*\

It was barely after nine when the BAU team entered the NY's office. "Excuse me, we're looking for Agent Hotchner?" Morgan asked to a blonde petit woman wearing a too big red pullover and dark blue jeans, sitting on a chair at the conference room. She had a light bump and JJ guessed that she was in the middle to end of her second semester.

"Oh, you guys are his team… it's really good to meet you. Aaron came in really early for a meeting and it was supposed to be over already. He should be here at any minute…" The blonde explained and while the men raised a slightly eyebrow at the use of Hotch's first name, the women bit back a gasp at the voice they recognized instantly. It was the British woman, Kate.

"No problem, it's nice to meet you, agent. I'm Agent Derek Morgan and these are agents David Rossi, Jennifer Jareau, Spencer Reid and Emily Prentiss and that it's our technical analyst Penelope Garcia…" Morgan introduced them.

"It's a pleasure. I'm Agent Kate Joyner and I really appreciate you guys coming so fast. Things aren't good here, the press is going insane and the chaos is slowly getting worse…" Kate explained. "We set up this room for you guys and please, if you need anything at all just ask… Miss Garcia, there's a room right after that door" she said pointing to the corner "that it's set up as our provisional command of our vigilance system. It's still pretty archaic unfortunately but all the videotapes are there and our technical analyst is at your disposal, waiting for instructions…" She told her quickly.

Garcia nodded at her but didn't make mention to move, too transfixed by the news. They all could see her pregnancy bump and Emily felt her whole body numb at the prospect of Aaron having _another_ baby with _another_ woman.

"I don't know if you guys want to wait for Aaron but if you don't, there's a few offices just waiting to take you to the crime scenes. I would go with you but Aaron would probably kill me so…" She said with a chuckle and Hotch chose that moment to make his appearance.

"You're damn right I would. Sit your cute butt on this chair like I told you and don't even think about putting a foot outside without my knowledge…" He said firmly but with a hint of amusement that made her smile. "Hey guys…" He greeted his team with a smile. "It's so good to see you…" He said giving them all hugs, except from Emily. When he reached JJ his grin was wide. "And you… let me look at you…" He said taking her hands and giving her an approving look. "Congratulations, Jen… Will is a very lucky man…" He said hugging her.

"Thank you…" She said smiling at him.

"Did Kate explain everything to you?" He asked Morgan.

"She was just doing that…" Morgan nodded.

"Right… here are the coroner's files from the last victim… I just got out of a meeting with the NYPD Chief so we can build a strategy to deal with this…"

"We need to see a press release too…" Kate said.

"I'll work on that…" JJ promptly said.

"Good, I can help you if you like it…" She suggested and JJ nodded politely.

"Nice, but now it's breakfast time so here it is…" He said looking back a Kate.

"How did you know I haven't eaten yet?" She asked amusedly.

"Because I know you and since I wasn't at home to make it for you, you are too lazy to make it…" He said handing her a paper bag. "There are croissants and an English muffin with peach jelly…" He told her while she was digging into it already.

"You're a godsend…" She exclaimed.

"Is that my sweater?" He asked with a cocked eyebrow. The team watched the exchange with curious eyes and Emily wanted nothing more than disappear.

"Nothing fits me anymore, Aaron… I'm fat!" The blonde complained and he rolled his eyes at her.

"Oh God, I did not sign up for this…" He groaned at her. "You stop complaining because I took you to the mall last week and you didn't want to buy anything…"

"Because I didn't need it!"

"Okay… you feed my little ladybug and I'll go with the guys to see the crime scenes…" He told her and kissed her slightly on the forehead. Emily felt her stomach trembling at the sight and as soon as Morgan told her to go with Reid and Detective Cooper to the first two scenes she was quick to gather her things to leave.

Before they could leave Hotch called Cooper. "Hey, Cooper". When the detective looked at him he just added. "Same rules".

Cooper seemed to understand what he was talking about because he just nodded and left the room followed by Reid and Emily.

When they were walking to the car Reid asked. "What did Hotch mean with 'same rules'?"

"About Agent Prentiss, I think. Same rules from when I have to go somewhere with Agent Joyner". He said and Emily frowned. "I better die before I let anything happen with her…" He finished and Emily flinched inwardly. _Great._ She was in the same category of Agent Joyner.

\\*\\*\\*\

Forty minutes later they were all coming back to the conference room. When Hotch got in and only saw JJ he frowned. "Where is Kate?"

JJ looked up from her files to him. "I don't know. Her phone rang about half hour ago and she left to answer it and didn't come back yet…"

He frowned again and was about to go after her when she came back to the room. One look at her and his chest tightened. Her eyes were all red and her nose was puffy and she looked like she hadn't slept probably for a month. "Sweetheart, what happened?" He asked quickly walking towards her. He put his hands on her shoulder and saw her eyes watering again.

"It was… i-it was R-Richard…" She stammered and broke into soundless sobs, burying her face on his chest.

He widened his eyes and sighed, running his hands through her hair and back, trying to calm her down. "Oh, sweetie… what did he say?" He asked her.

"He said he was sorry for not being here and that he was happy about the baby…" She said between sobs. "And he said he loves me and he will try to come for the birth…"

"I told you… everything will be fine, Kitty. Now you need to calm down… this isn't good for my goddaughter…" Hotch said and the team frowned confusedly. "Penelope, could you get some water for her, please?" He asked the tech and she blinked before nodded and going to the fridge.

Hotch directed Kate to the couch on the corner of the room and sat her down, kneeling in front of her and opened the bottle of water Penelope brought before giving it to her.

There was silence for a few minutes before JJ cleared her throat and asked what everyone was thinking. "Excuse me… I know it's not of my business but… who's Richard?"

"My husband…" Kate said quietly as Hotch sat beside her.

"You're married?" Emily asked with a frown.

"Uh… yes…" Kate answered, confused by her reaction. "He's a military. He's currently in a mission in Iraq. I hadn't been able to talk to him ever since I found out about the pregnancy…" She explained.

"But you don't have a ring…" Garcia stated looking at her left hand.

"I do have…" She said taking a chain from under her sweater where it was her engagement ring and her wedding band. "I just can't wear them…"

"Why?"

"She has fat fingers…" Hotch answered before she could do it and chuckled when she glared at him.

"I do not have fat fingers…"

"Then why can't you wear your rings?" He asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Because I have an allergy to metals, but only in my hand. If I wear them my fingers get all swollen…" She explained to Garcia while still glaring at Hotch.

"See? Fat fingers. And can you drop the kitten glare? I already told you, it doesn't work…" He said and laughed when she smacked him.

"Okay. Wait a minute. So, you're married?" Emily clarified. God, she was feeling so stupid.

"Yes… do you want to see my certificate?" She asked sarcastically.

"And _he_ is the father of your child?" She asked bluntly and Kate frowned angrily at her.

"I'm sorry? Of course he is! Who do you think you are to…" She started raising her voice but Hotch raised his hand to quiet her.

"Calm down, Kitty. Why don't you go to the bathroom to wash your face? You look like a raccoon…" He told her and then turned to Emily. "Can we speak in my office for a second?" He asked her and leaded her to a door in the end of the hall. When they got inside he closed the blinds and locked the door behind him. "Did you really think I was the father of Kate's child?" He asked her incredulously.

She avoided his eyes and heard him sighing. "I'm sorry but I heard you on the phone with her and you called her sweetheart and you don't call just anyone sweetheart, Aaron…" She tried to explain but he cut her.

"So you immediately thought that I was involved with her?" He asked. "God, Emily…" He breathed shaking his head. "I met Kate over ten years ago while she still worked on Scotland Yard. We worked together on an international case and we became close friends. She was nice and funny and I just had this instinct to protect her… she was engaged with Richard and they were planning their transfer to America. She came to the FBI and was located in the Counterterrorism in DC so I helped her to adjust and we became even more close. I was her 'man of honor' and I walked her down the aisle… Haley and Jack always loved her and even mom and Sean took her very well. We became a family. She's like a little sister to me… Jack calls her Aunt Kate". He started explaining and she just felt more and more stupid. "She was transferred to Colorado a few years ago and we started to see each other only on holidays and birthdays. Richard was sent to the Middle East after 9/11 and her life became really hard since then. She managed to get transferred here in January and I helped her with the moving. Richard came home to spend Christmas and New Year with her and then she got pregnant. That time you heard me talking to her on the phone it was because she had just found out and was despaired. I was so worried that I didn't even think that you could think that I was…" He sighed.

Emily stayed quiet listening to him, not believing that everything had been just a misunderstanding on her head.

"When I came that time to calm her I took her to a doctor and she said her pregnancy was almost high-risky. She suggested she should step down to avoid stress. Kate asked me to come live with her and take her post at the office but I was a little reluctant... I didn't want to get out of DC, stay away from Jack, but… " He said trailing off. "But then… after our talk… I thought it may be a good opportunity… you know… to make things easier for you…" He finished quietly.

"I'm so sorry, Aaron…" She said quietly. She didn't want him to stay away from his son. And now that she knew the truth she was feeling even more guilty.

"It's okay, Emily…" He shook his head. "I guess I can understand your lack of trust in me… I should have known that you were going to think this…" He said sadly. "Can I just tell you one thing?" He asked quietly. At her nod she took a deep breath to continue. "Ever since you came back I keep myself out of your way the most that I could because I didn't want to cause any more damage. But after this, I just have to tell some things…" He said with a sigh. "Emily… I am completely in love with you, even after all these years…" He told her and heard her held her breath. "I tried, I did, I swear, but I could never forget you. I could never give myself completely to Haley and I think that was the reason she fell in love with someone else so easily…" He shrugged. "There was no Haley, there is _no_ Kate and there will never be a woman able to make me forget you because I don't want to! I don't want to forget you… the love I feel for you keeps me breathing every day, Emily… it's so strong and so deep that, aside from Jack and my mom, there is no one in this world that I love that much. You are my everything and I am not ashamed of saying that… I know that I'm not worth of you and I know that you will never be able to trust me again but I don't care… I don't need to be with you to love you… I have each memory, each picture we took together, each letter and a lot of other little things that make me think about you and remember our moments together and for me it's enough… it's even more than I deserve, probably…" He confessed and she gasped.

"You kept everything?"

"Every single thing. It's my most valuable treasure, Emily, because it's you… it's the Emily I managed to keep with me and God… I don't want anyone else… I don't want to find another woman and get married again. I tired of fooling myself, thinking that it could be anyone else in this world that will be able to make me happy because I know there isn't…" He said softly. "I understand that you probably don't believe in a word I just said but I needed to say it anyway… I love you. I will love you for the rest of my life…" He finished just as a tear fell down her cheek.

"Aaron…" Before she could respond him there was a knock on the door and Kate called his name.

He opened the door and by the look on her face he could see it wasn't anything good. "There was another murder…" She told him and he nodded at her.

"We'll be there soon… are you okay?" He asked her before she could leave.

"I'm fine…" She smiled at him and left.

He turned back to Emily and saw a few tears still falling. He wiped it carefully with his thumb and cupped her cheek. "We'll finish this later, okay?" He whispered and she nodded.

They left and she was glad for the extra time because she needed to think. She needed to revalue things and she needed to understand what she wanted to do from now on. Her head was spinning and her heart was aching and she had never felt so conflicted in her life. In that office she had seen again her Aaron. The same Aaron that made her feel like the only woman in the world fifteen years ago. The same Aaron she still loved more than anything in the world.

But she didn't know if she was able to let the past in the past and give them another chance. She was too scared of trying and in the end not being able of forgive him. She didn't want a relationship without love and commitment. She wanted to be happy. She wanted them to be happy. He was her happiness but also her torment and she didn't know which side speak louder now.

As they called it night after coming back from the crime scene and working some time more at the precinct she got into the SUV and turned it on to go to the hotel. She'd have the whole night to think because she knew they would talk later. They had to talk later.

Unfortunately, things got only worse. Before she could reach the hotel she heard about the explosion of a SUV. A black SUV. She drove back to the office as fast as she could, fearing the worse. Something in her heart was telling her that it was Aaron.

Once more she cursed her intuition for being always right.

 **A/N: Boooooom! Now... I'm in a conflict. Kate is in the explosion with Aaron but she's pregnant! I have a baby's life in my hands and I still don't know what I'll do.**

 **Like I promised, we started their reconciliation... next chapter we'll have their first kiss after more than fifteen years. How do you guys think it will be?**

 **Reviews are awesome and they make me want to write. Even when I'm sick. So, hit the review button and make me happy, please :)**


	25. Chapter 24

**A/N: Oh my god, it's ending... I can't believe it's ending... it's so sad :(**

 **Guys, I'm sorry for taking so long. I was really bad and I couldn't focus to write. I spent the whole weekend in bed, just watching Dharma and Greg and reading fics. :) It was an awesome medicine and now I'm almost all good. Thank you all for the reviews and the PM's wishing me to get better soon. You guys are the best.**

 **Here is the last chapter of We Had It All. Again, it's huge, because there's too much things to be tied up and I don't want to let anything unresolved. We still have the Epilogue and I'll post it tomorrow.**

 **This is unbeta'd and I didn't reviewed so I'm sorry for any errors. I hope you guys like it.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 24

The last couple of minutes had passed through him without him even noticing. One minute he was joking with Kate about who should do the laundry when they got home and the next one everything was falling apart in front of his eyes and he could only hear an annoying ring on her ear, totally disoriented and confused about his surrounds.

He saw the papers flying and the SUV in flames in front of him. There was blood in his hands and his whole body ached. It took him exactly fifteen seconds to remember that he wasn't alone there.

Kate.

Kate was with him and she had been thrown away with the force of the bomb just like him. He quickly scanned the street, looking for her and thankfully he spotted her laying on the ground, curled on a fetal position. He ran like crazy towards her, praying to God that she was okay, that his goddaughter was okay. As he knelt in front of her he barely registered the voice of the kid asking him if she was okay.

Jim, Tom, Sam, what was his name again? He couldn't remember. He just asked him to call for help and focused on the blonde girl in front of him. She had a nasty cut on her forehead and her arms were covered with scratches and bruises. He carefully turned her on her back and raised his sweater to look at her baby bump. He touched it and called for his ladybug, asking, begging her to give him just a little kick so he could know that she was okay.

When he felt the littlest flutter under his hand he almost broke into tears. There was still life inside there. There was still hope. He asked for the kid to call again for the damn ambulance as he looked at the floor and saw the amount of blood under his sister's pants. She was still unconscious and he kept asking her to wake up and look at him, that he needed her to be okay, that she had to fight and be okay otherwise he would kill her.

"Hotch!"

He heard a voice calling him but he was too busy trying to awake Kate to even bother looking up.

"Hotch!" The voice was closer and now he recognized it as Morgan's. "Hotch, man! Are you okay?" He was now right there by his side and he just nodded sharply.

"She needs an ambulance, Morgan. The baby is still kicking but there's so much blood and…" There was a sound coming from his lips that he couldn't identify. Maybe it was something like a sob or a sharp breath or even a plea. "She needs a medic!" He said more forcefully, looking at the dark man in front of him.

"They won't send anyone here until everything's cleared, Hotch…" He told him and now he was sure that it was a sob coming from his lips.

"She needs it, Morgan… she won't make it… the baby… she needs… I need…" He stammered all the while touching her belly, relishing the fluttering of his goddaughter's movements.

There was a ring and he could hear Morgan speaking with someone through the phone but the words weren't making any sense to him. He kept whispering assurances to Kate and the baby, begging her to wake up just for a minute and talk to him. "Hotch!" He looked up to Morgan again and there was incredulity there. "The kid! He's the unsub!" He told him and Hotch merely murmured a 'go' to him before turning back his attention to Kate.

Finally. Finally there was a siren and then lights and then the ambulance was coming in his direction. "It's coming… do you hear me? The help is here and you'll be okay… you'll be fine, sweetheart…" He whispered to her and smiled at the kick on his hand.

The paramedic put her into the stretcher and then she was being loaded into the ambulance. He had to drive it because there was just one paramedic and soon enough they were parking into the ER entry. After another argument to let them get into the hospital, something about being closed and he didn't give a shit about it, she was being rushed into the halls of the ER.

"What do we have?" The doctor asked.

"There was an explosion. She's nineteen weeks and the baby is still kicking but she's unconscious ever since. She has a problem with her BP and had an incident a couple of months ago…" Hotch explained quickly.

"And you are? Were you in the explosion?" He asked looking at him.

"Yes… I'm her brother. Please, save them…" He pleaded.

"Sarah, take a look at him…" He said rushing towards the surgery room. Hotch was leaded to another side of the room, rather reluctantly.

"Sir, we need to look at you injures. Your sister is in the best hands. There's nothing you can do right now other than pray and take care of yourself so you can look after her when she wakes up…" The old nurse told him calmly and he let her do what she needed, even though his head was still with the blonde on the other room.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Hotch's in the ER and Kate was rushed into surgery. Morgan said that the baby was still kicking but things weren't looking good…" JJ said to the other agents as they were on the conference room.

"How is he? Is he okay?" Emily asked with a pained voice, the despair for not having heard from him yet evident.

"He's worried about Kate…" JJ explained and she nodded, knowing how much panicking he probably was.

"They're saying that this was a terrorist attack that went wrong…" Reid told them.

"Well, they're wrong…" Dave said. They started to argue with the local officers about the reasons behind the explosion but Emily couldn't register any of the words.

He could've had died. He should be _dead_ now and there was nothing she could have done. He would be gone for good and she would never see him again. He would die without knowing that she still loved him more than anything in this world. He would die without knowing that she still dreamed about him almost every night. He would be dead before she had the chance to hold him again, to kiss him again, to feel him again.

He would be gone forever and she would be alone again, just like she told him she wanted to be.

But it wasn't true. She didn't want him to go. She didn't want him to leave and she surely didn't want him to die. She _wanted_ him near. She was just too damn scared to admit it. She was too scared of being hurt again.

She remembered JJ's words on the plane earlier. It was really worth to be alone for the rest of her life because of her fear?

The moment she heard about the explosion she knew that if she lost Aaron for good it would be worse than death for her.

She was still feeling an ache in her chest and she had to keep blinking her tears away because she needed to see him. She _needed_ to see for herself that he was alive and that she hadn't lost him. She _needed_ to see him.

She _needed_ him.

"Emily!" She startled with Dave's voice and looked up to see him looking worriedly at her. "Are you okay? I was calling your name and you weren't listening…"

She felt her eyes burning again and shook her head negatively quickly. "I need to see him, Dave…" She whispered painfully and he nodded understandably.

"Hotch wants us at the hospital." JJ said with her phone in her hand and Emily sighed relieved.

"Let's go see him…" Dave said patting her back and they were all out to the hospital in a rush.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Rossi!" They heard Morgan's voice and quickly walked towards the dark profiler.

"Where is him?" Emily asked quickly.

"He's changing." He explained. "Sam is dead and there's no new lead about his plan. This can end like this… it just doesn't make any sense…" He said.

"The profile is wrong…" Came the deep voice of their former Unit Chief and Emily breathed at the sight of him covered in bruises and cuts.

"Oh my god…" She whispered with a sob and launched herself into his arms, carefully aware of his injures but needing to feel him alive and safe. "You're okay…" She whispered, muffed by his shirt and he tightened his grip on her.

"I'm okay… I'm okay, Em…" He assured her, caressing her back and hair. He felt her hot tears on his shirt and neck and shivered when he felt her elaborated breathing against him.

"The press is saying that it was a terrorist attack that went wrong…" JJ told him, bringing his head back on the case.

Emily pulled back but didn't disentangle herself from his arms, keeping him close to her. "It wasn't. Everything was planned to happen just the way it did we just don't know why yet…" Hotch said, still running his hands on Emily's back, needing something good in the middle of that mess. "Did you find Sam's phone?" He suddenly asked Morgan and he nodded. "Did he call 911?"

"No… he just called one number and it was a disposable phone that went off just after Sam's death…" Morgan explained and Hotch closed his eyes in resignation.

"There's just one reason for him to stick around…" He said and Dave quickly caught his thought.

"Making sure that the ambulance would come to you…" The eldest profiler said.

"This hospital was closed by the Secret Service. This was the target. And I brought the bomb here…" He said and the others gasped. Before they could move the doctor came from the surgery room.

"Agent Hotchner…"

Hotch looked at Morgan, who nodded quickly. "Emily, stay with him. Rossi, Reid, JJ, come with me…" He directed them, knowing very well that Emily wouldn't do any good on the field while worried about Hotch. He caught her thankful eyes before leaving with the rest of the team.

"How is she? And the baby?" Hotch asked quickly and Emily grasped his hand in support, while the other rested on his back.

"Agent Joyner suffered a trauma on her head due to the impact on the ground. It wasn't anything serious but that explains her unconsciousness. Her body is protecting herself in the form of a natural coma, to help her heal from her injures with the less amount of pain…" He started explaining. "The way she fell, curling her body in a fetal position, thankfully spared the baby from any major traumas but even so, the stress her body suffered induced a premature labor. We managed to stabilize her and stop the labor. The baby is fine now, a little agitated yet but everything should be okay…" The doctor explained and Hotch let out a relieved breath and Emily squeezed his hand.

"What about Kate?"

"She's being transported to a recovery room… she's still unconscious and a little weak. We did several blood transfusions and she should be fine and completely stabilized in a couple of days. We don't know when she will wake up, though. We'll be monitoring her and she'll probably wake up tomorrow but we don't know for sure. Right now we can only wait…" He explained and Hotch nodded. "I understand that you're the one taking care of her during the pregnancy…" He asked and Hotch nodded again. "Well, after she leaves the hospital I recommend absolute rest for her. Of course she has to go see her own doctor but in my opinion she should be in bed rest for the rest of the pregnancy. We almost lost her and the baby and she can live any kind of stress anymore…"

Hotch nodded shakily at him. "When can I see her?"

"I'll send a nurse to direct you to her bedroom when everything's ready…" The doctor answered and he nodded, thanking him.

Emily squeezed his hand again and caressed his back. "She's okay…" She whispered at him and he nodded numbly at her. "She'll be fine, Aaron… the baby too…" She said again and he hugged her once more, burying his face on her neck. She shushed him and caressed his scalp, whispering comfort words to him. "God, Aaron, I was so scared…" She whispered at him after a few minutes. "I thought you were gone… I thought it was over…" She cried into his arms and held him tightly. "Don't ever do that to me again… ever…" She pulled apart and cupped his cheeks with her trembling hands, the two pairs of tearful eyes looking at each other. "Aaron, I…"

"Don't…" He whispered placing a finger on her lips.

"Aaron…" She tried to speak against his lips but he shook his head and there was such despair in his eyes that she found herself shutting up.

"There's too much left unsaid between us, Emily. There's too much regret and too much sorrow. You and I need to sit down, forget about everything else in the world and talk. We need to talk about us, about our past, about what I did and about everything that happened after that… without that we'll never be able to leave the past in the past and move on…" He explained to her. "I don't want to hear those words from you until you're sure that you'll be able to forgive me... that you'll be able to be with me, whole and completely again. Because if you say this to me now and then later you change your mind and I have to walk away from you again… it'd kill me, Emily…" He said painfully.

"Okay…" She nodded at him. "We'll talk…"

"Okay…" He nodded back and held her again, relishing the feeling of her after so much time and the promise of more. He hoped to God that things would get better now.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Garcia, can you cut the signal for how long?" Morgan asked as he frantically drove the ambulance through the streets of Manhattan.

"Not long, Derek, you need to get out of this thing!" She cried while she worked on her task.

"Not yet, sweetheart. I'm almost there…"

"Why is always you? Derek, get out of there!" She pleaded him.

"He has thirty seconds…" The other tech told her and she gasped.

"Derek, jump off of this damn ambulance, you have thirty seconds!" She shouted at him through the phone.

"Almost there, baby… almost there…" He said as he could see the park closer. He looked at the clock and the distance he still had, knowing it was too much. "Penelope…" He needed to tell her. He needed to tell her the truth. "Penelope, I need to tell you something…" He had lost so much time… all because of his cowardice, because of his fears. And now here he was, almost being blown up and he couldn't go without saying how he really felt. He couldn't hide this anymore.

"Get out of this ambulance and you can tell what the hell you want, Derek!" He heard her pleading.

"You know what you are to me?" He asked between breaths. He was almost there. Just a few more and it was over. "Do you know what you mean to me?"

"Derek, please! Fifteen seconds!"

"You are my everything, Penelope…" He told her just as he entered the park. "You are the reason I wake up every morning and go to sleep every night… you are my God-given solace… you are…" His voice was cut by the sound of the explosion.

"Derek!" Garcia cried as she heard the boom from the bomb echoing in her piece. "Derek… Derek… please, Derek, please…" She whispered painfully as the tears found their way down her cheeks.

"You are the love of my life, Penelope Garcia…" His voice came through the phone and she released her breath.

"Oh my god…"

"I love you more than life itself, baby, but I was too much a coward to do something about it. I was too scared of you not loving me back… and with Lynch… I couldn't watch you with him, kissing him, touching him, being with him because you should be with me… you should be with me every single day for the rest of our lives… please, tell me you feel something too… please…" He pleaded her and she sobbed quietly at his speech.

"I… I can't talk to you right now… I'm too angry…" She told him.

"It's okay… I'll wait. I'll wait my whole life for you…" He vowed and she hung up.

He had said it. He had finally said it and it was as if a weight had been just lifted from his shoulders. He didn't know what she would do. He wasn't expecting her to run to his arms. He honestly wasn't expecting anything good. But at least she knew. At least he could say he had tried. At least, if something ever happened, he could say he wasn't a coward. He told her. Now she just needed to figure what she wanted to do about it.

\\*\\*\\*\

"Hey…" Emily knocked on Kate's room early that morning. Hotch had spent the night with Kate after the nurse directed him to her room and had sent Emily back to the hotel to get some rest.

She had barely slept and as soon and the sun was out she was up and ready to go. She had stopped to get some food and coffee and now was back to the hospital to see how he was.

"Hi… you're here early…" He said quietly getting up from the chair he was sitting beside Kate's bed.

"Couldn't sleep much… I brought food and coffee…" She said handing him the bag and a cup. "Any changes?" She asked.

"No… she slept the whole night. The baby is kicking stronger and I'm almost sure that she squeezed my hand earlier while I was talking to her…" He said quietly smiling sadly at his blonde friend.

"You really love her, don't you?" Emily said taking his hand and squeezing it.

"I do… she's like the sister I never had… she annoys the hell out of me and I have this need to protect her from everything… she doesn't have anyone else… Richard doesn't even know what's going on…" He told her taking a sip of his coffee.

"Can't you contact him?" She asked circling his waist with her arm.

"I want to wait until she wakes up. If there was something wrong I'd call him but the doctors said she's going to wake soon so…" He answered her.

They stayed in silence for a few minutes, eating and looking at Kate sleeping, all the time touching each other. "I think Morgan wants to go home this evening…" She said quietly and he tightened his grip on her waist.

"I can't leave her, Emily…" He told her quietly and she sighed.

"I know, Aaron… I would never ask you to leave her…" She told him. "I think I'm going to ask Morgan to stay for a few days… I have some off days available…" She explained and he held her tightly, kissing her hair.

"Thank you so much…" He whispered at her and she nodded. They talked a little about the events of the day before but mostly just spent the day enjoying each other's company, waiting for Kate to wake up.

Emily called Morgan by noon and asked for the off time which he granted promptly. Around four the team stopped by the hospital to say goodbye to them. "Thank you for coming so quickly…"Hotch told Morgan and he just nodded.

"Of course, man… you're family…" He assured him. "And she'll be okay soon, you hear?"

Hotch nodded at him and gave him a hug and a pat on his back. Before anyone could say anything Emily spoke urgently. "Aaron…" When he looked at her he saw her looking at Kate. "I think she's waking up…" He was quickly by her side and took her hands with his, whispering assurances to her.

"That's it, sweetheart. Open your eyes for me, please…" He pleaded her and she squeezed his hand. "Someone call a doctor…" He asked and Morgan went quickly. "Open your eyes, Kitty. I need you to open your eyes for me…" There was nothing for a few seconds until they saw her eyes fluttering slowly. Hotch encouraged her and squeezed her hand until she opened them properly and focused on him.

"A-Aaron?" She cracked; her throat sore.

"Oh God…" Hotch gasped, dropping his head on her shoulder and gripping her hand tightly. He looked up to her and caressed her hair. "If you ever do this to me again I will kill you myself, Katherine Marie…" He said tightly.

"Don't call me Katherine Marie…" She answered with a glare and he chuckled, kissing her forehead. "My baby…" She whispered.

"She's fine… strong and kicking like crazy…" He told her and she let out a breath along with a few tears that he wiped.

"Are you okay?" She whispered looking at the cuts on his face.

"I am now… I am now…" He nodded at her and then the doctor came in to exam her, asking for them to leave the room. They went outside and Hotch hugged Emily, finally breathing again.

"We need to get going, man…" Morgan announced and he nodded, saying goodbye to his team and thanking them again.

"If you need anything, just call…" Dave told him before leaving.

"It was good to see you, Hotch…" JJ told him and Garcia and Reid nodded.

"You too, JJ… take care of yourself, okay?" He asked and she nodded. He then hugged both Reid and Garcia. As he held his favorite tech he whispered in her ear. "Don't lose the chance of being happy for fear… you know you love him too, Penelope…" He winked at her as they pulled back and she nodded, blinking back a few tears. She had avoided Morgan like a plague after the explosion and she knew the others had noticed too.

After they left, Emily and Hotch stood side by side looking at the blinds of Kate's room holding each other by their waists, her head resting on his shoulder. "Told you she'd be fine…" She whispered at him and he smiled.

"If they release her today, do you want to come over? She'll probably sleep most of the time but I don't want to leave her alone… and we still need to talk…" He suggested and she nodded. He hugged her tightly against his body and kissed her forehead. "Thank you for staying…" He whispered.

"Thank you for letting me stay…"

\\*\\*\\*\

It was almost ten when Morgan heard his doorbell ringing that night. The team had arrived by three and he had told them to go home and don't return until Monday. He came home and changed clothes before going for a run. He ran for almost an hour and then went back home, took a shower and made a quick lunch, sinking on his couch and watching old films.

He had turned off his phone and told JJ that if she needed him she could call him at home. He didn't want to talk to anyone. After the explosion and his confession to Penelope she had completely ignored him and treated him with coldness and indifference. He knew it was her right to not return his feelings but it didn't hurt any less.

He had hoped, deep on his chest, that she would feel something for him too. Sometimes it seemed to him that his feelings were reciprocated but in the end, the sad truth was that it wasn't. She didn't care for him like that and he just needed to suck it up and learn to let it go.

What hurt the most was that he was feeling that he had lost her for good. As his friend and baby girl too. The cold stares she gave him made it quite clear that he was a persona non grata and it stung. And to make it worse he had heard when she told JJ she needed to go because she needed to see Kevin.

He got up from his couch and went to the door, looking through the peephole to see who it was his unexpected visitor. He gasped at the sight of her, dressed on his favorite blue dress covered with white little hearts. Her hair was curled and framing her beautiful face, as always, and her lips were covered with a pink lipstick, so kissable.

He opened the door and looked at her with confused eyes.

"Hi". She whispered quietly at him.

"Hey…" He greeted her.

"Can I come in?"

He just nodded and opened the door wider for her to get in. "I thought you were with Kevin tonight…" He couldn't help but state.

"I was…" She confirmed. "I needed to see him before coming here…" At his confused face she approached him and looked into his eyes. "Did you mean it? Do you really love me?" She asked.

"More than my own life…" He answered without any hesitation. And just like that she was in his arms, cupping his face and capturing his lips in a needy kiss. He was startled at first but quickly recovered and kissed her back, just as hungrily, possessing her mouth and holding her tightly against his hard chest. When they pulled apart breathlessly he was confused and happy at the same time. "Kevin?" He questioned panting.

"It's over…" She told him and he let out a breath. "I needed to see him and end things before coming here… I couldn't do this to him…" She explained.

"Then… you're here…" He said unsure.

"I'm here… I'm here and I love you too…" She confessed and he kissed her again. "I've always loved you, Derek… I just never thought you would possibly want someone like me…" She said when they pulled apart.

"Someone like you?" He frowned. "Penelope, you are perfection to me… you are everything I need and want in a woman… you are all that I need in my life… I love you, so much…" He told her firmly and passionately before kissing her again.

"This is for real?" She asked panting when he pulled apart and started to kiss her jaw and neck.

"This is for real, sweetheart. The most real thing in my life…" He told her. "And it's for good… it's forever, Penelope…"

She nodded quickly at him. "Forever… I like that very much…" She said smiling and kissing him again. "I like it very much…"

\\*\\*\\*\

Kate wasn't released until the other morning and Hotch stayed in the hospital with her the whole time despite her pleads for him to go home and get some rest. She was released right after nine and Hotch took her home, with Emily's help. He immediately took her to bed and told her she shouldn't get up for anything without him, at least for the first few days. He arranged the living room's TV on her room and he and Emily made lunch for them.

After lunch Kate slept and Hotch and Emily finally had a time alone to start their talk. Hotch leaded them to the couch and they sat side by side, looking at each other.

"So…" Emily started awkwardly.

Hotch smiled at her and took her hand with his, squeezing it. "So…" He took a deep breath before speaking. "Emily… I already told you how I feel… I love you, even more than I loved you all these years ago when I first saw you… I love you in a way that I can't even explain… but yet, I was capable of hurting you so bad and that's something I was never able to forgive myself…" He said looking down. "Everything I did, Emily, all the pain and the hurt, everything I did with us both it's too much… it's too big to forget easily… I guess what I'm trying to ask is, are you completely sure that you're willing to let all of that in the past and start writing a new future with me? Are you willing to leave everything behind us? Can you actually look at me without feeling pain and resentment? You said yourself a few months ago how much it hurt you to look at me every day, how it made you feel bad…"

"I know what I said, Aaron, I know, but believe me I regretted it the moment those words fell from my lips… I hated myself for feeling good about the pain I saw in your eyes when I said that… I guess I just wanted to hurt you, affect you like that…" She explained and he nodded at her.

"I understand that, Emily… I do… but that's part of the thing… do you think we together without you wanting to throw in my face everything I did anything things get rough? Because it won't be a walk in the park, Em… relationships are never like that and you know it. We'll fight and argue and sometimes you may want to kill me… it's how it works, it's normal to fight sometimes… but I'm afraid that with all our past these fights become something bigger, with more power of destruction, you know…" He explained and she nodded.

"I know… if you ask me right now if I trust you completely I will say no. It doesn't work like that. I can't just erase everything I went through and give myself to you that easily. It'll take time for me to trust in you again… it won't be easy but I'm willing to try…" She told him, looking into his eyes.

"Can you see yourself trusting in me again, completely?"

She stayed quiet for a few moments before nodding slowly. "I do… I do because I can see my Aaron in the man in front of me… actually I can see him ever since I saw you on my first day in the office… I guess I can see now that you're still the man I fell for. You made a mistake, yes… a huge mistake, but… you're human…" She shrugged. "You're only human and you'll make mistakes now and then… but you're still the man I met almost eighteen years ago. You stayed with the same woman for fifteen years, faithful. You're an excellent father and you're one of the best agents the Bureau ever had. You're still my Aaron… I guess now I can see that… at the time the pain was too much… the humiliation, the hurt… but now…" She sighed. "I dated a lot of guys during these years and I never found someone like you… someone who would treat me so right… someone who would make me feel so good… so loved…" She said quietly and he caressed her cheek.

"I am so sorry for not loving you the way you deserved it…" He whispered at her and kissed her forehead. "I am so sorry for making us waste all this time… I am so sorry for hurting you and making you so sad… I am so sorry for our baby…" He whispered against her hair and heard her sob at the last part. She buried her head on his shoulder and they cried for their lost, for the first time together. He whispered that he was sorry over and over and she cried, remembering all the time she spent alone, mourning for their baby.

"I'm sorry for saying that you killed our baby…" She whispered back to him. "You didn't… I swear, Aaron, I never hated you because of it… I hated myself for being weak, for not noticing the signs and taking those pills… but I never blamed you, I swear…" She told him softly but firmly and held him as he cried for their child.

"I'm so sorry for leaving you alone…" He whispered at her and they continued to cry together for a few minutes. When they pulled apart she sniffed and he wiped her tears lovingly. "I'm sorry…"

"I'm sorry too… I'm sorry too…" She whispered at him. "Aaron, I can't promise you I won't get mad at you. I can't promise I won't throw things on your face sometimes. I can't promise that I'll trust you always or that I won't fight with you because of our past but… I lived a life without you, Aaron… and it was hell". She told him brokenly. "I'm tired of living without you…"

With those words he kissed her.

After more than fifteen their lips found each other again and he moaned throatily at the taste of her. His hands were buried on her hair and he moved his lips against hers carefully, relishing the feel of her, the taste of her, the smell of her. He traced the tip of his tongue on her lips and she whimpered before opening it for him, shivering when he stroked her tongue with his.

She held his shoulders tightly and devoured his mouth with so much passion that her vision started to blurry with the amount of pleasure she was feeling. They kissed each other hungrily, needy and passionately for several minutes, until bright spots invaded their vision because of the lack of oxygen.

They pulled apart breathlessly, panting and gasping for breath, holding each other tightly, their foreheads connected and their eyes closed. She opened her eyes first and saw the smile on his face, the way his brow was relaxed and the wrinkles on his face were eased and couldn't help but smile. "I love you…" She whispered and grinned at the tear that fell from his eyes. "I love you…" She said again and kissed the tear away, making her way to his mouth again, capturing his lips in another kiss.

After they pulled apart they were already laying on the couch, she on top of him, and his hand caressing her back underneath her shirt. "I love you, too…" He whispered on her ear. "I love you, too, Emily…"

She noticed the lack of the endearments and remembered another thing she had said to him. She cupped his face and looked into his eyes. "You can call me sweetheart… it brings some bad memories but it also brings so many good ones… and I want to build new memories…" She told him and relished the smile on his face.

"Thank you so much… sweetheart… my sweetheart…" He whispered to her and kissed her again, because he could and because he wanted and because he needed to know that it was real, that she was here and that she was his again. "I don't think I've ever been so happy…" He whispered pulling back.

She just smiled at him and kissed him again, and again and again and again. They stayed in their embrace until he heard Kate starting to stir and went to see if she was okay. They cooked dinner together and then cuddled on the couch after Kate slept again, talking about their plans, about their past, about things that happened. She had told him still had a room at the hotel but when bedtime came she just didn't want to go.

They went to his bedroom and he gave her a pair of sweatpants and a t-shirt and they just lay together on his bed, enjoying the feeling of the other, happy for being together again for the first time after so many years. They both knew that things wouldn't be so easy for them but they were together and they would fight for their love against anything, especially themselves.

When she was almost sleeping she heard him murmuring. "Thank you so much for wanting me back…"

She smiled and snuggled into his chest and kissed his jaw. "Thank you for taking me back…"

 **A/N: I tried to make it the most believeble. I couldn't just make it about the explosion because it would seem fake just to have anything resolved like that. They needed to talk. They still do and they will in the Epilogue.**

 **Please, let me know what you think about... Reviews are awesome and I love them.**


	26. Chapter 25-Epilogue

**A/N: I know I promised to post this two days ago but I wasn't reaching a good ending. I wasn't satisfied and I couldn't post something like that. For that, I'm sorry.**

 **This is the last part of We Had It All and it's divided in two parts. One extra chapter, because for me it was still missing something in the last one; and the Epilogue, which I wrote on Emily's POV. For the first time I tried to write in like this and I'm really nervous about it, but I thought it would fit right.**

 **I'd like to thank you all for the suport in this work... I can't even begin to describe how happy the number of reviews and favorites and alerts and PM's and everything made me. I wasn't expecting all that and I'm really proud of this.**

 **I'd also like to thank Christy, my sweet beta. She was passing through some rough patch and because of that my last chapters are still unbeta'd but we're working on this again and I'll repost them soon, I promise. Thank you, Christina, for everything.**

 **Finally, I'd like to tell you that I'm working on the continuation of Undercover Operation and also working on my new fic. It will be posted soon, I promise.**

 **Here is the last part. I love you all, thank you for everything and I hope you enjoy this.**

 **Disclaimer: I don't own CM.**

Chapter 25

Emily awoke that morning with a feeling of contentment like she hadn't experienced in a very long time. She stretched herself on the mattress and smiled at the manly smell on the sheets and pillows and the warmth of having shared the bed with someone. She opened her eyes lethargically and turned on her side to greet him a good morning and frowned at the vacancy taking place where he should be.

She sniffed the smell of coffee and smiled again; knowing that he must had woken up earlier and was in the kitchen already. She got up and followed the scent of coffee until the kitchen where she found him leaning against the counter, sipping from his cup. She was going to speak when he chuckled and just then she noticed that he was speaking on the phone.

"Is that right? Oh, I think I'm gonna need some proof of that…" He joked and chuckled again. "Okay, buddy, it's on. Next time you come visit we're going to play and you'll show me if you're really that good now…"

Oh, Jack. Emily sighed quietly at the thought of his son and she knew it would be a big commitment to accept the child of her boyfriend with another woman. She knew that the boy wasn't to blame of anything. He was just a victim, just like her, thrown in the middle of the mess their parents made it. But it didn't make any less hard or awkward having a life-breathing souvenir of what happened in the past.

"Okay, buddy. I love you too… yeah, I'll tell her but you call later to speak with her, okay?" He had his back now turned to her. "Can I speak with your mom?" He asked and Emily bit back another sigh. Of course, Jack would bring Haley along. "Hey… how are you? Oh, she's okay… yeah, she was complaining that our goddaughter was playing with her bladder last night…" He said laughing along with her. "Okay, I'll tell her… is everything okay with you two, do you need something?" He asked and Emily closed her eyes. That was one of the things she loved him the most. The way he was always concerned about those he loved. But at that particular moment she wasn't happy about it. "What news? Are you serious? Wow, I wasn't expecting that… no, of course not, Hay, I want you to be happy… are you happy? Then everything's fine and I don't need to kill anyone…" He chuckled. "I'm really happy for you, Haley, you deserve it. James is a really lucky man… call later to speak with Kitty, I'm sure she'll love to hear the news… okay, bye…" He hung up and turned around, startling a little at the sight of her standing on the doorway.

"Morning…" She greeted him quietly.

"Hey… good morning… how long are you there?" He asked walking towards her.

"A while…" She shrugged accepting his kiss. "Is everything okay?" She asked.

"Yeah… Jack wanted to know how I was and how Kate was doing…" He explained and she hummed at him grabbing a mug and going to the coffee pot. " _And_ Haley wanted to tell me that James proposed…" He completed and she turned at him with wide eyes.

"Wow… that's big…" She told him.

"Yeah… I knew it would happen, just not this soon…" He explained and she nodded.

"Are how do you feel about that?" She couldn't help but fish.

"I'm happy for her… Haley is an amazing woman and she deserves to be with someone who'll make her happy and James seems to do that… he's good for her and he's good with my son, which is my biggest concern. I think everything is just fine now…" He answered her and she nodded slowly at him, looking at her mug. "Sweetheart, come here for a sec…" He held his hand for her and when she took it he went to the dining table and sat at one of the chairs, putting her on his lap. "How do you feel about me having contact with Haley?"

She shivered at his question and avoided his eyes. He caressed her back and waited patiently for her answer. "It's kind of hard, Aaron…" She confessed quietly and he sighed, nodding slowly at her.

"I understand, babe… I really do" He told her caressing her hair. "Unfortunately, I can't just cut strings with her forever. We have a son together and we will have to talk to each other now and then because of him. Kate asked us both to be the godparents of her daughter and that's another tie that we'll have. But, Emily, I swear to you that that's it… we don't have any unresolved feelings between us… she's happy with her fiancé and I'm still not believing that you actually gave me another chance…" He told her leaning in for a kiss. "I promise you, Emily, I'll spend the rest of my days honoring you, trying to make you as happy as you make me by just being here, with me. I can't cut contact with Haley but I can assure you that I never had any intention of coming back to her, even if you didn't have given us this chance…"

She nodded at him and dropped her head on his shoulder. "I can't tell you it'll be easy to know that you still have ties with her… and I can't promise you it'll be easy for me to accept Jack completely…" She told him quietly and she felt him go tense. "I'm not saying I won't treat him right, Aaron… he doesn't have any blame on this, I know it…" She assured him. "It'll just take some time for me to look at him a not see a reminder of what happened… it'll take some time for me to open myself to him too…"

"I understand, sweetheart…" He nodded at her and turned his head to kiss her neck. "Did you sleep well?" He asked.

She hummed at him and snuggled closer to him, burying her face on his neck. "I slept perfect… but it would've been better if you were on the bed when I woke up, though…"

"I'm sorry… I woke up with my phone ringing… mom was calling to ask about Kate…" He explained.

"It's been a while since I spoke with her… how is she?" She mumbled.

"She's fine… misses you, though…"

"Did you tell her? About us?" She asked looking at him and he shook his head.

"No, I figured we should tell her together…" He told her and she nodded in agreement.

They stayed in silence a few minutes, her sitting on his lap and him caressing her back. "Aaron?" He hummed in acknowledgement at her. "Today is Sunday… I have to go back to work tomorrow…" He tightened his grip on her waist.

"I don't want you to go…" He whispered into her hair after a while.

"I don't want to go either but I can't ask Morgan to give me more days off. We're already one man down ever since you left…" She told him quietly and he nodded slowly. "How long do you plan staying here?" She asked him after a while.

"Until two days ago I wasn't actually planning on coming back at all…" He said and she sighed sadly.

"I'm sorry about that… it wasn't fair of me to ask you something like that…" She said running her fingers through his hair and smiling when he moaned slightly at the touch.

"I would do anything for you, Emily. Anything in this world…" He said and she leaned in to kiss him slowly but thoroughly. They kissed lazily for several minutes, forgetting about anything else and just focusing on themselves, on their touches and tastes, on their need and love for each other. "God, I can't believe I'm kissing you again…" He whispered breathlessly when they pulled apart and when she opened her eyes to look at him she gasped soundly at the sight of his tears. "I missed you so much all this time, sweetheart…" He said with a cracked voice. "I tried so hard to forget you… I tried so hard to get you out of my mind, out of my heart but I just couldn't… I thought about you every single day, Emily… I thought about where were you or how were you doing… if you were happy… if you had found someone else… if you still thought about me…" He whispered while brushing his fingertips on her cheek. "There were times when I would give up and just drown myself on our memories… I would remember all our moments together and how we were happy before I ruined everything… I would think about your smile and how it would light up my day every time… I would remember about your taste, how much I loved to kiss you all the time, to the point of you snapping at me to leave you alone…" He said with a chuckle, leaning in to kiss her again. "I would remember about how soft your skin was under my touch and how much I loved when you shivered underneath me when I was making love to you…" He said and smiled when she shivered at the touch of his hand on her bare back, under his shirt.

"Aaron…" She whispered, dropping her head to lean her forehead against his.

"There wasn't a day, in these more than fifteen years, that I didn't think about you, Emily… I never stopped loving you… I never could…" He confessed looking into her eyes.

"Neither did I… no matter how much I wanted to hate you, I just couldn't stop loving you… no one was ever good enough… no one would ever make me feel like you did… I couldn't stop loving you, no matter how much I tried…" She said looking back at him and he captured her mouth again in a deep and needy kiss. She shifted herself so she could straddle his hips and pressed herself closer to him, moaning at the feeling of his desire pressed on her so perfectly in all the right places. She grinded herself against him while his mouth devoured her hungrily, his hands gripping her hips and helping her movements while hers fisted his short her, making him hiss at the pleasurable pain on his scalp. Both of them were so built on each other and their passion that they didn't hear the movement coming from down the hall until a gasp and a shriek made them jump apart.

"Oh my God, my eyes!" Hotch groaned at the sight of his sister covering her eyes standing on the doorframe.

"Just what the hell do you think you're doing up, Kitty?" He asked her while Emily buried her face on his neck, both still breathless from their make-out session.

"I was calling for you but you obviously didn't hear me…" She told him uncovering her eyes and scowling playfully at him. "I'm hungry… your goddaughter is jumping like a kangaroo and I can't find a comfortable position…" She whined.

"Why every time she's annoying you she's suddenly _my_ goddaughter and not _your_ daughter?" He asked her while nudging Emily to get up from his lap, giving her neck one last longing kiss.

" _Because_ her father is not here so you have to fill the male figure sometimes..." She told him. " _And_ because you also annoy the hell out of me so she obviously got this from you…" She completed and he chuckled at her, giving her a kiss on the forehead.

"Mhmm. What do you want for breakfast?" He asked opening the fridge.

"Scrambled eggs, please…" She said sitting by the counter and eyeing Emily smugly. "Good morning, Emily… did you sleep well?"

"Morning, Kate… I did, thank you… are you feeling any better?" Emily asked politely, her hands playing with the hem of Hotch's shirt.

"A little bit, yeah… I must say that I didn't expect you here in this beautiful morning…" She said with a glint of amusement in her eyes and gasped when Hotch smacked the back of her head slightly.

"Leave her alone, you little brat…" He scowled at her before turning to Emily. "I don't have strawberries, but I can make us some banana pancakes. Is that okay?" He asked with a slight smile.

"That's great…" She said quietly with a smile of her own and moaned lowly when he leaned in to give her a small kiss.

"Oh God, you two are not helping with my morning sickness…" Kate groaned rolling her eyes.

"You don't have morning sickness ever since your twelfth week, so shut up…" Hotch said, placing a plate with eggs in front of her along with a cup of orange juice.

She smiled a small thank you at him and started eating while he started the pancakes. "Anna called me earlier. She said she called you first and you told her what had happened…"

"Yeah, I woke up with the phone ringing. She was really worried about you and the baby…" Hotch nodded while mixing the dough.

"By our talk I figured that you haven't told her about you two being together again yet…" She said and he nodded at her. "I was thinking about how things will be from now on, you know, with my bed rest and you two trying again… I don't want to be a weight on your shoulder or a reason for you to be away from each other, Aaron…" She told him and he put the bowl down and looked at her, ready to argue. "No, wait, listen to me…" She raised her hand. "I know you'd never leave me alone here like this and you have no idea how much I love you for that… but also, we have to think that it's just the two of us up here and you still have to work, so I would be pretty much by myself the whole day and I know how much you would be worried at work all the time…" She reasoned with him.

"Okay, you have a point there…" He nodded at her. He wouldn't be able to focus on his job while she was alone at home in a high-risky pregnancy.

"Right… so, I talked to Anna and we came up with a solution… how about if we moved back to Quantico? Anna offered me her guest room, so I would have someone with me all the time. And you would go back to your job, that I know you miss it, and we'd be close to Jack too… and you two wouldn't be apart… I would be on an early maternity leave and my job wouldn't be compromised. While we're in Quantico we could try to get me a permanent transfer but even if we can't, you could just help me move back here after the baby was born…" She explained to him and he nodded to her slowly, while finishing the pancakes.

"Well… it's actually a great idea… Sean could help us moving things back to Quantico and since it's just a three hours trip we wouldn't have to worry with you on a plane…" He said sitting on the table, beside Emily. She took his hand with his and squeezed it and he smiled at her, giving her a light kiss. "I have some contacts and Dave could also help me to get your transfer… it would be the best thing, all of us together… I don't want to be apart from my ladybug…" He told her and Kate smiled.

"Then it's settled. You call Sean and we'll get everything ready in the office…" Kate said excitedly.

"Well, I'll just have to speak with my real state. I think there's a couple living in my old apartment and they have a six month contract… maybe I'll have to use mom's couch for a while…" Hotch said.

"Or… you could stay with me…" Emily said hesitantly.

He dropped his fork and looked at her with wide eyes. "What?"

"You could come and live with me…" She repeated more firmly.

He gaped at her and lost the ability to speak for a few seconds. "Sweetheart, are you sure?"

Emily smiled at him and surprised herself with the truthiness in her words. "I'm sure, Aaron… I meant what I said last night… I'm tired of living without you…" She told him and smiled wider at the sight of his glassy eyes.

"Kitty, cover your eyes…" He said without taking his eyes of her, making both woman laugh. He swallowed Emily's chuckle with a hungry kiss, trying to put on that gesture how much he was thankful for what she was doing, for her big heart and her love for him, even if he didn't deserve it. He kissed her and kissed her again, relishing the fact that he was given a second chance of making things right, of making this woman happy; and he vowed to himself that he would do it. He would spend the rest of his life devoted to her, cherishing her and treasuring her, just the way she deserved it.

EPILOGUE (Emily's POV)

I looked at the man sleeping beside me and smiled. Things weren't easy for us. We went through a lot, both together and apart, and I'd like to think that all of that just made us wiser and stronger.

While I looked at his beautiful face and ran my hands on his naked chest I remembered all the years I spent away from him and how even the happier moments couldn't compare with what I was feeling in that moment.

It had been a little over a year since we started our life together again. The first five weeks weren't easy since he had to take care of everything to move back home with his sister and the team caught a sequence of horrible cases with very little time between. But after a while everything got better with him living permanently with me and back to the BAU, where he belonged.

Despite of what I thought, Strauss didn't make our life a living hell because of our relationship. I'm pretty sure that Dave has something to do with that but I'm not going to question. Things went smoothly and that was much more than what I expected.

Aaron managed to get Kate's transfer to Quantico, back to Counterterrorism, and she bought a very nice house near our apartment after the baby was born. Little Sophie Erin Joyner was born on September 15th and, thankfully, Richard managed to come to meet his daughter.

Aaron, Anna and Jack were all goofy around the newborn and actually fought sometimes for her attention while Kate and I just looked at them amusedly. After her moving we became quite close and I know that the fact pleased Aaron immensely.

After a couple of awkward meetings I found myself enjoying Jack's presence at our home. Aaron never pushed me to anything but the boy is so incredible sweet that I didn't have any other option but start loving him too. He still lives with Haley and her husband but he has his own bedroom at our place and almost all weekends that we're in town he's with us.

My relationship with Haley is polite and amicable but I still can't enjoy her presence in our lives and I don't think I'll ever will. Aaron understands and also avoids spending any time with her other than the necessary because of Jack and sometimes Sophie, and for that I'm incredible thankful.

Our relationship had its ups and downs during the past year. Sometimes we fought because of my insecurities or his guilty and even because of the job. Thankfully we finished all of those fights with a very delicious make-up session of lovemaking.

Five months ago, Aaron surprised me with a trip to Paris. When I asked him the reason he told me that he wanted to give me good memories about us and that city to replace the hurtful ones. We had dinner in a very cozy restaurant, from where we could see the Eiffel Tower and before the desert came he surprised me again kneeling down in front of me and asking me to be his a second time.

I cried when I saw the same ring he gave me all those years ago, with the addition of a few new diamonds and an inscription. Inside the band it was graved his promise to me.

 _There's no life for me if I don't spend it loving you. Forever yours, A._

And right there, under the lights of Paris I told him yes for a second time.

A lot of people could call me crazy for doing this, giving myself again to a man who did so much damage and made me so sad. For those people I just have one thing to say.

I _chose_ to remember all the times this man made me laugh. All the times he made me happy. All the times he made me feel like the only woman in the world. All the times he gave himself to me, completely and wholly, trusting me to take care of him. All the times he took care of me as if I was made of porcelain and treated me like the most precious thing of his life. All those times when he made me see stars.

I understood that if I wanted to be happy I would have to make sacrifices. I would have to leave my pride behind me and open myself for the possibilities again. I would have to take risks and I would have to _try_.

Was it really worth it to condemn him for _one_ mistake he did? Was it really worth it to ignore the chance of being happy with the love of my life because of my fears?

I finally understood that it wasn't. It wasn't worth it to be alone and unhappy for the rest of my life because I was afraid.

This man is the most amazing man I've ever met, flaws and all, with all his mistakes, because with him I feel safe. With him I feel loved and treasured. With him I feel whole.

I looked at my left hand and smiled at the sight of my rings. Three weeks ago I had finally become Mrs. Aaron Hotchner. After so many years I was finally with the only man I ever loved and the only man I knew I was going to love for the rest of my days.

I felt him stirring and looked up to his sleepy face. "Is everything okay, sweetheart?" He asked mumbling.

I did then the only thing I could do. I leaned in and caught his lips with mine, moaning at the taste of peppermint of his toothpaste. I kissed him hungrily and needy because I could and because he was here, underneath me, completely mine and I just couldn't not enjoy that. When I pulled away, gasping for breath, I smiled brightly at him and answered him with the truth. "Everything's perfect…"

And then I kissed him again.

 **THE END.**

 **A/N: It's done! You probably noticed that I changed the rate of this to T and skipped any smutness. I wasn't in the mood, sorry. Maybe I'll write a oneshot in this universe to satisfy our expectations...**

 **Reviews are super appreciated, please, I'd love to know what you thought of this.**

 **See you on the next one :)**


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